[ BJCC Arena ] Birmingham, Alabama
TAPED: Aug. 27, 2009
AIRED: Aug. 27, 2009
EPISODE: Unplugged from Birmingham
(The camera cuts to the outside of th BJCC Arena in Birmingham, Alabama! Time motion shots show the WFW:NE trucks pull into the parking lot. Unload. Exit. The sky goes from light to dark continuously. Finally the shot cuts to the screens outside ... "WFW:NE UNPLUGGED .... LIVE FROM BIRMINGHAM!")
(CUTTO: BRANDON JACOBS, JONATHAN MARX, and "NOT" WATERS are sitting at ringside, with a horde of passionate WFW:NE fans hanging over the barricade behind them trying to get noticed at the BJCC Arena, in Birmingham, Alabama. Several computer screens are on the table, all with the WFW:NE Twitter page on display.)
JACOBS: Welcome everyone to Birmingham, Alabama! Tonight is the debut of the first Unplugged and we have four big matches tonight..."
"NOT" WATERS: "That is more matches than teeth for this crowd..."
JACOBS: "And we will be taking your feedback before and after the matches via Twitter. Today is the day we've all been waiting for, tonight we will find out who the one and only New ERA World Heavyweight Champion really is when Larry Tact and Shawn Hart battle to unify the title belts!"
MARX: "This is two and a half years in the making and the winner of the match will most likely go on to face Felix Red when the WFW & New ERA World Heavyweight championships are unified in this New ERA of WFW. Being the longest reigning New ERA World Heavyweight Champion, I'm glad that this day has finally come and I couldn't be more proud that Shawn Hart and Larry Tact are the two men battling it out. Both of these men are tremendous performers and I've been in the ring with and witnessed the battles both have had. It is only a shame that one man has to lose, but even with the man who doesn't go on to the Unification match, I have no doubt in my mind they will one of the top men chasing the title."
JACOBS: "That match alone is worth the price of admission but tonight we have three other matches on the show. Our opening match will be a three way tornado tag between Psycho & Golem, GAMMA-O & Jared Wells, and Minion & Felix Red and we've just been informed from the head of the board of directors that at the next Almost Live, the winning team will face off against each other for a shot at Felix Red's World Heavyweight Title belt at the Freedom Hall Halloween themed Almost Live show live from Louisville, KY in a Spin The Wheel, Make a Deal Match with each man picking four stipulation matches..."
"NOT" WATERS: "So there is a chance that Felix Red may not even make it to the PPV as champion..."
MARX: "What happens if Felix Red's team wins? Does he have the night off?"
JACOBS: "If Felix's team wins, Felix gets to pick Minion's opponent in the number one contender match and gets to pick six of the eight stipulations for the Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal match at the next Almost Live where he defends the title."
MARX: "That stipulation is an old favorite of mine. I can't wait to see it. I don't we even got a chance to do that last go around in WFW."
"NOT" WATERS: "It is hard to prepare for a match where you don't even know what kind of match it will be going in."
JACOBS: "In the second and third matches on the show, we will be determining who the two baddest men on the planet are as both the BAD World Heavyweight championship is defended and the PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme title are both defended in the same night. Steve Johnson will make his first BAD World Heavyweight championship defense against the always interesting Peter File and Jason Payne will finally make his first P©X championship defense in WFW:NE history against a man whose career has been resurrected in King Krusher."
MARX: "Both of these matches could go either way, but I have to admit, I'm pulling for Krusher. Krusher competed alongside my father and you can't get anymore Prodigy Classic than Krusher.... that match is going to be an all out war and Krusher is going to do whatever it takes to come out on top for the fans."
"NOT" WATERS: "Don't rule Jason Payne out, he has caused a lot of controversy as of late, but he seems to have refocused himself on what is important, the PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme title."
JACOBS: "In the BAD World Heavyweight championship match, I just don't know how you prepare for Peter File. He really is quite an eccentric man and he likes to play head games with his opponents. Steve Johnson is going to have to be really focused in this match to pull off the victory."
MARX: "How can you not be creeped out by someone who crawls down to ringside? Peter File is quite freaky. But you know what? He is one hell of a wrestler too and Steve Johnson loses sight of that, he is going to lose that title as quickly as he won it."
JACOBS: "Before we start things off, let’s go to the Twitter Tracker for some of the sweetest tweets of the night..."
(Waters takes a swig of his Poland Spring Water and his eye starts twitching.)
MARX: "What is it Vic?"
"NOT" WATERS: "Twitter is just the latest flavor of the week in technology. Have you ever tried reading any of those? I don't need to know what people are doing every moment of their lives and I don't care how famous they are. Twitter is just one of those fads which I hope will hurry up and die."
MARX: "Well Vic, they are paying us quite a sum for their advertising here tonight..."
(Marx writes a number down, turns it over, and slides it to Vic. Vic turns it over and spits out his water.)
"NOT" WATERS: "God bless marks and their technology! I'll be able to get myself a Ferrari with that money. LETS GET TO THE TWEETS OF THE NIGHT BABY!"
JACOBS: "Our first tweet of the night comes from Ron Artest..."
@96TruwarierQB SHAWN HART IS THE ILLEST. GOOD LUCK WINNING THE TITLE DAWG!
"NOT" WATERS: "I didn't realize Shawn Hart was ill."
MARX: "I believe it is just the former tag team partner of Shawn Hart giving his well wishes."
JACOBS: "Larry Tact is getting some support too!"
@ccastagnoli has a feeling tonight is Tact's night! Good morning world! It's going to be a good day
"NOT" WATERS: "Good to see that Larry Tact has the indy geek support."
MARX: "Claudio is actually an excellent performer."
JACOBS: And we have one more sweet tweet before we go to commercial break and this one for Jason Payne..."
MARX: "Uh oh..."
@pchild the countdown is on JP
"NOT" WATERS: "That is sort of vague isn't it?"
JACOBS: "Maybe we'll find out what it means before the night is over. Folks, we are going to take a commercial break and be right back right after this!"
(CUTTO: In a studio that looks like its decor has been stolen from the set of Good Morning America circa 1988, FELICIA HART (packed complete with an exquisite Joan Lunden hairstyle) and her brother, LoC champion and NEW co-champ SHAWN JESSICA HART, sit facing each other. With SJH's body draped across a love-seat and Felicia shuffling through some notes, we are clearly about to experience and EPIC Q&A session. Without any set-up or introductions, Felicia launches right into her line of questioning.)
FELICIA: "SJH - in response to recent statements made by your opponent at Unplugged, one Laurie Tact, concerning your history, your match, and the respect he has for you.. you called into question his ability to take you out, as well as his legacy in the wrestling industry. Some have claimed that your assessment of the situation is both disrespectful and off-base. How do you respond to these allegations?"
(SJH initiates a long, ponderous pause before responding.)
HART: "Well Felicia, as far as anything HARRY CRACK or his mongoloid followers have said about me in the last week is concerned, I've got no comment whatsoever. I don't participate in the viewing and/or hearing of his interviews anymore. After the last one, I find that doing so promotes gaseous indigestion, noxious chest pains and bleeding ear syndrome within any and all unfortunate enough to find themselves exposed to such utter and complete and UTTER asininity. But if it's my opinion of Tact that you're lookin for..."
FELICIA: "Yes, yes... Go on!!"
(CLOSE ON: Hart's mug as he begins to bob and gyrate his head. CUE UP: a PHAT hip-hop beat.)
HART: "His name is LARRY - the magic midcard FAIRY.
Hangin' off my jock like a dingle-BERRY!
LAME -- YOOOOOOO, that's what he be.
Hopin' and wishin' he could be HOT like ME!
But he doesn't have the goods, doesn't have what it takes.
He'd be better off at Arby's mixing Choc-o-late SHAKES!
TACT -- HEY! That's what they call 'im.
In the Encyclopedia SUCK, he's in ev-e-ry volume!
Page after page, his WACKNESS won't quit-
I be layin' with STARS, he be layin' with MIDGETS!
I mean, don't get me wrong - short girls can be HOT...
But the dwarf-tang I get doesn't fester and ROT!
HA! Yooooooo!! That shizz was funny.
My rhymes are so clever, y'all should be givin' me MONEY!
Cuz it's the green - MAD SKRILLA - that I'm all about.
But my homeboy, Larry... ya know his ass is tapped OUT!
Because gettin yer ass kicked, well.. it really don't play.
LT's best ta pack up, best to be on his WAY!
Sure, we're the best of friends.. we be brothers in arms.
But he's got all the STANK -- I got all the CHARM!
I just got it down, I'm just genetically BETTER.
He's the Alice in Chains to my Eddie Vedder!
So when we're in the ring, and the match has HIT-
I'm gonna stretch him out and make him QUIT!
It's the main event, it's the HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE.
I'm gonna peel some CAPS, this ain't no dance recital!
Cuz when I'm in the ring, my style's a work of ART!
I'm the King Killer CAP PEELER, BIG SHAWN HART!"
(He folds his arms and glares into the camera.)
(The music fades and the camera pans out. Felicia nods in agreement, then looks in the camera herself.)
FELICIA: "Alright! That was the Prime Minister of Gettin' Sinister in the FLESH and, from the looks of it... he's ready to do battle!! I'm Felicia Hart... saying WATCH YOUR BACK, TACT!!"
HART: "Word life??"
( continued... )