JACOBS: "The following match is a tag team contest scheduled for ONE FALL!"
(CUE UP: "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls as New ERA Women’s Champion, KARLA STARR, and her gal pal, MERCEDES DEVON, appear atop the entryway to a mixed, but LOUD response!)
GHEORGHE: "Alright! As we get set for ladies tag team action here in our first match-up, it's my pleasure to introduce our guest commentator, Miss Felicia Hart!
JIVE: "¡Ay Chihuahua!"
HART: "You can say that again, mister."
JACOBS: "Introducing first … at a combined weight of 265 pounds … the team of MERCEDES DEVON and the New ERA of Wrestling Women’s Champion … KARLA STARR!"
(The crowd continues to rumble as Starr slips through the ropes and raises her title belt triumphantly into the air. On the apron, Devon flexes her bicep playfully, then blows a kiss to some fans at ringside.)
GHEORGHE: "These women have been going back and forth all week leading up to RAUCOUS tonight, but Felicia... who's got the goods to come out on top?"
HART: "Personally, I could beat all of them... and I'm a lot cuter too, buuuuut let's not shift the focus from the FINE athletes in the ring, eh?"
JIVE: "What a pro!"
HART: "Excuse me?!"
JIVE: "Er... no! What I meant to say was that you're a great wrestler! Ummm... a hooker like Lou Thesz!"
GHEORGHE: "I THINK what the man is trying to say is that he'd take a lateral press from you anytime."
HART: "OK, well... I don't really understand big words. Who do I look like, Albert Rammstein!?"
JACOBS: "And their opponents…"
("Angelwitch" by, well... Angelwitch hits the PA,and the team of FOXX and 'America's Sweetheart' KRIST BLUE step out from behind the curtain!)
JACOBS: "Weighing in at a combined weight of 250 pounds… the team of KRIST BLUE and FOXX!"
GHEORGHE: "Big response here for Foxx, who has her sights set on Starr and her strap, and the...
JIVE: "Peculiarly wonderful?"
GHEORGHE: "However you wanna put it, it's Krist Blue. Another fine example of what makes New ERA tops in the sport for women's wrestling."
HART: "As somebody who's spent time in the IWF and World's Finest Wrestling with my brother Shawn... the former WFW champ, as well as an IWF Eastern, Entertainment, and Tag Team champion, I've seen Krist strut her stuff a time or two and, as such... I think I can proclaim to the world, once and for all, that she is simply.... OK."
GHEORGHE: "Did you really just give us the litany of Shawn Hart title reigns?"
JIVE: "And how can say such a thing about Krist? She's a par-TAY girl!"
(Foxx climbs to the apron and is immediately charged by Karla Starr! Foxx alertly drops back to the ground. In the ring, Starr giggles as Foxx shakes her head in disgust.)
JIVE: "They call that gamesmanship, Gheorghe."
GHEORGHE: "Call it what you will, the brunt of the verbal back and forth was between these two, and I'm sure they're just itchin' to get into the ring with each other."
HART: "This is why Starr is the champ. She knows how to psyche yer mind! That and she slept with Marceau."
HART: "That's why I'm here, love."
(The bell sounds and action commences with Starr and Blue in the ring.)
GHEORGHE: "We're underway now and right off the bat, Starr takes Krist's head off with a clothesline!"
JIVE: "I don't think she even saw it coming. You can't space it like that right out of the gate!"
GHEORGHE: "Elbow dropby Starr as Blue is laid out on the canvas. Karla following it up now with a leg drop across the back of the neck! Krist Blue is in big trouble."
HART: "I think her engine is flooded. She just won't start up."
GHEORGHE: "She must be a Ford, but nonetheless... Karla Starr has Krist down and out, but look at this now. Instead of continuing the assault, she's... SHAKING HER BACKSIDE at Foxx?!"
HART: "That's actually kinda hot in a weird way."
GHEORGHE: "The champion continues to taunt the female phenom of New ERA as she sits in the corner, beckoning Foxx to come get some. Slowly but surely, Krist Blue is dragging herself to Foxx's outstretched hand and Starr is letting it happen! She wants a piece of Foxx and she wants it now!"
GHEORGHE: "Well, I guess I can't really disagree, but WAIT! There's the tag! Here comes Foxx like a locomotive at Starr, but STARR TAGS OUT! The referee wants a clean exchange and is pushing Foxx back to the center of the ring now as Mercedes Devon slips in for the first time and Karla Starr is loving it!"
HART: "She really is a crafty li'l devil. Yeah... I'd definitely go gay for her."
GHEORGHE: "A one-one-one match-up we'd all enjoy seeing for sure, but right now Mercedes Devon and Foxx are locking it up. Foxx and Devon going round-about here with their arms locked... ...and Foxx has Devon backed against the turnbuckle! The referee intervenes and splits the two apart to break the hold."
JIVE: "A Zebra Sandwich!"
GHEORGHE: "Mercedes Devon is still against the buckle and here's FOXX with a HARD knife-edge chop before she can get out!"
HART: "So that's how you tenderize breast meat?"
JIVE: "I'm a leg man myself."
GHEORGHE: "Hard left hook from Foxx to the ear of Devon... and another... and a third punch, this time a European uppercut from Foxx! Foxx looks out to the crowd, without a doubt... they're in her corner, and licks her hand a la Trish Stratus."
JIVE: "Look out below..."
GHEORGHE: "Foxx revs back with her freshly lubricated palm, but MERCEDES interjects with a boot to the gut!"
HART: "We're talking about girls here, you dolt! You can't call it a gut!"
GHEORGHE: "What am I supposed to say?"
HART: "Psssssshh, everybody knows it's a tummy wummy when women are involved!"
GHEORGHE: "...Alright. Mercedes Devon with a toe to the tummy wummy of Foxx, sending her back. Jab from Devon dropping her further back. Open-handed slap now and Foxx is in the ring ropes. Mercedes Devon with an Irish whip and there goes Foxx to the far-side ropes! Foxx slingshots back but before she can act, Devon drops her with a spinning back kick!"
JIVE: "Nice lookin' move from a nice lookin' lady."
GHEORGHE: "Devon backs into the ropes, then bounces forward for a good running start. She takes to the air for a LEG DROP, but Foxx rolls out of the way! Mercedes Devon lands flat on her backside."
JIVE: "There you go yammering about backsides again. Can't you even see that we've got world class athletes in the ring?"
GHEORGHE: "Mercedes Devon is NOT happy and, as such, quickly hops to her feet and goes for the Senton back splash on the still reeling Foxx, but MISSES as Foxx rolls the opposite way once again! Foxx showing some real wherewithal here. Now it's Devon on the mat as Foxx staggers to her feet and slowly moves toward her teammate Krist Blue. Foxx is within a hand's length now, but Devon grabs onto her boot -stopping her in her tracks! Foxx is desperately trying to get that extra inch to her partner, but Devon will not relent! Mercedes Devon is dragging herself up by Foxx's calf, but FOXX finally sets in with a boot to the face, breaking the hold, and lunging forth for the TAG TO KRIST BLUE!"
HART: "Easy there, Gheorghie! Catch your breath!"
GHEORGHE: "Here comes Blue, fully rested and ready to rock and roll, but there's KARLA STARR shooting across the apron and catching her with another big clothesline!"
HART: "What did I tell you... HOT!! I could still kick her big ol' booty though."
GHEORGHE: "The referee is admonishing Starr and forcing her back to the corner, but look at Devon! She's up and at 'em once again and literally choking the life out of Blue's body while the ref's back is turned!
JIVE: "This girl is REALLY not having the best time out there today."
GHEORGHE: "The official finally turns back to the action in the ring, just in time to catch Devon clutching Krist by the hair, yanking her up off the mat, and DROPPING her all the way back down as she releases the pig tails of America's Sweetheart! The ref tries to get a word of warning in with Mercedes, but before he can, she's got Krist propped up to a standing position. Devon with the whip, but Krist reverses! Finally some offense from Krist Blue! Devon shoots to the ropes, then back to Krist and tries a lariat, but Krist ducks it! Krist rushing back to her corner and THERE'S ANOTHER TAG! Foxx quickly hops into the ring, juuuust in time to catch Devon with a NASTY dropkick to the face as she bounces back from the ropes!
JIVE: "Sweet dropkick by Foxx, but an even sweeter move by the seemingly useless Krist Blue to make the tag before things went south again."
GHEORGHE: "Foxx wastes no time in hitting the mat and hooking a leg for the first pinfall attempt of the match! Starr hops through the ropes and charges at Foxx to break the cover, but THERE'S KRIST WITH A PLANCHA FROM THE TOP!! The champ has been planted dead in her tracks and the referee hits the canvas for the count!! ONE!! TWO.............. THREE!!!!!!!!
(SFX: Bell rings three times.)
GHEORGHE: "And as ferociously as the match begun, it's come to its conclusion on the first cover of the contest!"
JACOBS: "Here are your wiiiiiiiiiners.... KRIST BLUE aaaaaaaand FOXX!!"
HART: "My home-girl Krist Blue had a rough go of it, but she made the right moves at the right time to put her partner Foxx in a good position to win the bout! Boo-yah, gramma!"
GHEORGHE: "Hold the phones! No celebration here as Foxx wastes no time in CHARGING at Karla Starr, who ducked her earlier in the match! Foxx LEAPS out at the ladies champ... buuut catches only ropes as Devon yanks Starr out through the ropes by her ankle!"
JIVE: "Good win for Foxx and Krist Blue, but it's plain to see that Foxx wanted Karla Starr in the worst way."
(As Starr and Devon recoil and retreat up the ramp, clutching on to one another for support, Foxx angrily shouts out to Starr.)
HART: "Looks like things are getting interesting in this place... mebbe I'll make another go of it. Heh, thanks alot boys."
GHEORGHE: "And thank you, Felicia Hart, for being as guileless as ever. Foxx and Blue get the nod here, but if you think this is the last New ERA Women’s champion Karla Starr has seen the last of Foxx, I'd say you're mistaken. We'll be right back."