JACOBS: "After a long journey, tonight we finally find out who will be Cameron Cruise's tag team partner and one half of the WFW:NE World Tag Team champions."
MARX: "Jason Payne has been firing on all cylinders lately, but how in the world do you prepare for Problem Child? He is insane, he is outspoken, and he'll do absolutely anything to win."
"NOT" WATERS: "How sane is Payne though talking to Demons in the sky? Did Payne do a match with Jesus blood in his contest with King Krusher? I think it is just two different versions of insanity."
MARX: "Payne is on a roll though. He just beat Larry Tact. He made it to the final three in the Masquerade Ball."
"NOT" WATERS: "You can say the same thing for Problem Child. He beat a former World Heavyweight Champion too, his original mentor Alex Wylde and got to the final two for a shot at Shawn Hart's New ERA World Heavyweight Championship."
JACOBS: "Who knew it would ever be this hard to replace Joey Melton? I swear, we should have just paid for the extra alcohol he wanted and lured out of retirement to be Cruise's partner."
MARX: "Ever since we found out Melton wasn't coming back, we made plan after plan to search for a partner for Cruise, well, it has been six long months but that days is finally here. Predictions?"
"NOT" WATERS: "I love Problem Child, but I think Jason Payne is going to find a way to pull this off. Ever since losing the P©X championship, it has been like a fire has been lit under him and he has been inching his way towards the world heavyweight championship more and more. I think he finds a way to beat PC and it sickens me. How about you, Jonathan?"
MARX: "It is strange that you say that, even with all the logic behind Payne, I think Problem Child will be Cameron Cruise's new tag team partner and god help us all."
JACOBS: "FOLKS, LET’S SEND THIS ONE DOWN TO RINGSIDE AND GET THIS ONE UNDERWAY!"
(CUEUP: "Scentless Apprentice" by Nirvana. Problem Child walks down to the loud boos and catcalls the crowd. He flips the fans off and enters the ring.)
LINKS: "THIS MATCH IS FOR $50,000 AND ONE HALF OF THE WFW:NE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS AND THE RIGHT TO BE CAMERON CRUISE’s PARTNER! Introducing first... Hailing from Bronx, New York…. Standing six foot one and weighing 215 pounds…… PROBLEM CHILD!"
MARX: "Problem Child is building up more and more adoring fans by the week."
(CUEUP: "Dogs of War" by Pink Floyd. The pyro on the stage comes off as intense machine gun fire … and ends with an explosion of fireworks over the middle of the ramp. Payne steps through the curtain and smiles as he walks to the ring. The lineup comes on screen.)
LINKS: "He stands six foot four and weighs 275 pounds….. the former New ERA PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion …… "THE DOG OF WAR"….. JASON …. PAYNE!"
(SFX: Bell rings.)
JACOBS: "Jason Payne and Problem Child meet face to face in the ring. Problem Child mouths to Jason Payne "Spoiler Alert: I win." JASON PAYNE DELIVERS A RIGHT TO THE JAW THAT SENDS HIM DOWN TO ONE KNEE!"
MARX: "The time for games is over."
JACOBS: "Problem Child tries to get back up.... SPINNING HEEL KICK AND PROBLEM CHILD GOES DOWN AGAIN!"
"NOT" WATERS: "He may have knocked him out with that!"
JACOBS: "JASON PAYNE IS GOING FOR THE COVER! 1--------- 2------ PROBLEM CHILD KICKS OUT!"
"NOT" WATERS: "Jason Payne doesn't seem like he is wrestling, he seems like he is trying to knock him out."
JACOBS: "Jason Payne is waiting for Problem Child to get up... Problem Child is slowly getting up.... HE LOCKS HIM IN A SLEEPER HOLD!"
MARX: "It is really early to be going for this, but it will definitely wear him down."
"NOT" WATERS: "THIS ISN'T A SLEEPER, IT IS A CHOKE!"
MARX: "Calm down, Bobby."
"NOT" WATERS: "I'm serious. Look where the arm is..."
MARX: "Hmmm. Well maybe it is, but the ref has a better point of view than we do."
JACOBS: "THE REF IS CHECKING ON PROBLEM CHILD AND ASKING HIM IF HE WANTS TO GIVE UP, HE IS MOUTHING NO..."
"NOT" WATERS: "The ref needs to keep a closer eye on this."
MARX: "After everything Problem Child has done to him, he deserves some leeway."
JACOBS: "PROBLEM CHILD PUSHES BACKWARDS AND RAMS PAYNE BACK FIRST INTO THE CORNER! Payne is refusing to let go though.."
MARX: "Payne has a death grip on his head."
JACOBS: "PC MANAGES TO TAKE PAYNE DOWN WITH AN OVERHEAD TAKE DOWN TO BREAK THE SLEEPERHOLD!"
"NOT" WATERS: "That was the only way he was going to break out of that one."
JACOBS: "Payne gets up back up quickly and RIGHT BACK TOWARDS HIM.... HURRICANRANA BY PC! 1----------- 2------ KICKOUT!"
"NOT" WATERS: "Problem Child almost got him there!"
MARX: "Cameron Cruise's life was three second away from being a living hell."
JACOBS: "PC is the first one up... AND HE KICKS PAYNE IN THE BACK OF THE NECK!"
MARX: "That was rather stiff wasn't it."
JACOBS: "Payne is down; it looks like that kick did a number of him. PC is draping Payne's neck first out over the bottom rope... PC RUNS THE APRON AND HE HITS HIM WITH A GUILOTINE LEG DROP!"
MARX: "Payne is holding his throat. PC drove Payne's throat into the cable and he looks like he is feeling it."
"NOT" WATERS: "That also doesn't help the back of the neck either."
JACOBS: "PC pulls Payne away from the ropes... PC LOCKS ON THE CAMEL CLUTCH ON PAYNE!"
MARX: "This works over the neck, throat, and lower back and it buys PC some time to recharge his own batteries from the damage done to him earlier in the match."
"NOT" WATERS: "It is very strange, it is said that PC is unpredictable, but he seems to be the one who is wrestling more of a wrestling match instead of a fight."
MARX: "That was what Payne was expecting, it is almost like they reversed roles."
JACOBS: "PC is wrenching it and putting all the strength he has in the hold. It is almost like he wants to rip his head right off."
MARX: "Most of Payne's finishers revolve the neck and head."
"NOT" WATERS: "Problem Child is urging decorum."
JACOBS: "Payne is TRYING to extend his legs to the ropes but he is just falling a bit short!"
MARX: "This is a really tough move to get out of once you get put in it."
JACOBS: "NOW PAYNE IS TRYING TO KICK PROBLEM CHILD REPEATEDLY IN THE BACK WITH HIS HEEL TRYING TO GET HIM TO BREAK THE HOLD! Problem Child is trying TO HOLD ON.... HE FINALLYD DECIDES TO BREAK THE HOLD!"
MARX: "Very good thinking by Jason Payne there, this man has improved dramatically in the last couple of months when it comes to being more of a thinking man's wrestler."
JACOBS: "Problem Child picks Jason Payne and PROBLEM CHILD IS HEADING TOWARDS THE TOP ROPE... JASON PAYNE TURNS AROUND... PROBLEM CHILD HITS HIM WITH A LEAPING DDT OFF THE TOP ROPE!"
MARX: "Boy, he planted him with that DDT."
JACOBS: "THE REF GOES DOWN TO COUNT! 1------- 2------- JASON PAYNE GETS THE FOOT ON THE ROPES!"
"NOT" WATERS: "Jason Payne got very lucky right there he was so close to the ropes."
JACOBS: "A frustrated Problem Child pulls Payne's body by the hair to the center of the ring."
"NOT" WATERS: "It is shocking that more wrestlers aren't bald with how often hair is used."
JACOBS: "PC IS CALLING FOR THE A.D.D. SPINNING TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER TO THE MASSIVE BOOS FROM THE CROWD!"
"NOT" WATERS: "I don't understand it, how can you not love Problem Child?"
MARX: "Should I make a list?"
JACOBS: "PC picks Payne up but PAYNE IS SQUIRMING AND TRYING TO BREAK FREE!"
"NOT" WATERS: "He better be careful, PC would have no problem just dropping him on his head."
JACOBS: "PAYNE HEAD SCISSORS THE HEAD OF PROBLEM CHILD AND THEN HE GRABS THE LEG OF PROBLEM CHILD.... JASON PAYNE HAS TURNED IT INTO AN ANKLE LOCK ON PC!"
MARX: "Payne keeps on fighting and fighting, he is going to find a way to win this."
JACOBS: "THE REF IS CHECKING ON PROBLEM CHILD AND ASKING HIM IF HE WANTS TO TAP BUT PROBLEM CHILD IS SCREAMING NO!"
"NOT" WATERS: "Payne could break his ankle if he doesn't give up soon. There is only so much pressure an ankle can take."
JACOBS: "Problem Child is trying to get his way to the ropes... PROBLEM CHILD REACHES BUT HE JUST MISSES!"
MARX: "He was within inches of the ropes."
"NOT" WATERS: "Do it for Cameron, PC!"
JACOBS: "PC TRIES ONE LAST TIME.... HE GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE AND THE REFEREE IS STEPPING IN AND MAKING HIM BREAK THE HOLD!"
MARX: "Payne is reluctant, but he finally breaks the hold."
JACOBS: "PC tries to stand up and he is limping, the ref asks him if he wants to continue.... PAYNE FIRES IN WITH A LARIAT AT PC BUT PC MOVES THE REF IN THE WAY AND THE REF ACCIDENTLY GETS KNOCKED OUT!"
"NOT" WATERS: "Uh oh...."
JACOBS: "Payne is going after Problem Child and Problem Child bails out of the ring...."
MARX: "Things are about to get interesting..."
JACOBS: "PAYNE IS CHASING THE LIMPING PROBEM CHILD AROUND THE RING.... PROBLEM CHILD GRABS A CAMERA FROM A CAMERAMAN AND HE SWINGS IT RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF PAYNE BUSTING HIM OPEN!"
MARX: "That blood is pouring down the face of Jason Payne."
"NOT" WATERS: "This could be PC's chance."
JACOBS: "Problem Child grabs a steel chair from a ring attendant and he rolls Payne back into the ring! The ref is still down!"
MARX: "I think I know what is coming."
JACOBS: "Problem Child sets up the chair in the ring and he picks up Jason Payne off the mat.... PAYNE HITS PC WITH A SERIES OF FOREARMS SMASHES TO FACE!"
MARX: "COME ON PAYNE!"
JACOBS: "Payne hooks on the Cobra Clutch... HE PAYNE WITH THE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP ANESTHESIA AND GOES FOR THE COVER!"
"NOT" WATERS: "The ref is still down though!"
MARX: "If PC hasn't had moved the ref in the way, he'd be able to make a count."
JACOBS: "Jason Payne goes over the ref and he starts trying to wake him up but he appears to be out cold.... WAIT A SECOND, SOMEONE JUST JUMPED THE BARRIER AND HAS THROWN IN A CHAIN TO PROBLEM CHILD AND THEN HIDES UNDER THE RING!"
MARX: "WHO WAS THAT? I couldn’t catch the face."
"NOT" WATERS: "That’s because he had a scarf wrapped around it! This person just jumped the barrier … and now is gone!"
MARX: "Someone go under the ring and figure out who that was!"
JACOBS: "Whoever it was obviously doesn’t want Jason Payne to walk out of here $50,000 richer!"
"NOT" WATERS: "Payne has enemies? Who would have guessed!"
MARX: "Oh stop!"
JACOBS: "PC grabs the chain and he is wrapping it around his fist... Payne doesn't see him... Payne goes over to pick up Problem Child..... PROBLEM CHILD CONNECTS WITH RIGHT HAND WRAPPED IN THE CHAIN AND PAYNE IS KNOCKED OUT!"
"NOT" WATERS: "VICTORY!"
JACOBS: "Problem Child throws the chain out of the ring …. AND A HAND JUST REACHED OUT AND GRABBED IT, BRINGING IT UNDER THE RING! PROBLEM CHILD PICKS UP THE LIMP BODY OF PAYNE AND WITH THE CHAIR ALREADY SET UP..... THE BRONX F-BOMBER! THE RUNNING LIGER BOMB ONTO THE CHAIR!"
MARX: "That steel chair was utterly destroyed."
JACOBS: "Problem Child pushes the remnants of the chair out of the ring. THE REF IS STARTING TO STIR! PROBLEM CHILD GOES FOR THE COVER!"
MARX: "OH COME ON! NOT THIS WAY!"
"NOT" WATERS: "THANK YOU JESUS!"
JACOBS: "THE REF GOES DOWN TO COUNT! 1-------- 2------- 3!"
(SFX: Bell rings.)
LINKS: "THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, THE $50,000 AND ONE HALF OF THE WFW:NE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS.... PROBLEM CHILD!"
MARX: "Un f'n believable."
"NOT" WATERS: "I think you were the one who said that Problem Child was willing to do anything to win and tonight he proved it."
MARX: "Can you think of all the chaos Problem Child will cause for Cruise and the whole tag team scene? There is going to be no getting rid of him, is there?"
"NOT" WATERS: "I have a feeling he is here to stay."
MARX: "And who was that person that broke through the crowd?!"
JACOBS: "The guys in the back have wound back the tape … but even they can’t figure it out!"
"NOT" WATERS: "How much do you want to bet it was Cameron Cruise?!"
MARX: "Not even Cameron Cruise is that dumb to choose Problem Child as his partner."
"NOT" WATERS: "True that."
JACOBS: "I have no clue .. Problem Child slides out of the ring and looks underneath …"
(Camera cuts to the scene. Problem Child lifts the apron, but the underneath seems empty.)
MARX: "And it’s empty! Empty!"
JACOBS: "Folks, we have to take a commercial break, but when we comeback, IT IS TIME FOR THE CHRISTMAS LOT BRAWL! We’ll be sending you out into the cold where Natalie Newman and Dean Julius are standing by, keeping warm I hope, for all the action to determine who will face the WFW:NE Television champion at Destrucity II!"
(CUEUP: "What’s My Age Again?" by Blink-182. The crowd pops to their feet and begins to cheer loudly as Jack and Hoff step through the curtain. They have microphones in their hands as they look down at Problem Child.)
HOFF: "Now ain’t this a bitch."
JACK: "YEA! BITCH!"
HOFF: "You get to come out here, wrestle in a one on one match, and walk out with fifty grand AND as one half of the WFW:NE World Tag Team champions."
JACK: "YEA! BITCH!"
(Crowd pops. Hoff looks over at Jack who merely shrugs.)
HOFF: "So while we are busting our asses in the ring against the likes of Adam Benjamin and Chandler Maxwell …"
JACK: "YEA! ASS!"
HOFF: "Well, guess what, Child."
(Problem Child drops the apron and begins walking towards the rampway.)
HOFF: "Enjoy being one-half of the WFW:NE World Tag Team champions… for the shortwhile that you’ll be it…"
JACOBS: "What is he talking about?"
HOFF: "Because at Destrucity II … your illegitimate run as champion will come to an end."
(Problem Child makes his way to the ramp and starts walking towards the two men. The camera catches him mouthing "You want some?")
HOFF: "Jack and I … we’re going to take those championship belts … and place them where they belong. On a REAL tag team."
(The crowd pops!)
MARX: "I think Hoff just single handedly signed his team up for a World Tag Team championship match at the pay per view!"
"NOT" WATERS: "Well it’s not like we have any other teams to take on Cruise and Problem Child!"
HOFF: "Use that fifty-k to buff up your belt real nice … I want to make sure that it looks good when its strapped to my waist for the fans."
(Problem Child is halfway up the ramp when he raises his hands in a "bring it" motion. Jack steps behind Hoff and pushes him towards PC.)
JACOBS: "I think Jack is telling Hoff to go for it .. and Jack is backing his way up to the curtain."
HOFF: "Yea, we’ll bring it…"
(He points at the belt.)
HOFF: "And then we’ll take it."
(Hoff turns, and as he does Problem Child sucker punches him in the back of the head. Jack charges and flies into PC, causing both men to tumble down the rampway.)
MARX: "OH GOD! The battle is beginning!"
JACOBS: "The referees storming out from the back breaking up the men… we’ve got to take a quick commercial break!"