[ Pepsi Center ] Denver, Colorado
TAPED: Jan. 10, 2010
AIRED: Jan. 19, 2010
EPISODE: RAUCOUS 35
(The camera cuts to the parking lot. A silver Hummer barrels in, its tires squealing as it swings into its parking spot. Thankfully no other cars were around it as the Hummer doesn’t exactly finish straight. The engine cuts as the camera attempts to get in closer.)
(The horn blasts through the icy air. The camera stops in its tracks, receiving the hint loud and clear. The driver’s door opens and a figure steps out. The Hummer’s headlights blind the camera, but a man ducks into the darkness, the ends of the scarf covering his face flowing with the wind.)
VOICE: "Ladies and gentlemen … welcome to the Pespi Center … we are here in Denver, Colorado… FOR WFW:NE RAUCOUS!"
(CUEUP: "Who Said" by Planet Funk as the camera scans over a collage of current and former WFW:NE superstars. It slowly hits a "wall" and begins to span upwards. As it does, the shadow from the wall casts over the ground. Pulling far back, the camera reveals the RAUCOUS logo in all its glory.)
(CUTTO: Ringside with Tom Gheorghe and Nick Jive in front of a jam-packed crowd surrounding them.)
GHEORGHE: "We are here … for the final RAUCOUS before, not only the first pay per view since the merging, but also the interpromotional war with Empire Pro … Sin City Showdown!"
JIVE: "Destrucity II is right at our doorstep … and finally we will be able to call ONE man the WFW:NE World Heavyweight champion. ONE man the WFW:NE PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion … No more New ERA and WFW World Heavyweight champions.. No more New ERA P©X and WFW BAD World Heavyweight champions."
GHEORGHE: "The last remaining remnants of the past will finally be put to rest.. and not only moments later they will try to put aside their differences and fight for the honor of the WFW:NE at Sin City Showdown!"
JIVE: "Have you SEEN the lineups for the main event of Sin City Showdown?! It’s a who’s who of *professional wrestling!"
GHEORGHE: "WFW:NE and Empire officials released some of the lineup for this joint show … and BOY … Mr. Entertainment will be representing WFW:NE as he takes on Karl "the Dragon" Brown from Empire Pro… those two fought in a TEAM tournament once before.. and with both men older and wiser … well .. that could be a nailbiter!"
JIVE: "Steve Burke hasn’t even wrestled his first match in WFW:NE yet … but even he’s on the joint show!"
GHEORGHE: "Burke will be representing WFW:NE against Kenneth Williams of Empire Pro … both of these men are new to their respective leagues … it’s a good way to get in good with the management right away if they can bring the glory home!"
JIVE: "What about Rocko Daymon, former New ERA World Heavyweight champion taking on Stalker from Empire?"
GHEORGHE: "Stalker has quite the pull over in EPW … but Rocko Daymon is a former World Heavyweight champion … that match should be a doozy … especially since the stipulations haven’t been announced yet."
JIVE: "And the main event! Talk about the main event!"
GHEORGHE: "FIVE men from Empire Pro. FIVE men from WFW:NE. It is a WAR GAMES match!"
JIVE: "Shawn Hart, Felix Red, Jason Payne, Cameron Cruise and Peter File will be representing WFW:NE …. Sean Stevens, the First, Layne Winters, Fusenshoff and Jared Wells will be representing Empire Pro…"
GHEORGHE: "With all the intermingling between those ten men .. one has to wonder whether or not EITHER team will be able to function!"
JIVE: "Can you imagine the chaos if Shawn Hart wins the unification match .. and needs to team with the man he defeated … and the man he would have to face as the #1 contender in Peter File!?"
GHEORGHE: "It’s an intriguing, VERY intriguing line up…"
JIVE: "Jason Payne will be teaming with the very man who he would have been the World Tag Team champion with if he weren’t screwed by that mystery man … Cameron Cruise… you have to wonder if Problem Child will be at ringside to taunt him."
GHEORGHE: "Well, first Cameron Cruise and Problem Child will have to get past Jack n’ Hoff in the WFW:NE World Tag Team championship match at WFW:NE Destrucity II!"
JIVE: "No really.."
GHEORGHE: "Destrucity II and Sin City Showdown both at the MGM Grand Garden Arena ... ON THE SAME DAY!"
JIVE: "Part of the all-day affair … EPW Aggression 50 will be done by then .. and maybe we’ll be seeing the same dynamic of Hart/Red happening with The First and Stevens!"
GHEORGHE: "The WFW World Heavyweight champion Felix Red taking on the New ERA World Heavyweight champion Shawn Hart in a unification match … the man who wins that match will waltz into Sin City Showdown as the WFW:NE World Heavyweight champion!"
JIVE: "And right into Peter File."
GHEORGHE: "The WFW:NE Television championship will be on the line as "The Druid" Erik Black, who won the shot at the pay per view via a random draw after going over the barrier in the Christmas Tree Lot WITH John Doe at Unplugged, will face either Cameron Cruise … or Doe … depending on who wins the match tonight!"
JIVE: "Cruise versus Black."
GHEORGHE: "The New ERA PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion King Krusher will take on the BAD World Heavyweight champion Jared Wells in a unification match .. and the winner will walk out the brand spankin’ new WFW:NE PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion!"
JIVE: "Jared Wells just won his BAD World Heavyweight championship back after laying the smackdown on Steve Johnson at Unplugged in the Santa’s Sack o’ Weapons match .. he’s not about to let Krusher walk away victorious."
GHEORGHE: "Plenty of action also on Unplugged … Omaha was rocking … aside from the BAD World Heavyweight championship match and the Tag Team Partner tournament finals … we also so the Christmas Tree Lot Brawl .. AND … a breathtaking Winter Wonderland match from the Henry Doorly Zoo … which saw Shawn Hart successfully defend his New ERA World Heavyweight championship against HAL."
JIVE: "Hart hung on by a string .. and ended that streak of bad luck he had in those type of matches."
GHEORGHE: "But we are here in Denver… and we have got a GREAT night full of action ahead of us!"
JIVE: "And while you drone on about that, I’m going to go catch a nap."
GHEORGHE: "You’re staying right here, Nick!"
JIVE: "… c’mon! Just ten minutes! I swear."
GHEORGHE: "We’ve got the double debut of two new superstars tonight… "Mr. Old School" Steve Burke will be taking on "the Don Dada" DeWayne Davis!"
JIVE: "What the fuck is a Don Dada?"
GHEORGHE: "Both men seem impressive on paper.. and who knows, we could witness the introduction of a future World Heavyweight champion right here on RAUCOUS!"
JIVE: "What the fuck is a Don Dada?"
GHEORGHE: "Jeff Jorgenson and Mr. Entertainment will be in action one on one tonight… If you remember, Jorgenson caught Entertainment scratching his nuts, so to speak, and eliminated him first in the Christmas Tree Lot brawl…"
JIVE: "What the fu.."
GHEORGHE: "I DON’T KNOW!"
GHEORGHE: "The two men continued to battle it out throughout the rest of the match .. and tonight Entertainment will get his chance at some revenge."
JIVE: "You mean .. Jorgenson will be buried."
(Gheorghe rolls his eyes and continues, without missing a beat.)
GHEORGHE: "The man who was just a heartbeat away from the New ERA World Heavyweight championship at Unplugged, HAL, will step into the ring with the #1 contender to the WFW:NE World Heavyweight championship, Peter File … with a special guest referee .. Alex Wylde!"
JIVE: "Wylde is going to keep those two men on their toes …"
GHEORGHE: "Well hopefully that’s the only thing he’ll do …"
JIVE: "Are you insinuating that Wylde would interfere?!"
GHEORGHE: "I wouldn’t put it past him, Nick."
JIVE: "I’m offended for him!"
GHEORGHE: "You would be… you would be …. The Television championship is on the line tonight … John Doe, one of the winners of the Christmas Tree Lot brawl, got the random draw to face Cameron Cruise here tonight on RAUCOUS … and you know he really wants to head into Destrucity II as the WFW:NE Television champion!"
JIVE: "John Doe will be lucky if he can find his way out of the broom closet, nevertheless pin Cameron Cruise!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise defeated Mr. Entertainment for the championship .. he’s been successful at defending it .. and maybe, just maybe, he’ll get the job done tonight .. even if he does, he’s got a tough competitor in Erik Black waiting for him at Destrucity II."
JIVE: "Speaking of getting the job done… who do you think will take the fall tonight, Minion or Golem?"
GHEORGHE: "What do you mean?"
JIVE: "Well obviously Red or Hart won’t lose the match .. so who gets it?"
GHEORGHE: "Golem and Shawn Hart will be in the ring with Minion and Felix Red .. and while the match may not particularly make sense … it does come as a special preview for what may come at Destrucity!"
JIVE: "Red and Hart .. what else is there to say really? Felix Red attacked Hart after his victory on Unplugged … and Hart won’t let that go without retaliation.. the bigger question is what impact Golem and Minion will have in this match?"
GHEORGHE: "Can Minion restrain himself? Or will he snap? And if he snaps, God, I can only hope that he’ll take it out on his opponents and not on his partner!"
JIVE: "Golem’s been trying to reel him in … but he’s a lost cause."
GHEORGHE: "We are getting the signal … and it is finally time … RAUCOUS is officially ready to blow the roof off of the Pepsi Center!"
JIVE: "What do we have first?"
GHEORGHE: "Were you even listening earlier?"
JIVE: "Gheorghe.. the moment you open your mouth, my eyes glaze over … I begin to drool uncontrollably…"
GHEORGHE: "That is.."
GHEORHGE: "Sigh. We have the debut of not one, but TWO new WFW:NE superstars!"
JIVE: "Wake me up when it’s over, kthx."
GHEORGHE: "I’ve done the research on both of these men, and from what I have seen, Steve Burke and DeWayne Davis will be spectacular additions to the roster."
JIVE: "… I’m going to the green room, you want anything?"
(Jive begins to get out of his seat. Gheorghe rolls his eyes.)
GHEORGHE: "Oh, sit down!"
JIVE: "Do I have to?"
(Jive pauses .. and then sits back down.)
JIVE: "If I get a concussion when my head hits the prompter, you’re the first person my lawyer is going to draft a complaint against."
GHEORGHE: "Let’s just send this to Jamie Links and see what these two new stars can do!"
(CUTTO: The big screens as the lineup flashes on them. The crowd pops as Jamie Links steps through the ring ropes and walks into the center of the ring.)
DeWayne Davis vs. Steve Burke
LINKS: "The following DOUBLE DEBUT match is scheduled for one fall … and has a thirty minute time limit! Introducing first… from Miami, Florida…"
(CUEUP: "Dope Boyz" by Gucci Mane. The lights dims as red and gold lights hit the crowd. Stepping into the ringside area, DeWayne Davis and a small posse of nameless thugs begin to amble down the rampway. Davis gets to the ring and hands his shades to one of the men. He rolls underneath and hops to his feet.)
LINKS: "Standing six foot two and weighing in at 235 pounds…. "THE DON DADA" …. DeWAYNE DAVIS!"
JIVE: "Davis brought his own posse out here! Look at that … there’s about five guys there!"
GHEORGHE: "About? What did half a guy walk out?"
JIVE: "I can’t tell if that one is a man or a yeti!"
GHEORGHE: "Davis standing smugly in the ring as we await the entrance of the second man debuting here tonight.."
(CUEUP: "The Ecstasy of Gold" by Ennio Morricone. The beginning beats begin to fill the arena as a small fog envelops the stage. Spotlights form on the rampway, equidistant from one another, as Steve Burke steps into the ringside area. He walks to the rampway, pausing in each spotlight to flex. He makes his way to the ring and walks up the ringsteps, wiping his feet before stepping through the ropes. He takes off his robe as the lights come back up and the music stops.)
JIVE: "I take it back .. maybe Steve Burke will make this match worth watching."
GHEORGHE: "Just give them a chance, will you?"
JIVE: "Hopefully Burke will HAVE a chance with all those guys on the outside backing Davis!"
LINKS: "And his opponent…. Despite the multiple homes he has across the globe … originally hailing from Limerick, Ireland…. Standing six feet tall … and weighing 230 pounds…. "MR. OLD SCHOOL" …. STEVE … BURKE!"
JIVE: "There once was a man from Nantucket…"
GHEORGHE: "DON’T START."
JIVE: "But he’s from Limerick!!!"
(SFX: Bell rings.)
BEGINNING: Appearances are not what they seem. When both men stood in the middle of the ring, staring each other eye-to-eye, it looked as if Davis and Burke would be evenly matched. Only one inch and 5 pounds separated the two men. However, as Burke made clear, the two were not on the same level in the squared circle. While Davis stood quietly, brooding, "Mr. Old School" ran his mouth. Right when it seemed Davis had enough of Burke’s berating, Davis was shocked to find himself on the receiving end of an open-handed slap. Davis’ head snapped forward and he lunged at his opponent. However, Burke was too quick for the Don Dada, and sidestepped him. Davis attempted to put on the brakes, but was unable to avoid slamming himself into the turnbuckles. Steve Burke saw the opportunity and grabbed it by the balls when he ran in behind the dazed Davis, hooked his hands around the waist, and brought the Don Dada up and over with a beautifully executed belly to back suplex. Burke jumped to his feet and quickly went to town as he drove the heel of his boot into Davis’ sternum. DeWayne Davis rolled toward the ropes, but Burke cut him off and dragged him by his legs into the center of the ring. With Davis laid out on his stomach and unable to defend himself, "Mr. Old School" measured him before drilling the elbow right into the small of the back. Without skipping a beat, Burke grabbed onto the legs of Davis, looking to lock in the Texas Cloverleaf he calls the Old School Special.
MIDDLE: Right when it looked like Burke was going to make quick work of Davis, the Don Dada managed to kick free from the grip of "Mr. Old School" and roll to the corner. Burke followed right behind him, but the referee forced him to back up. Burke kept closing in on Davis, the entire time arguing his case to the referee. Before long the only thing separating the two men WAS the referee. As Davis made it to his feet, Burke quickly popped him square in the jaw with a closed fist. The referee, who watched as a fist came within millimeters of his face, realized Burke’s ploy and placed two hands on "Mr. Old School’s" chest to push him to the center of the ring. Davis, who was knocked to the ground by the sucker punch, charged out of the corner. Burke didn’t flutter an eyelash as he effortlessly dropped to the mat, catching DeWayne Davis in a drop toe hold. Davis didn’t go to the mat as gracefully as his opponent had, and instead flailed his arms around before faceplanting. Burke kipped up to his feet and merely shook his head in slight amusement. Burke grabbed Davis off the mat, and while the wary Don Dada was hoping for some sort of divine intervention, Burke proceeded to irish whip him into the far corner. Davis hit the corner hard, back first, and stumbled forward due to the force of the impact. Burke was right there, however, and drilled Davis in the gut with a right hand. Davis doubled over in pain, and "Mr. Old School" hooked him, bringing him up in the air with a suplex. Instead of dropping Davis right away, Steve Burke held his opponent straight up, an impressive display of strength indeed, stalling the suplex in an effort for the blood to rush to Davis’ head. After a few seconds, Burke brought Davis crashing to the mat and made the cover. He nearly got him, but Davis was able to get the shoulder up right before the three.
END: DeWayne Davis was a sitting duck, so to speak, for the remainder of the match. Burke systematically broke him down, alternating between headlocks, chinlocks and armbars. Even when Davis managed to break free from one of the holds, the Don Dada was quickly taken back to the mat by his opponent. In front of the packed arena, "Mr. Old School" brought Davis over to the corner and hoisted him onto the turnbuckle pads. Burke then climbed to the second ropes, grabbed his opponent by the head, and propelled himself backwards, driving Davis’ skull into the apron. Burke covered, but right as the referee’s hand was about to hit the mat for the third and final time, Davis somehow placed his boot on the bottom rope. Burke seemed incensed and laid into the referee for the slow count. Burke pulled Davis into the center of the ring and paced around in a circle around him, stopping only momentarily to drive a boot into his jaw. After the fourth kick, Steve Burke grabbed his opponent by the hair and brought him to his feet. Burke doubled over DeWayne Davis and set him up for a powerbomb. After Davis hit the mat with a loud thud, "Mr. Old School" rolled him over and applied his Old School Special Texas Cloverleaf. This time it was only a matter of seconds before Davis began to tap giving Burke his first victory in WFW:NE.
WINNER: Steve Burke via submission after locking on the Old School Special at 07:58.
LINKS: "The winner of this match ….. "MR. OLD SCHOOL" … STEVE BURKE!"
GHEORGHE: "Burke with a victory over DeWayne Davis … and he really took his opponent to town tonight!"
JIVE: "Davis hardly put up a fight…"
GHEORGHE: "Steve Burke on the assault from the beginning .. and he didn’t let up until he had the victory all wrapped up in a pretty bow!"
JIVE: "It’ll be interesting to see if Davis will recover from this poor first outing."
GHEORGHE: "You mean we’ll see him again?"
JIVE: "You got me."
GHEORGHE: "Congratulations again to Burke. ‘Mr. Old School’ may have just put a lot of guys on notice in the back with his win tonight. We’ve got to take a quick commercial break.. but when we come back .. Mr. Entertainment will attempt to rectify his elimination from the Christmas Tree Lot brawl at Unplugged as he takes on Jeff "Greenhorn" Jorgenson!"
It's Been Envisioned
VOICE: "Sex, baby, sex, fucking shove that shit all up in there, baby! ‘Bout God damn time!"
(Lights flicker around the arena as the fans are confused as to what is going on. The cameras focus on an angle between the fans, the ring and the video display over the entrance ramp. Video display is static snow. It then transitions though, turning to a dark locker room where two shadowy figures are standing. We can see that one of the figures is larger than the other; this one stands on the right. We hear one voice echo, it is deep and heavy as words escape its throat.)
VOICE: "Time is just a measurement, it’s a tool, nothing more than what we make of it. Time… it only exists because we believe it does. Time, it has suddenly decided to side with the innocent. It has decided to protect the few a bit longer... but time is running short."
(Another voice is heard, this one higher pitched. It looks as though the black mass on the screen steps back, giving the smaller mass the focal point of the camera shot.)
VOICE 2: "Yeah, it’s just a fucking measure of time! Like, pussy! I can fuck one all day, but that don’t mean I wasted my time, hell naw. I tore that rotten pinker ‘cause I wanted to, yeah. Time ain’t nothing. Time, time is just what it is, it’s just time, and it’s ‘bout time you realize what time it is!"
(There is confusion amongst the fans in the audience as the larger shadowy mass steps forward to speak again, the smaller one slipping behind him.)
VOICE: "Time is just a wakeup call. When one human’s time ends, another one takes it places. Just like champions; as you all sit there, focused on cheering for your King Krushers’ and Shawn Harts’, you fail to realize how much time you’ve wasted. Time is a measurement, and by this measurement, you have all wasted too much on these mediocre fools. It’s time you find something better."
VOICE 2: "Like my dick!"
VOICE: "It’s time you pull yourselves from the slime you’ve entrenched yourselves in .. because of your pathetic nature."
VOICE 2: "Just like that bitch made me pull out last night!"
VOICE: "It’s time you realized how utterly low-class this place is."
VOICE 2: "Like a skank! A really nasty ass skank!"
VOICE: "Seek and you will find; deny me and I will still deliver; that is The Prophecy. That is the vision, and you will be forced to share that vision with me."
VOICE 2: "Hell yeah! Fuck that bitch up! Tell 'em!"
VOICE: "It’s already been envisioned."
VOICE 2: "And we don't give a damn if you don't like it!"
GHEORGHE: "We are back!"
JIVE: "Now can I go to the green room?"
JIVE: "But, c’mon! While every match with Mr. Entertainment is a grand affair, he’s going to wipe the floor with Jorgenson!"
GHEORGHE: "Really? Because if I remember correctly, Jeff Jorgenson made short work of Entertainment in the Christmas Tree Lot brawl."
JIVE: "And tonight he’s going to pay him back for that travesty!"
JIVE: "I’d bet my left nut on it."
GHEORGHE: "That’s just.. wrong."
JIVE: "Damn right."
GHEORGHE: "Jorgenson is the fan favorite in this match. He’s a strong talent and shouldn’t be counted out, Nick."
JIVE: "He’s wet behind the ears."
GHEORGHE: "Everyone was at one point in time."
JIVE: "Mr. Entertainment was the Television champion for a very, very long time. He’s got the talent and the drive to get that title back. Jeff Jorgenson isn’t going to stop him."
GHEORGHE: "We’re about to find out!"
(CUTTO: The ring. Jamie Links stands, microphone poised, as the lineup comes on screen.)
Jeff Jorgenson vs. Mr. Entertainment
LINKS: "The following match is scheduled for one fall, and has a thirty minute time limit!"
(CUEUP: "Any Way You Want It" by Journey. The crowd pops huge as the music hits. Jeff Jorgenson hits the ramp, full of energy, and darts to the ring all the while shouting "COME ON BABY!" He leaps to the apron and hops over the top rope as the crowd continues to cheer him on.)
JIVE: "Jorgenson wasting a lot of energy before the match even starts!"
GHEORGHE: "He’s a great competitor, Nick… all riled up and ready to go!"
JIVE: "Go home with his tail tucked in between his legs you mean."
LINKS: "Hailing from Merrow, Connecticut… standing five foot eight and weighing 170 pounds…… JEFF …. "GREENHORN" …. JORGENSON!"
JIVE: "170? Maybe if you tied 10 pound weights to each of his legs… hmm.. that might not be a bad idea afterall."
(CUEUP: "That’s Entertainment!" by the Jam. The crowd begins to jeer as a lone spotlight shines on the stage. Mr. Entertainment steps into the spotlight and raises his hands in the air. He begins to walk to the ring, slowly.)
LINKS: "And his opponent…. Weighing in at 234 pounds and standing six foot two…. Hailing from Ashland, Oregon … he is a former New ERA and WFW:NE Television champion …… MISTER ….. ENTERTAINMENT!"
JIVE: "Wow! I think I am faint just from watching Mr. Entertainment walk to the ring! So awe-inspiring!"
GHEORGHE: "You are such a loser, Nick."
JIVE: "Can you hold my headset while I go get an autograph?"
GHEORGHE: "Sit down!"
JIVE: "Man.. loosen up on the leash, Gheorghe! I can’t take the restrictions!"
GHEORGHE: "Ha, you’re such a drama queen, Nick."
JIVE: "No, I’m not! It’s your fault!"
GHEORGHE: "Go ahead, blame me for everything… but we’re about to start the match."
(SFX: Bell rings.)
BEGINNING: After the over-the-top entrance by the former WFW:NE Television champion came to a close, Entertainment walked straight up to Jorgenson and slapped him across the face. The young upstart didn’t take that too kindly and immediately charged Entertainment. Mr. Entertainment, getting exactly the reaction he wanted, countered the charge and took Jorgenson to the mat with an armdrag. With "Greenhorn" on the mat, Entertainment added salt to the wound by slapping Jorgenson a few times in the head. He immediately released the armlock he had on and Jorgenson got to his feet. With a gleam in his eye, Entertainment beckoned his opponent to give it his best. Jorgenson once again charged, but this time telegraphed Entertainment’s attempt at another armdrag and let his opponent fall to the mat. Jorgenson dropped down, grabbed the former Television champion’s arms and rolled over into a pinning combination. However, Jorgenson was unable to keep Entertainment down for the three. Both men popped to their feet, and this time it was Jorgenson who took Entertainment to the mat with an armdrag. Much to the fans’ delight, "Greenhorn" turned the tables and slapped the back of his head. Entertainment threw a back elbow that knocked Jorgenson square in the jaw and got to his feet, obviously none too happy about the events that transpired.
2nd QUARTER: Neither man seemed to be able to build much momentum as the match progressed. Entertainment strung together what looked to be a nice stretch after sending Jorgenson to the ropes and taking him up and over with the belly-to-belly suplex. That quickly turned out to be a falsity when he tried to follow it up with an elbow drop after rebounding against the ropes as Jorgenson rolled out of the way. Entertainment, holding his elbow after the miss, once more tried to keep his opponent from getting to his feet, but Jorgenson rolled out of the Boston Crab attempt and landed safely in the ropes. The referee backed Entertainment away to allow "Greenhorn" to get to his feet, and as Entertainment charged in, Jeff Jorgenson pulled himself into the corner. Entertainment tried to put on the brakes, but it was too late, and he ran chest first into the ropes. As Entertainment fell to the mat, Jorgenson hopped to the top rope and soared through the air landing a beautiful moonsault off the second rope. Once more, though, he was only able to keep the former Television champion down for two. Jorgenson reached down to bring Entertainment to his feet, but the most electrifying wrestler in the business caught him offguard and rolled him up with a small package. The fans were nearly deflated, but quickly realized that Jorgenson was able to kick out! Mr. Entertainment made it to his feet before his opponent, and grabbed "Greenhorn" by the tights sending him shoulder first through the turnbuckles and into the steel post. Never one to miss an opportunity to gloat, Mr. Entertainment strutted around the ring taunting the fans.
3rd QUARTER: Jorgenson, still resting with his shoulder against the post, began to pull himself back into the ring. Entertainment continued to showboat as he walked up behind his opponent. With his grip firm, Entertainment assisted "Greenhorn" out of the corner, hooked the waist, and drove him into the mat with a sideslam. Groggy, Jeff Jorgenson sat up as Mr. Entertainment walked to the corner. The former Television champion ran out, somersaulted over Jorgenson, and grabbed his head snapping it forward. Entertainment stood over Jeff Jorgenson before he made a very nonchalant cover. Half expecting it, Entertainment was quick to hop to his feet as Jorgenson got his shoulder off the mat. With a handful of hair, Mr. Entertainment grabbed Jorgenson and sent him into the ropes. Entertainment dropped to the mat as Jorgenson raced back off the ropes, but was not expecting Jorgenson to come flying back with a forearm smash! The fan favorite wasn’t able to capitalize, however, and both men were motionless in the center of the ring. The crowd began to stomp their feet in an attempt to motivate Jorgenson, but it turned out that Mr. Entertainment would be the first to sit up. He looked over at his opponent, then at the fans, a smile spreading across his lips. As Mr. Entertainment brushed himself off, Jeff Jorgenson kipped up. Unbeknownst to the former Television champion, Jorgenson stepped through the ropes and made the climb to the top. The crowd EXPLODED as the "Greenhorn" flew off the top rope catching Entertainment with a crossbody block right as he turned. The referee went to the mat and Jorgenson nearly scored the victory! With Jorgenson back on his feet, Mr. Entertainment pleaded with him to back off.
END: Jorgenson shook his head and raised his arms for the double axehandle. This gave Entertainment enough time to jam his forearm right into the crotch of the young upstart, doubling him over. Laughing as he grabbed the head of Jorgenson, Mr. Entertainment nailed the DDT. The fans became irate as Entertainment stood over the body of Jorgenson and "wiped his hands clean" so to speak. Entertainment, at the height of his hubris, grabbed Jorgenson’s legs, spread them and dropped a headbutt into the lower abdomen. The former Television champion signaled that the end was near and taunted the fans in the front low as he brought the "Greenhorn" to his feet. Mr. Entertainment grabbed Jorgenson by the thighs and brought him up into the air to drop him throat first onto the top rope with the Stun Gun. However, instead of setting him up for That’s Entertainment!, Jorgenson caught the top rope with his hands and blocked it! Mr. Entertainment scrambled to his feet, expecting Jorgenson to be stumbling backwards, but was met instead with a reverse crescent kick to the jaw! Entertainment blocked the second one and sent Jorgenson flying into the corner back first! The most entertaining superstar in all of *professional wrestling charged in after Jorgenson, but the "Greenhorn" pulled himself to the top as Entertainment went shoulder first into the turnbuckle! Jorgenson plopped down on the back of Entertainment as he was walking to the center of the ring … and flipped the former Television champion into a Victory Roll! Entertainment struggled hard, but Jeff Jorgenson held the pin until the referee made the count!
WINNER: Jeff Jorgenson via pinfall after a Victory Roll at 13:29.
LINKS: "The winner of this match … JEFF "GREENHORN" JORGENSON!"
JIVE: "WHAT!! I WANT A MULLIGAN!"
GHEORGHE: "Jeff Jorgenson catching Mr. Entertainment with that victory roll and he scores the pinfall!"
JIVE: "NO! NO! NO!"
GHEORGHE: "Jorgenson bolting out of here as he slaps the hands of the fans on his way up … and Mr. Entertainment is throwing a hissy fit in the ring!"
JIVE: "He just got screwed over! I would, too!"
GHEORGHE: "Nick, you throw a hissy fit whenever anyone questions anything you do.."
JIVE: "THAT’s NOT TRUE!"
JIVE: "If you’re going to brow beat me, Gheorghe, then I’m going to get out of here!"
GHEORGHE: "The exits over there, buddy… good luck trying to make it on your own."
JIVE: "I could if I wanted!"
GHEORGHE: "No one would touch anything you’d do with a ten foot pole."
GHEORGHE: "…. Are you going?"
GHEORGHE: "I see."
JIVE: "So… uh .. Peter File and HAL up next, eh?"
(Gheorghe rolls his eyes and continues on with the show.)
GHEORGHE: "I honestly cannot wait to see this next match, Nick."
JIVE: "HAL was thisclose to becoming the New ERA World Heavyweight champion at Unplugged… this match COULD have happened when Peter File receives his World Heavyweight championship shot at the WFW:NE World Heavyweight champion in Anaheim!"
GHEORGHE: "Peter File shocked a lot of people when he defeated Shawn Hart in a non-title match … and thanks to the powers that be, he’s going to get a chance at the WFW:NE World Heavyweight championship in Anaheim at Unplugged!"
JIVE: "I don’t know who I’m putting my money on in this match…"
GHEORGHE: "With your track record, Nick, I’d probably sit this one out."
JIVE: "You’re right … I need to save up for Las Vegas.."
GHEORGHE: "Oh Lord. As long as you’re at ringside for Destrucity II…"
JIVE: "That depends on the poker tables, Gheorghe… I may just have to put my job on the line if I get too far in the hole."
GHEORGHE: "… Ladies and gentlemen .. Peter File and HAL are two of the brightest talents here in the WFW:NE. There is definitely gold in one, if not BOTH, of their futures… so this match should be one for the ages."
JIVE: "Maybe I’ll go with Peter File."
GHEORGHE: "I thought you said you weren’t going to pick a winner!"
JIVE: "Oh I already picked a few winners… just don’t look underneath the broadcast table."
JIVE: "Oh come on! I’m only half-joking!"
GHEORGHE: "That is just gross."
JIVE: "I’m going with File. HAL had all the odds in his favor at Unplugged. A World Heavyweight champion who had been tirelessly defending his belt … in a match where he was winless.. and unfortunately he got screwed. File defeated Hart one on one in a wrestling ring."
GHEORGHE: "Very true, Nick, very true…. Well, let’s see if your prediction is right! Let’s send this over to Jamie Links and get this show on the road!"
(CUTTO: Ringside. Jamie Links stands in the ring as the lineup comes on screen.)
Special Guest Referee, Alex Wylde
Peter File vs. HAL
LINKS: "The following match is scheduled for one fall and has a thirty minute time limit! Introducing first…. Tonight’s special referee…."
(CUEUP: "Diesel Power" by Prodigy. The crowd begins to jeer as Alex Wylde steps through the curtain wearing a referee’s shirt, its sleeves cut off. He makes his way down to the ring.)
JIVE: "And how precious is this?! Alex Wylde the special guest referee tonight.."
GHEORGHE: "He is a former World Heavyweight champion of WFW … and you better believe that he will be one of the men who will want a stake in the WFW:NE World Heavyweight championship after Destrucity II."
LINKS: "He is a former WFW World Heavyweight champion …… ALEX …. WYLDE!"
(Wylde slides into the ring and begins to pat down Jamie Links.)
GHEORGHE: "Woah, woah, woah!"
JIVE: "He’s just doing his job, Gheorghe!"
GHEORGHE: "Better get the lawyers on the phone …"
(Links protests, but Wylde throws his hands in the air signaling she’s clean.)
JIVE: "Good! Links won’t be a problem in this match!"
GHEORGHE: "SHE’s THE RING ANNOUNCER!"
JIVE: "Exactly…. Exactly."
(Links glares at Wylde as "It’s All About the Pentiums" by Weird Al cues. The fans jeer harder as HAL steps through the curtains, carrying a laptop with him to the ring.)
LINKS: "Introducing first… hailing from Redwood, Washington … he stands six feet four, 282 pounds ….. HAROLD … A. LUMBOURGH ….. HAL!"
(Hal slides into the ring, paying no attention to Links, nor Wylde.)
GHEORGHE: "The question that everyone is asking themselves tonight … has HAL corrected his calculations? Can he walk out of here with a victory over the number one contender?"
JIVE: "Hope so … I’m not sure his systems could handle two malfunctions in a row."
(CUEUP: "Fuck Away the Pain" by Peaches.)
LINKS: "And his opponent…. Hailing from New Haven, Connecticut…. He is the #1 contender to the WFW:NE World Heavyweight championship …… "the SULTAN … of TWAT…" PETER … FILE!"
(The lights come up .. but the entranceway is empty.)
GHEORGHE: "Where the hell is he?"
JIVE: "Maybe he found a glory hole he’d never seen before?"
GHEORGHE: "Jamie Links standing in the ring waiting for File to come out … and Alex Wylde looking at his watch!"
(The music cuts.)
GHEORGHE: "HAL shrugging it off as he continues to prepare.."
JIVE: "This is unlike Peter File.. especially now that he’s the number one contender! He’s got a guaranteed shot at whoever wins the unification match at Destrucity II!"
GHEORGHE: "I don’t know what to tell you, fans…"
(CUEUP: "Fuck Away the Pain" by Peaches. The crowd pops.)
GHEORGHE: "HERE WE GO!"
JIVE: "See! I told you he was probably finishing up a quickie!"
(The curtains part. The crowd begins to murmur.)
GHEORGHE: "What the…"
JIVE: "He’s not in his wrestling gear!!"
(File takes a step forward. His normally tussled hair slicked back and held into place by what looks to be a tub-worth of gel. Instead of the stained white pants and torn JEM shirt, he is wearing dark slacks, and a black-t shirt .. with the graphic of a white tie on it. He smiles as he begins to walk down the rampway.)
GHEORGHE: "What the hell is wrong with him? He’s going to wrestle like that?!"
JIVE: "Peter File ….. is he wearing one of those tie t-shirts?!"
(Indeed he is. He gets to the ring and steps through. HAL peers over his laptop at him. Alex Wylde steps forward, but File puts his hand up and requests the microphone from Links.)
GHEORGHE: "What on God’s green earth is he doing now?"
JIVE: "Well obviously he’s going to give the fans out here some pre-match verbal foreplay!"
(File brings the microphone to his mouth. Before speaking, he gently licks the top of it … the fans begin to jeer.)
GHEORGHE: "Oh my."
(File stops and turns to HAL.)
FILE: "It is I. The Messiah of the masses."
FILE: "And the number one contender to the WFW:NE World Heavyweight championship."
GHEORGHE: "We know this! Put down the mic and wrestle already!"
FILE: "My darlings, I hope you didn’t get too excited to see the Sultan of Twat in action tonight."
FILE: "Let me rephrase that. I hope you didn’t expect to see me WRESTLE tonight.."
(Crowd jeers louder!)
GHEORGHE: "What does he mean?!"
FILE: "Being the #1 contender means a lot of things. The most important of which, my precious….es… is that I no longer am going to …. SOIL myself on a television program!"
FILE: "No, no. If you want to see me in action, you need to pay the 29.95 for WFW:NE Destrucity II …"
FILE: "Or the 1.95 per minute on Xtube."
JIVE: "What’s Xtube?"
GHEORGHE: "Don’t even try that game, Nick."
(File walks up to HAL and stares him up and down.)
FILE: "As for you … pretty little thing. This match tonight ain’t happening."
(HAL’s eyes open a bit wider at the news.)
FILE: "If you want a piece of me … bring it… at Destrucity."
GHEORGHE: "Wait.. is he SERIOUSLY not going to wrestle tonight?!"
FILE: "Hart handed you your ass on a silver platter at Unplugged… and at Destrucity II …"
(He licks his lips.)
FILE: "I’m goin’ to eat it."
(LOUD GROAN by the fans. File drops the microphone and heads through the ropes. He runs his hand over the helmet that is his hair and walks up the rampway.)
JIVE: "HE’s LEAVING!"
GHEORGHE: "What the hell is going on here?! Just because he’s the #1 contender, Peter File thinks he can just … NOT wrestle on RAUCOUS?"
JIVE: "Alex Wylde looks just as dumbfounded as you!"
GHEORGHE: "Alex Wylde yelling at File to get back into the ring …. But File is already up at the curtain!"
(Peter File turns to the crowd, brings his hands to his mouth, and blows the entire building a kiss before turning and exiting.)
GHEORGHE: "Alex Wylde has no other option.. he is counting File out!"
JIVE: "HAL not getting the decisive victory he needed …. And while a win is a win … he wanted to come out here and prove that his loss at Unplugged was just a bug!"
GHEORGHE: "Wylde at eight…… nine …… ten! Peter File has been counted out!"
WINNER: HAL via countout at 02:02.
(Jamie Links looks down at the microphone on the mat… the one File had just used … and decides to break out a new one. She reaches behind the timekeeper’s bell and grabs one.)
LINKS: "Testing.. testing…"
(Satisfied she stands upright.)
LINKS: "The winner of this match … by count out….. HAROLD … A .. LUMBOURGH ….. HAL!!!!"
(The crowd jeers as HAL shakes his head in disgust. Wylde raises his arm, but HAL yanks it away, grabs his laptop and heads out of the ring.)
GHEORGHE: "HAL obviously not happy … even with the win!"
JIVE: "Apparently he’ll get his chance to do some beta testing at Destrucity II …"
GHEORGHE: "Peter File refusing to wrestle tonight …. Let’s just hope this doesn’t blow up in his face at the pay per view!"
JIVE: "He’d prefer it all over his face, anyway."
GHEORGHE: "Oh God. Ladies and gentlemen … we have to take a quick commercial break. When we come back .. the WFW:NE Television championship is on the line …. John Doe will take on the champ, Cameron Cruise!"
(CUTTO: Back to the arena. Tom Gheorghe sits alone at the broadcast table.)
GHEORGHE: "Welcome back to RAUCOUS … as you can see, Nick wandered off during the commercial break.."
(The crowd pops and then jeers as Nick Jive comes running down the rampway, a cup of coffee in his hand, some of it spilling over the top.)
GHEORGHE: "Ah, there he is."
(Jive turns the corner and almost trips over the cameraman. The cup of coffee tumbles to the floor. Jive looks down at his hands, and then at the cameraman. Dejected, he shuffles to the broadcast table.)
GHEORGHE: "Glad to see you made it back."
(Jive slumps in his chair and puts his headset on.)
JIVE: "Who the hell puts cameramen around the ring?!"
GHEORGHE: "I told you not to go…"
JIVE: "Leave me alone."
(CUEUP: "Holy Mountain" by Sleep. The crowd POPS!)
JIVE: "Oh god."
GHEORGHE: "That’s Erik Black’s music!"
JIVE: "I think he’s been hitting up the pot bars here in Colorado…. He doesn’t face the Television champion until Destrucity!"
(Black walks out from behind the curtain carrying his very large bong. He walks to down the ramp, a huge smile on his face.)
JIVE: "He’s toasted!"
GHEORGHE: "Erik Black walking down to the ring… Lord knows what he is doing here tonight!"
JIVE: "Isn’t it obvious?! He’s out of his mind!"
(Black makes it to the ring, but instead of walking up the ringsteps, he heads straight to the broadcast table.)
JIVE: "Uh… what is he doing?"
(Black drops his instrument on the table next to Jive and plops down next to him.)
JIVE: "Oh God no."
BLACK: "What up, gentlemen?"
GHEORGHE: "Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we’re going to have a special guest for this next match! How you doing, Erik?"
(Black looks over at the two men and smiles widely.)
GHEORGHE: "Good, I’m guessing?"
BLACK: "Ah... 'good' doesn't do the feeling any justice. I am just EPIC right now, man. That's the best way I can describe it."
JIVE: "Unless you brought enough to share with your classmates, Black, you better walk your ass out of here."
(Black, still smiling, puts his arm around Jive’s head and gives him a noogie.)
BLACK: "Aw, relax dude! I got a J with your name on it!"
JIVE: "HELP!!! He smells HORRIBLE!!"
GHEORGHE: "Ha, ha! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a great match coming up next. The WFW:NE Television championship is on the line … John Doe and Cameron Cruise one on one in the very ring in front of us!"
BLACK: "Good thing I'm blazed, cause this smells like a snoozer..."
(Jive’s hand slowly moves across the table towards Black’s instrument. Black slaps his hand at the last second.)
BLACK: "Wouldn't do that, dude. I'm currently groovin' on some high-grade product. I don't think you'd be able to handle it..."
GHEORGHE: "Let’s send this to Jamie Links in the ring and get this match underway!"
(CUTTO: In the ring. The lineup comes on screen.)
John Doe vs. Cameron Cruise (c)
LINKS: "The following match is scheduled for one fall, has a thirty minute time limit .. and is for the WFW:NE TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP!"
(SFX: Crowd pop!)
LINKS: "Introducing first…. Hailing from parts unknown…"
(CUEUP: "Who Are You" by the Who. Pyro goes off around the arena as "WFW:NE" flashes on the bigscreens. It then cuts to a blurred face of a man, and cuts to film of him wrestling. Blue fireworks go off around the top of the ramp as John Doe steps into the ringside area. The words "JOHN DOE" flash and shake on the big screen as Doe walks to the ring.)
LINKS: "He weighs in at 210 pounds …. And stands six foot one …. a former New ERA of Wrestling PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion ….. JOHN ….. DOE!"
GHEORGHE: "John Doe is in the ring … and he looks ready to take the title home with him tonight!"
JIVE: "Who would YOU rather face at Destrucity, pothead? Dumb or Dumber?"
BLACK: "Oh man... I'd take Jeff Daniels in the ring ANY day!"
JIVE: "…Doe or Cruise?"
BLACK: "OH, uh... I dunno, man. There are pros and cons with either dude, but, I think the more appropriate question is, whom would I rather see as TV Champion... and to that I can quite confidently say NEITHER."
(CUEUP: "Killing in the Name Of" by Rage Against the Machine. Cruise steps through the curtain with the Television championship strapped around his waist. He walks to the ring, glancing at Black and then at Doe. The fans stand on their feet and give a huge pop.)
LINKS: "Hailing from Jacksonville, North Carolina … weighing in at 264 pounds … he is the CURRENT WFW:NE TELEVISION CHAMPION ……………. CAMERON ….. CRUISE!"
GHEORGHE: "We’re ready to go … the Television championship … ON THE LINE!"
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: "Cruise hands the championship belt to the referee, and he goes to hand it to the ring attendant…"
GHEORGHE: "OH MY!! CRUISE WITH A SWIFT KICK TO THE BALLS OF DOE WHILE THE REFEREE’s BACK WAS TURNED!"
JIVE: "The real shocker is that John Doe HAS balls!"
BLACK: "Or had…"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise now with a handful of hair as the referee turns around … and he is asking Cruise what is going on!"
JIVE: "Like Cruise is going to say anything.."
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise now with Doe .. and he sends a knee into the chest! The Television champion walks into the corner …. And he just slammed Doe’s head right into the top turnbuckle pad!"
JIVE: "Well that’s not going to do much…"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise now with some vicious shots to the mid-section … grabs the head of Doe ... and races out of the corner with the running bulldog!"
JIVE: "Cruise is mopping the mat clean with Doe!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise with the head of Doe … scraping his face into the mat!"
BLACK: "Ouch... THAT's a buzzkill. Cruise is definitely fighting like he's got something to prove tonight... I just can't figure out what it is."
JIVE: "That doesn't surprise me..."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise back on his feet and he circles around behind John Doe… Cameron Cruise now grabbing onto the legs of his opponent….. AND HE NAILS HIM WITH A FLAPJACK!"
JIVE: "I haven’t seen anyone do a flapjack in a LONG time."
BLACK: "Now I've got a hankering for pancakes..."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise bends down and yanks Doe up by the arm…. Underneath with the armwrench .. and now he applies a hammerlock!"
JIVE: "When did Cameron Cruise learn wrestling moves? I figured he just went out there and bored his opponents into submission?"
GHEORGHE: "Do you have anything nice to say about either one of these guys?"
BLACK: "Yea, man…"
JIVE: "I dislike anyone I damn well please, thank you very much."
GHEORGHE: "Doe reaching around with his free hand trying to free Cruise’s grip … but the Television champion locking the hold on tighter and tighter….. AND DOE CHARGES THE ROPES AND THE MOMENTUM SENDS CRUISE THROUGH!"
JIVE: "Cruise wasn’t expecting that…."
BLACK: "DAMN, neither was I! I missed that last move cause I was too busy staring at the back of my hand, cause I was bored..."
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise back on his feet after hitting the arena floor … and he shoots John Doe a dirty look."
JIVE: "Doe has his back to him anyway. He’s probably trying to pop his shoulder back into place."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise slides back into the ring and comes up behind Doe … but John Doe with a mule kick! Doe spins around and grabs Cruise… SITDOWN FACEBUSTER! Doe with a quick cover…. ONE ……….. TW—NO! Cruise got the shoulder up."
JIVE: "Doe trying to sneak a victory over Cruise …"
BLACK: "I'm gonna sneak a hit in the meantime... 'scuse me..."
GHEORGHE: "Doe climbing to his feet .. Cruise starting to rise, himself .. and they meet up! Collar and elbow tie up … Cruise using his weight advantage… and John Doe is being backed right into the corner."
JIVE: "Doe can’t compete with Cruise in that type of situation. He’s giving up practically 50 pounds!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise has Doe back… NO! John Doe throwing all his weight and reverses! Cruise backed into the corner …. AND DOE NAILS HIM WITH THE SPINNING SAVATE KICK!"
JIVE: "Right smack in the jaw."
BLACK: *COUGH COUGH* "Dude, I lost my hit!"
JIVE: "Hey man, put that thing out or share the wealth!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise stunned as he comes out of the corner …. Doe runs right past him!! Doe runs to the second turnbuckle pad as Cruise turns …. AND DOE WITH THE TORNADO DDT FROM THE SECOND ROPE!"
JIVE: "Cameron Cruise just got planted … Doe covers… but can’t get the three count."
GHEORGHE: "John Doe picking up the pace of this match it seems.. that may be his best chance at walking into Destrucity II as the WFW:NE Television champion!"
JIVE: "That or a natural disaster wipes away all of the WFW:NE roster…"
BLACK: "S'pose it's possible. That asteroid could hit the planet when we least except it..."
JIVE: "…I'm not even going to ask."
GHEORGHE: "John Doe on his feet … and now he drives the sole of his boot into the face of Cruise!"
JIVE: "Cruise didn’t even have a chance to block that one."
GHEORGHE: "Doe now placing his feet behind the knees of the strewn out Television champion … Doe …. Grabbing the arms…. AND HE’s GOT CRUISE LOCKED IN A SURFBOARD!"
JIVE: "John Doe trying to wear down Cruise .. and a surfboard is a damn good way to do it."
BLACK: "See, now if it were ME in that position, I would have already found a way out of it. I can break out of ANY submission hold, you know. Sitting around and getting high gives me a lot of time to think of things like this."
GHEORGHE: "But wait! Cruise’s weight taking its toll on Doe and his shoulders are on the mat! The ref down to make the count on DOE! ONE ………….. TWO …………… THREE!!"
JIVE: "No! John Doe realized at the last second what was happening and he released the hold to get his shoulder off the mat."
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise almost retaining the Television championship there … and he didn’t even have to do anything!"
JIVE: "Gheorghe… he’s wrestling Doe."
GHEORGHE: "What is THAT supposed to mean?"
BLACK: "I think he rests his case…"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise on one knee as John Doe regroups and comes back in … but Cruise with a closed fist to the gut! ANOTHER! A third! The Television champion is back on his feet and he is firing away on the challenger!"
JIVE: "These guys are like a group of homeless after someone tosses down a one dollar bill… fighting back and forth unable to gain any advantage."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise grabs Doe…. REALITY CHECK! OUT OF NOWHERE!"
JIVE: "John Doe held onto the ropes! Cruise flung himself to the mat!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise trying to get back to his feet, but John Doe driving the forearms into his back to keep him down…. And finally Doe with a rake of the eyes! Cruise holding on to the ropes and his face… and Doe with a handful of hair yanks Cruise back! The back of the head smashes on the mat and now Doe with the cover!! ONE …… TWO …… kickout!"
JIVE: "Doe lucky he was able to grab the ropes… he would have been roadkill if Cruise nailed the Reality Check."
BLACK: "Man, I hate to say it, but the Reality Check is overrated. Forget the fact that it's just a LAME move, but... I mean, 'reality' is just boring on its own."
JIVE: "I guess that's why you try to get away from it all the time?"
BLACK: "It's stupid just to call it 'getting away', Nick! We're talking expanding the mind beyond time and space, and realizing that 'reality' is just a self-imposed perception!"
JIVE: "I have no idea what you're babbling about, so let's just focus on the match again."
GHEORGHE: "John Doe bringing Cruise up … and takes him over with a snapmare… and Doe follows it up with a dropkick to the back of the head!"
JIVE: "Doe working Cruise’s head and neck… Cruise needs to get some sort of offense going if he plans on retaining the championship."
GHEORGHE: "John Doe against the ropes … comes back and measures Cruise … and he drives the elbow into the sternum! Doe up again … against the ropes …. AND A SECOND ELBOW! The crowd heckling Doe …. and he’s going over to the ropes to tell them to shut up!"
JIVE: "I guess he didn’t take his ADD medication this morning … the crowd easily distracting him."
BLACK: "Yeah, that's right... BERATE the people that pay to come here and realize that you aren't worth their money. And this guy legitimately believes he belongs as the TV Champion?!"
JIVE: "As opposed to a hippy like you?"
BLACK: "WHOOOOOAAA, dude."
GHEORGHE: "Doe flipping some fans with bird … bounces against the ropes and drops the elbow … BUT NO ONE’s HOME!"
JIVE: "Cruise rolling out of the way and Doe just jammed his elbow!"
GHEORGHE: "John Doe sits up and nurses his elbow … and he does not look happy."
JIVE: "Well he needs to stop sulking and focus on keeping Cruise on the mat."
BLACK: "Let's get one thing perfectly straight here, Jive. I am not... repeat, I AM NOT a goddamn HIPPY!"
JIVE: "Uh... Tom?"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise getting to his feet … and that forces John Doe to scramble to his! Doe comes in …. But Cruise takes him down with a drop toe hold! Cameron Cruise floats over the back of Doe and locks on the headlock! The fans cheering on the Television champion!"
JIVE: "John Doe outwitted there… which I guess no one should be surprised by."
BLACK: "Hippies listen to crappy jam music and smell like patchouli and want to save the Earth, or some tree-hugging crap. I'm a STONER, and there IS a distinct difference!"
JIVE: "Be quiet, I'm trying to ignore you."
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise re-adjusting himself … and he switches to a front facelock!"
JIVE: "Better leverage."
BLACK: "For one thing, we listen to metal, and Black Sabbath. I mean, good metal. The really obscure shit that never got famous because people weren't open-minded enough to take it in all at once..."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise trying to apply as much pressure as he can…."
JIVE: "The Television champion needs to do more, though. He has to figure out a way to finish this match."
BLACK: "Like, has anybody here ever heard of St. Vitus? Probably not, but DAMN, dude, those guys made rock music what it IS!!"
JIVE: "What the HELL are you talking about?!"
BLACK: "...for the life of me, I suddenly can't remember."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise releasing the facelock and he grabs Doe by the back of the tights and hoists him up. Cameron Cruise pushes Doe forward …. But pulls him back by the tights and rams a forearm into the small of Doe’s back!"
JIVE: "Cruise needs to focus on the lower back and the lower extremities. Keeping Doe from his air game will ensure the inevitable."
BLACK: "Cruise couldn't break a pencil over his knee... and Doe doesn't have ANY air game. He just dives off of things. Me, now, I make it into an ART FORM. I make high-flying, reality-defying high-risk maneuvers a freakin' Olympic sport!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise with another shot to the lower back … and he swings Doe around .. boot to the gut …. AND CRUISE HITS THE JUMPING PILEDRIVER! ONE ………….. TWO …………… THREE—NO!! The challenger kicks out!"
JIVE: "I think I just heard the air escaping Doe’s head!"
GHEORGHE: "Oh come on, Nick!"
JIVE: "Don’t worry, Gheorghe.. I’m sure there’s plenty more still in there…"
GHEORGHE: "The Television champion grabbing the legs of John Doe … and he’s going for the figure four!"
JIVE: "There ya go, Cammy! Work the legs!"
BLACK: "He's just NOW figuring this out..."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise has the figure four locked on and John Doe looks to be in an ENORMOUS amount of pain!"
JIVE: "Doe is screaming like a little bitch."
BLACK: "Heh, yeah..."
GHEORGHE: "I’d like to see Cameron Cruise put you in the figure four and see how well you’d take it!"
BLACK: "Like I said, I can break out of ANY submission hold. That figure four? I'd be out of it by now. Cameron Cruise doesn't intimidate me..."
JIVE: "I sit here for 2 to 3 hours every RAUCOUS with you, Gheorghe.. I think I would be just fine in a figure four."
GHEORGHE: "I can schedule that for you.."
JIVE: "I’d like to see you try…"
GHEORGHE: "Doe trying to reach for the ropes … trying to reach for Cruise … trying anything and everything he can to break the hold, but the Television champion has it locked on tight."
JIVE: "Cruise has Doe perfectly positioned. He’s just far enough from the ropes where he can’t reach them … but he’ll keep wasting energy trying to!"
GHEORGHE: "The referee repeatedly asking Doe if he wants to submit .. but Doe paying him no attention!"
BLACK: "That is one persistent sucker..."
JIVE: "Keep on grabbing, Doe! Keep on trying!"
GHEORGHE: "You are awful."
JIVE: "What! I’m giving him moral support!"
GHEORGHE: "For some reason I can’t quite associate "moral" and you, Nick."
JIVE: "Look at this! Doe is starting to fade!"
BLACK: "I think his bowl is cashed!"
GHEORGHE: "John Doe has been stuck in this hold now for a good amount of time… and he is beginning to slow! John Doe… his shoulders are down! ONE ……. TWO ………….. THREE!"
GHEORGHE: "Doe shooting his shoulder up before the referee can finish the count… ONE …………. TWO …………. THREE!"
JIVE: "God dammit!"
GHEORGHE: "And Doe gets the shoulder up once more! Cameron Cruise wrenching the figure four … If he keeps this up Doe might pass out from the pain!"
BLACK: "And I might pass out from boredom!"
JIVE: "I THINK HE JUST DID!"
GHEORGHE: "Doe’s shoulders go back down … and he isn’t moving! ONE ……………………… TWO ……………………….. THREE!!! CRUISE RETAINS!! CRUISE RETAINS!!!!"
(SFX: HUGE POP FROM THE CROWD!)
JIVE: "Erik, I hope you’ve prepared for Cruise.."
BLACK: "HUH?! Oh, sorry, blacked out for a second..."
GHEORGHE: "WAIT!!! THE REFEREE IS SAYING THAT DOE GOT THE SHOULDER UP!!! CRUISE IS PISSED!!"
JIVE: "But Doe was out!!"
BLACK: "Where am I again?"
GHEORGHE: "JOHN DOE JUST SHOT UP!!! DOE SITTING UP … AND HE POPS CRUISE IN THE MOUTH WITH A FIST!"
JIVE: "No, dammit, no!!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise’s head bounces back … and Doe with another shot! A third! A fourth!"
JIVE: "No! NO! NO!"
GHEORGHE: "AND JOHN DOE WITH ONE LAST SHOT CAUSES CRUISE TO RELEASE THE FIGURE FOUR!"
BLACK: "Wow... that took long enough for me to catch a NAP."
JIVE: "But the damage has been done!! Good luck, Doe, trying to get to your feet you little fuck!"
GHEORGHE: "The Television champion sits up on the mat holding his face … and John Doe has turned himself onto his stomach and is pulling himself to the ropes!"
JIVE: "God dammit! John Doe is like a case of scabies! He just never goes away!"
BLACK: "Dude, tell me about it..."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise following Doe … and he grabs him….. BUT DOE TURNS AND SPITS IN THE EYE OF CRUISE!"
JIVE: "That’s disgusting!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise wiping his eye as he gets to his feet … AND DOE HAS PULLED HIMSELF UP! Cruise comes in …. BUT DOE WITH A DOUBLE BOOT TO THE GUT!"
JIVE: "Don’t fuck this up, Cameron!"
BLACK: "Don't worry... he fucked it up a long time ago."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise comes in … AND DOE WITH ANOTHER BOOT! Cameron doubled over …. AND DOE WITH A STUNNER!! He covers!!! ONE ………………. TWO ………………… THREE!!! HOLY HELL JOHN DOE IS THE NEW TELEVISION CHAMPION!!!"
JIVE: "I DON’T THINK SO, GHEORGHE! Cruise got his foot on the bottom rope!!"
GHEORGHE: "He did! Cruise with great ring awareness managing to get his foot on the bottom rope!"
JIVE: "But both men are down! The ref is beginning his count!"
GHEORGHE: "If this match ends in a no decision … that would mean Cameron Cruise would still go to Destrucity II as the Television champion!"
BLACK: "Meh, I suppose it's better than nothing..."
JIVE: "The referee’s at three now! Neither man is moving!"
GHEORGHE: "The WFW:NE Television championship on the line … and one of these men will go on to Destrucity to face you, Erik…"
BLACK: "Far out, man. Far fucking out!"
GHEORGHE: "Ha, ha!"
JIVE: "The referee now up to SEVEN!"
GHEORGHE: "Eight …… NINE! ……."
(SFX: Pops as Cruise sits up!)
GHEORGHE: "CRUISE SAT UP! The referee stops his count!"
JIVE: "Doe is starting to stir it looks like … either that or he’s having spasms…"
BLACK: "Huh... I wonder what HE'S on."
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise SLOOOOWLY getting to his feet … and now he picks up Doe … the Television champion with a whip to the ropes …. Doe on the rebound ….. AND CRUISE LOCKS ON A SLEEPER!"
BLACK: "Oh man, Cruise is the MASTER at putting people to sleep! Did you see his promo this week?"
JIVE: "Doe’s going to be at the mercy of Cameron Cruise!"
GHEORGHE: "Doe struggling … and struggling …. Wait! He’s starting to get to the side of Cruise!"
JIVE: "Both men getting sloppy now!"
GHEORGHE: "CRUISE HOOKED BY DOE…… AND BROUGHT TO THE MAT WITH A SIDE SUPLEX!"
JIVE: "Doe fell on top!"
GHEORGHE: "The ref down to count……. ONE …………………. TWO ………………….. THREE! NO!!"
JIVE: "Cruise reverses!! Cruise hooked the arms and slid Doe across his body for a pinning combination!"
GHEORGHE: "ONE ………………. TWO …………………. THRE—NOOOO!! Doe able to use gravity to his advantage! Doe’s legs falling into the ropes!"
JIVE: "The referee pulling them apart… and Cameron Cruise must be wondering what he has to do to finish this!"
BLACK: "Always wondering, never actually KNOWING..."
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise on his feet …. And he grabs Doe by the head…. Cameron Cruise with an irish whip into the corner…… NO!! DOE WITH THE REVERSAL AND CRUISE GOES CRASHING BACK FIRST INTO THE CORNER!"
JIVE: "DoeTrack arriving in t-minus 5 seconds…"
GHEORGHE: "Doe charges in AND HE HITS THE SPLASH IN THE CORN…."
JIVE: "Oh no he doesn’t!"
GHEORGHE: "CRUISE!! CRUISE CAUGHT DOE!! THE TELEVISION CHAMPION HAS DOE OVER HIS SHOULDER… AND HE COMES RACING OUT OF THE CORNER!! SHIPWRECK!!! SHIPWRECK!!!!"
JIVE: "HE NAILED HIM!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise leans back across the chest of John Doe ….. ONE …………………… TWO …………………………. THREE!!!! HE GOT HIM!"
BLACK: "Oh, wow man!"
(SFX: Bell rings.)
LINKS: "The winner of this match …….. and STILL WFW:NE TELEVISION CHAMPION ….."
(CUEUP: "Killing in the Name Of" by Rage Against the Machine. The fans explode as Cruise gets to his feet, arms raised in the air.)
LINKS: "CAMERON …… CRUISE!!!!"
GHEORGHE: "What a match!!!!"
JIVE: "What an EFFORT on the part of Cameron Cruise! John Doe simply REFUSED to give in, but in the end, it was quick thinking and reflexes on the part of the Television champion that allowed him to retain the title!"
BLACK: "Ah, well... I honestly didn't want to have to listen to that guy for a second time. He's mentally inhibiting."
(In the ring, the referee returns the Television championship to Cameron Cruise, as the defeated Doe rolls out of the ring and punches the floor in frustration.)
GHEORGHE: "A lot of credit should be given over to John Doe, who came in and gave it his all here tonight..."
BLACK: "Yeah, well... sometimes a person's "all" ain't quite enough to go over the hump. You have to think of a way to use it effectively. If John Doe had kept off the ground and taken to the air more, we'd be seeing a new Television champion walking out of that ring."
JIVE: "Well, given you're now set to meet Cameron Cruise at Destrucity, I guess you'll have the opportunity to finally show us all your excessive "stoner brilliance"!"
BLACK: "Eh, I could... but is the rest of the world READY for it? Is CAMERON CRUISE ready? I look up there and I see a BUM wrestling the same way people have wrestled for GENERATIONS, and I'm wondering why this industry is still living in the dark ages!"
(CUTTO: the commentary table as "The Druid" Erik Black rises to his feet, looking very unimpressed at the specimen of champion in the ring.)
BLACK: "Cruise can strut around that federation with that chintzy belt and pretend like he's someone important, but he AIN'T, plain and simple. I don't give a damn about winning titles and matches, because I was put on this planet to do only TWO things: Number one, smoke a shit-ton of weed and get really high. Number two, share the secrets of the Universe to my fellow Earthlings."
(Looking down to Tom and Nick, he points to Cruise as he mounts a corner, pompously holding the Television championship over his head.)
BLACK: "Whether or not I walk out of Destrucity with that belt, EVERYBODY -- him included -- is going to realize just how SMALL and POWERLESS Cameron Cruise is in this Universe. And believe me, it's NOT just the drugs talking..."
(Dropping the headset, "The Druid" Erik Black comes around the ring to go back to the backstage area, looking visibly unimpressed with Cruise's victory as he waves him off with his hands with a scoff and roll of the eyes. Cruise beckons him back into the ring, but Black continues walking, obviously having other pressing priorities.)
JIVE: "I'm willing to believe that last thing he said was a bold-faced lie..."
GHEORGHE: "Black very much prides himself on his alternate way of thinking, but... one has to wonder, were we just sitting next to some kind of a new age guru with astral knowledge, or a stoned moron babbling about nothing?"
JIVE: "Well he sure as hell doesn't look like any GURU, so what does THAT tell you, Tom?"
GHEORGHE: "In any case... with this victory tonight, "The Druid" Erik Black SHOULD put a lot of thought into the challenge Cameron Cruise will present him at Destrucity II!"
JIVE: "Well, he better be SOBER, because if this match was any indication of Cameron Cruise's abilities, then I'd say that Erik Black has bitten off more than he could chew."
(Cruise, now exiting the ring up the ramp, stops one last time on the stage and holds up the Television championship for the fans again, and they respond with an outpouring of love. He winks at the camera and disappears through the entranceway.)
Counting On It
(CUEUP: "Dogs of War" by Pink Floyd as it suddenly blares throughout the arena. Jason Payne makes his way onto the entrance ramp as his pyro display goes off and he surveys the crowd. The crowd pops for the pyro and Payne slowly makes his way down the ramp. Though Payne is wearing black sunglasses, it's obvious he is in a foul mood. There are no high fives with fans at ringside, there is no other display of emotion other than a barely contained rage, and an overwhelming focus. But a focus on what couldn't be speculated.)
JIVE: "What the hell is he doing out here? Cameron Cruise has already left ringside! If he wanted to beg Cruise about making him a champion again, he should have defeated Problem Child on Unplugged!"
GHEORGHE: "Jason Payne getting into the ring … and he does NOT look happy, Nick!"
GHEORGHE: "God only knows what is on his mind … but I’m sure we’re about to find out!"
(Payne steps onto the ring apron and stops in between two ring posts, surveying the crowd again, as if he were looking for something.... or perhaps... someone. Stepping through the ropes, he walks to a corner where a ring attendant hands him a microphone. Payne moves towards the center of the ring, and as the music dies down, the crowd comes alive a little bit. Payne looks into the camera and slowly brings the mic to his lips.)
PAYNE: "Ya know, it's not often that I come out here with just a microphone in my hand, and talk. In fact, I can't remember the last time I set foot in a ring that wasn't a match. I'm not a talker. I just get things done. I take care of business! And business... and business is why I am here on RAUCOUS, tonight!"
JIVE: "But there’s no one for him to lose to tonight!"
GHEORGHE: "Stop it!"
(Payne waits for the crowd pop to die down a bit before continuing.)
PAYNE: "Now as most of you know, I had a match at Unplugged against Problem Child. The winner was to go on to become Cameron Cruise's tag-team partner, and one half of the WFW:NE World Tag Team champions. Well, you don't see me standing here with a title belt around my waist, so you can guess how that turned out."
(The crowd boos loudly. Payne continues.)
JIVE: "Ha! The fans don’t even care!"
GHEORGHE: "I think they’re voicing their displeasure that he lost, Nick."
JIVE: "Likely story!"
PAYNE: "Now I've been in this business a long time. You win. You lose. One thing I have never done is make excuses for why I came up short in a match. But direct your attention to the screen, and let’s see exactly what happened."
(The screen begins showing photos from the PC/Payne match at Unplugged. The first picture shows PC pulling the ref into a Jason Payne clothesline.)
JIVE: "See! Payne should have been disqualified right there!"
PAYNE: "So Problem Child pulls the ref so that I end up knocking the ref out."
(The next picture comes up and shows PC grabbing a chair.)
PAYNE: "PC grabs a chair from ringside."
JIVE: "Obviously to protect himself considering you just took out the ref, dumbass!"
GHEORGHE: "That was NOT the reason…"
(The next two pictures come up in succession.)
PAYNE: "Now PC falls victim to Anesthesia and is out for the count. Oh but wait, no referee. Then lo and behold, look at what we have here?"
(The picture shifts to a photo of the masked intruder that threw a chain into PC.)
PAYNE: "So this person jumps the rail, throws a chain to PC, who proceeds to wallop me with it, and knocks me out of it long enough to get a three count. Well, like I said, it's not the fact that I lost the match. But it's what went down. Now I know I've made some enemies over the years. And I don't back down from any man, nor do I duck or dodge anyone that has a grudge against me. But as the pictures show, it would appear someone doesn't quite feel the same way. Now, I want to make it clear to everyone right now, whether you're sitting here in this arena, watching on television at home, standing in the dressing room, flying in a plane, riding in a car, or sitting up there in the big comfy corporate offices in Boston. It don't matter if you are Shawn Hart, Larry Tact, Adam Benjamin, Peter File, Jared Wells, hell it don't even matter if it's Marcus LaRoque himself!! Jason Payne wants answers, Jason Payne deserves answers, and Jason Payne is gonna get answers!"
JIVE: "The answer is seven."
GHEORGHE: "Oh will you quiet down!"
(Crowd pops as Payne turns and looks toward the entrance ramp.)
PAYNE: "And I'm telling all of you right here in this arena, and those watching at home one thing. I'm not taking this lying down. I'm not going to stand for this. I should be one half of the World Tag Team champions right now. And I don't know who it was that cost me that match, but one thing's for sure. That person better be good at hiding. Because if I ever find out who that was, rest assured, they are going to have a lot of time to think about their actions when they're lying in a hospital bed in traction because I kicked the ever loving dog crap out of them! Someone out there thinks he's got Jason Payne's number. Yea well one things for certain, when I get done, the only number that is going to matter is the number that's written on a little tag that will be tied to the toe of the one that crossed me."
(Payne looks into the hard camera.)
PAYNE: "Count on it!"
(Payne drops the mic as his music blares through the speakers as he storms back up the ramp.)
GHEORGHE: "Jason Payne with some STRONG words here on RAUCOUS .. and you bet that his timing was purposeful!"
JIVE: "Strong words? All I heard was a baby crying for his mama’s milk. And Mama Cruise is nursing Problem Child."
GHEORGHE: "Payne exiting the ringside area and fans we ha…"
(SFX: CRACK~~!~!~!~! LOUD JEERS!)
GHEORGHE: "WHAT THE HELL?!?! THAT MAN … THE ONE FROM UNPLUGGED!! HE JUST TOOK OUT JASON PAYNE AT THE TOP OF THE RAMP WITH A CHAIR TO THE BACK OF THE SKULL!"
JIVE: "I guess he’s not that good at hiding, huh, Payne!"
(The crowd continues jeering as the man stands over Jason Payne’s body. He reaches down and flips him on his back.)
GHEORGHE: "Someone get security out here!! You can’t just go around attacking WFW:NE wrestlers!"
(The man stares down at Payne, who is now coughing.. he begins to unravel the scarf.)
JIVE: "WAIT A MINUTE!! He’s …"
(SFX: CROWD JEERS LOUDLY as the man is revealed!)
GHEORGHE: "OH MY GOD……………….. THAT’s "the WOLF" CHRIS McMILLAN!!!"
(Chris McMillan stands over Payne and drops the chair to his side. He begins to laugh softly at Payne’s situation.)
JIVE: "THAT's McMILLAN?!?!"
(The camera focuses in on McMillan. He looks to have taken a beating in the years he has been out of the spotlight. His hairline has slowly retreated, his arms look scrawny in comparison to Payne's, and his once fit torso is now plagued with man-boob syndrome.)
GHEORGHE: "The Wolf looking a bit ... disheveled, for sure... but why has he attacked Jason Payne? Those two men .. they used to be partners at one point in time!"
JIVE: "McMillan hasn’t been seen in a wrestling ring in years…."
GHEORGHE: "Chris McMillan used to wrestle in both WFW and New ERA … although he and Payne were never in New ERA at the same time … apparently he is back… and back with a vengeance!"
(McMillan reaches into his pocket and takes out a piece of paper. He tosses something small up in the air and catches it again.)
GHEORGHE: "What the hell is he doing now?!"
JIVE: "He’s bending down now and placing that paper on Payne’s chest….. wait… is that a tack?!"
GHEORGHE: "McMILLAN HAS A THUMBTACK AND HE IS TACKING THAT PAPER TO THE CHEST OF "the DOG OF WAR!"
(McMillan pushes the tack through the paper and into the chest of Payne. Satisfied, he stands up and nods in approval. He turns to leave, but before he does, he plants a boot right into Jason Payne’s gut! Payne grimaces and turns to his side. As he does the camera focuses in on the paper.)
GHEORGHE: "McMILLAN TACKED A FLYER FOR DESTRUCITY II ON PAYNE’s CHEST!!"
JIVE: "And now he’s leaving!"
GHEORGHE: "My LORD!! Jason Payne called his attacker from Unplugged out … and now we know who it was!! It was McMillan! And it looks like McMillan is going to give Payne the chance he wants to get revenge for his defeat at the hands of Problem Child!"
JIVE: "Problem Child? You mean his defeat at the hands of Chris McMillan!"
GHEORGHE: "Ladies and gentlemen … I can’t believe this! We have got to take a commercial break… and I hope, for his sake, that Chris McMillan gets a head start to Las Vegas … because Jason Payne is going to be a VERY unpleasant person when he realizes just who attacked him … TWICE now!"
JIVE: "This turned out even better than I could have ever possibly hoped!"
( continued... )