[ Human Resource Center @ UofNO ] New Orleans, Louisiana



PRESENTS ....

(CUTTO:  The huge crowd popping in the New Orleans night.)

JACOBS: "We are back and it is time for the main event. This is going to be a wild one on Bourbon Street tonight."

MARX: "Any three of these men could win this match and I wouldn't be surprised. Wells is one of the greatest champions in the history of WFW but he has yet to win the big one. Felix Red is the former protégé of Michael Manson and the current WFW World Heavyweight champion... And Psycho is the only person to have ever held the WFW World Heavyweight championship, the BAD World Heavyweight championship, and the WFW North American championship … and with the WFW North American championship, it is a feat that will never be duplicated."

"NOT" WATERS: "This L.O.V.E. Civil War may shake the fed to its foundation knowing these three. They take pride in what they do and they want to be seen as the best of the best."

JACOBS: "The fans here on Bourbon Street are going to be able to see all the action. There are screens all over the place so no matter where the action goes, everyone will be able to witness everything. We even bused all the fans from the Lakefront Arena here so they could witness everything live and in person. I'm a bit giddy. All three men are already in the street and there is no ring. There will be no intros. This will be a pure fight and a damn good one, let’s get this match started!"

(Jared Wells, Psycho, and Felix Red are eagerly awaiting for things to begin in the street. Dixieland Bands, street vendors, spectators with beer and beads line the barricades. It is night and the lanterns and spotlights are all set on the street.  The lineup comes on screen.)

LINKS: "THIS MATCH IS ONE FALL AND IS FOR THE WFW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP AND WILL BE CONDUCTED UNDER FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE ON BOURBON STREET RULES! The winner of the match will be the first man to get a pinfall. Good luck and god bless!"

(Jonathan Marx walks over with his hammer and hits the ring bell.)

JACOBS: "THIS ONE IS OFFICIALLY UNDER WAY!"

MARX: "I have to admit, I have goosebumps for this one."

JACOBS: "WELLS CHARGES FELIX RED AND STARTS WAILING ON HIM WITH PUNCHES DRIVING HIM BACK TOWARDS THE DIXIE LAND BAND!"

"NOT" WATERS: "You can tell that Jared Wells wants this one in his bones."

JACOBS: "PSYCHO COMES FROM BEHIND AND GRABS WELLS BY THE HAIR AND THROWS HIM HEAD FIRST INTO A DRUM!"

MARX: "Psycho had talked about how he was never granted his rematch from that match against Doc Silver. He wants to have his chance tonight to reclaim what once was his."

JACOBS: "Psycho pulls the drum down and Wells' arms are pinned against his side! Felix Red goes over and he grabs a beer bottle from a fan and goes to swing it at Wells... WELLS KICKS FELIX RED MIDSWING IN THE MIDSECTION AND FELIX LOSES HIS GRIP ON THE BOTTLE AND IT SHATTERS AS IT FLIES OUT OF HIS HAND!"

"NOT" WATERS: "He could have busted him open something bad tonight and King Krusher already used up all the stitches in the budget."

MARX: "Worse comes to worse, we can break out the Krazy Glue."

JACOBS: "PSYCHO COMES FROM BEHIND ON FELIX RED AND HE BULLDOGS HIM RIGHT INTO THE GLASS FACE FIRST!"

MARX: "OWW!"

JACOBS: "The ref is going down to make the count! 1------- 2----- WELLS WITH THE DRUM ON HIM DROPS THE METAL PART OF THE SHELL RIGHT ON THE BACK OF THE HEAD OF PSYCHO!"

"NOT" WATERS: "There is absolutely no way that drum can ever be repaired."

JACOBS: "Wells is taking the drum off his body and HE STARTS REPEATEDLY RAMMING THE METAL OUT SHELL AROUND IT RIGHT INTO THE HEAD OF PSYCHO!"

MARX: "It is ass kicking time!"

JACOBS: "Jared Wells grabs Psycho and Felix Red by the head and leads them both into a bar!"

"NOT" WATERS: "This isn't time to be drinking Wells!"

MARX: "I think he has other plans."

JACOBS: "Jared Wells puts both Psycho and Felix Red back first on top of the bar..."

MARX: "I have no idea what he is doing here...."

JACOBS: "Jared Wells is going up the stairs and he goes midway up when he sees the low hanging chandelier.... WELLS GRABS THE CHANDELIER AND SWINGS AND HE DROPS A DOUBLE LEGDROP ONTO BOTH PSYCHO AND FELIX RED AND WHAT REMAINS OF THE CHANDELIER CRASHES DOWN ON THE GROUND INTO A MILLION PIECES!"

MARX: "OH MY GOD!"

"NOT" WATERS: "Those chandeliers aren't meant to hold people. He could have killed himself there."

MARX: "That is something out of the Douglas Fairbanks playbook."

JACOBS: "Wells slides Felix Red off of the bar and he sets him on the floor... HE IS CALLING FOR THE RAGE BOMB!"

MARX: "With all that glass on the floor, this is extremely dangerous even more than usual."

JACOBS: "Jared Wells picks up Felix Red off the ground... FELIX RED TAKED JARED WELLS DOWN WITH A HEAD SCISSOR AND JARED WELLS GOES BACK FIRST INTO THE SHATTERED GLASS!"

MARX: "He is going to be seriously marked up for a week."

JACOBS: "JARED WELLS IS TRYING TO STAND THOUGH.... Felix Red however is waiting for him... FELIX RED HITS HIM WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK AND JARED GOES UP AND OVER A TABLE ONTO THE FLOOR!"

"NOT" WATERS: "Felix Red still has the fastest feet I have ever seen in my life."

MARX: "Thank god these guys had so much time off, the body can't take this on a regular basis."

JACOBS: "Felix Red grabs a chair and he takes the edge of the top of the chair and shoves it against Jared Wells’ throat! He is trying cut off the air supply to his head."

"NOT" WATERS: "If the booze hasn't done the damage yet, nothing will.."

JACOBS: "Psycho is finally getting up off of the bar, apparently having taken the worst of that leg drop. PSYCHO SAVES WELLS AND ATTACKS FELIX RED FROM BEHIND AND HE FALLS TO THE FLOOR!"

MARX: "You have to remember, this is one fall to a finish, if Wells gives up, Psycho might have to wait as long as he did last time to get another title shot."

JACOBS: "Felix Red is getting back up.... PSYCHO KICKS HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A YAZUKA KICK! Psycho pushes over a table and he going down for a cover on Felix Red! 1---- 2-------- FELIX RED MANAGED TO GET THE SHOULDER UP!"

MARX: "You have to be impressed by the never say die attitude of Felix Red. He goes out there and gives it his all which is why he has that title around his waist."

JACOBS: "Psycho grabs Felix Red by the head and he dragging him out of the bar into the street... Jared Wells is finally getting back up, but he certainly looks worse for wear and is following behind them out into the street."

MARX: "How much damage do you think we did in that bar?"

"NOT" WATERS: "We better hope our investors have some serious moolah by the time this fight is over."

JACOBS: "Psycho has Felix Red in the middle of the street... HE IS CALLING FOR THE TIGER DRIVER RIGHT INTO THE STREET!"

MARX: "That could kill a man in a ring, let alone in the middle of the street."

"NOT" WATERS: "It isn't like Felix Red hasn't done it before."

JACOBS: "WELLS SNEAKS UP ON PSYCHO, HE GRABS A SIX OR SEVEN STRANDS OF BEEDS FROM A SPECTATOR AND COMES UP FROM BEHIND ON PSYCHO AND STARTS CHOKING HIM FROM BEHIND!"

"NOT" WATERS: "These three men are three of the toughest men on earth. They have to wear each other down if anyone is ever going to manage to get a pinfall which won't be broken up."

JACOBS: "Felix Red escapes from Psycho's grasp and heads towards a lamp post where he sits to regain his strength. Felix Red takes a beer from a spectator and begins to drink as he watches Psycho and Wells go at it."

MARX: "Felix Red needs this time to recover and think of way to win this match."

JACOBS: "Wells finally lets go of the choke and Psycho is on his knees, trying to regain his breath. WELLS KICKS HIM RIGHT IN THE SIDE WITH A VICIOUS KICK! Wells picks him up off the ground... HE IS SETTING HIM UP FOR A JUMPING PILEDRIVER... HE HITS IT!"

MARX: "I'm damn sure I just heard Psycho's head go thud."

JACOBS: "A tired Felix Red grabs a bunch of beer bottles from spectators... WELLS IS GOING FOR THE COVER ON PSYCHO! The ref goes down to count! 1---- FELIX RED STARTS HURLING THE BEER BOTTLES AT THE REFEREE AND THE REFEREE GETS UP TO DODGE THE ATTACK!"

"NOT" WATERS: "God damn, that is the first time I ever saw that happen."

MARX: "This match has no rules except whoever gets the pinfall goes home the WFW World Heavyweight champion."

JACOBS: "JARED WELLS GETS UP ANGRY BUT FELIX RED IS STILL HURLING BOTTLES AT HIM! Wells ducks behind a street vendors cart... THEN HE STARTS MOVING IT TOWARD FELIX RED! WELLS THEN STARTS GOING FULL BLAST TOWARDS FELIX RED AND FELIX RED DROPS HIS BOTTLES AND TRIES TO GET FURTHER DOWN THE STREET.... WELLS PUSHES THE CART AND IT GOES BACK FIRST INTO FELIX RED AND ALL THE HOT DOGS TUMBLE OVER ONTO FELIX RED! The cart lands on top of Felix Red's leg and he is having trouble getting from under it!"

"NOT" WATERS: "Wells had the pin on Psycho before Felix Red interfered.... this is just desserts."

JACOBS: "WAIT A SECOND, PSYCHO ONE OF THE BOTTLES THAT FELIX RED THREW THAT DIDN'T BREAK! Wells turns around and he goes to pick up Psycho off the ground... Wells goes to pick up Psycho by the mask... PSYCHO BREAKS THE BEER BOTTLED OVER JARED WELLS HEAD AND WELLS IS BUSTED OPEN!"

MARX: "Wells didn't see that one coming."

JACOBS: "Felix Red appears to have wiggled his leg free or is close to it from under that cart... PSYCHO NOW IS PICKING UP JARED WELLS AGAIN AND IS CALLING FOR THE PSYCHO DRIVER (TIGER DRIVER) AND HE DRIVES JARED WELLS HEAD FIRST INTO THE STREET! Wells is out cold! Psycho is still too weak to cover though and he is crawling over towards Wells..."

MARX: "Psycho could win the WFW World Heavyweight championship for a second time here, he just has to make the cover!"

JACOBS: "FELIX RED COMES LIMPING OVER TO PSYCHO AND HE HIM UP OFF THE GROUND... ECSTASY TO AGONY RIGHT ON THE CONCRETE! Now Felix Red is grabbing the heavy guardrail keep the fans back AND HE TOPPLES IT ON TOP OF PSYCHO!"

"NOT" WATERS: "There is no way Psycho is going to be able to get from under that!"

JACOBS: "FELIX RED IS GOING FOR THE COVER ON JARED WELLS! The ref goes down to count! 1----- PSYCHO IS TRYING TO PUSH THE GUARDRAIL OFF TO TRY TO MAKE THE SAVE BUT HE CAN'T GET FROM UNDERNEATH IT 2------ 3!"

LINKS: "THE WINNER OF THE MATCH AND STILL WFW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... FELIX RED!"

MARX: "I can't believe it. Somehow he managed to pull this one out by the skin of his teeth. Jared Wells will have his day though."

JACOBS: "All three men had this match won at various times, but they kept finding ways to stop each other."

"NOT" WATERS: "This was Psycho's first rematch since losing to Doc and he still didn't get beat by the champion!"

JACOBS: "How about Wells getting screwed over by Felix Red throwing those bottled? He could have had Psycho and finally become the WFW World Heavyweight champion. He'll have another shot though and so will Psycho."

MARX: "Felix Red is not going to be able to get much sleep with these two men coming after his title. They both showed they were willing to do anything to win."

JACOBS: "Well folks, it has been a great evening, and we're glad to be back and now it is time to put this one in the...."

(All the street and shoplights go dark except for the video screen all over the street and on the screen is the letter "L.")

MARX: "What the hell is going...."

(Marx taps his mic but they appear to have been shut off.  CUEUP: "All About the Pentiums" by Weird Al begins to play and on the screens the following begins to play.)

(The scene on the screens show a disgusting basement, where none other than Harold A. Lumbourgh, aka HAL, sits, wearing a "For the Horde!" World of Warcraft t-shirt.  He's wearing his thick glasses and his hair doesn't seem to have been washed for weeks.)

HAL:  "All your wrestling are belong to us."

(He smirks.)

HAL:  "I have come... to invade your systems... to penetrate your measly firewalls... to disable your antivirus... and render your systems obsolete."

"I am the future of this league.  You are mere 486's attempting to mess with my Intel Core2 Extreme QX9775 3.2GHz of screaming, pulsating power.

"And as you vlog your emo rants to YouTube and take pictures of your cats doing funny things, I am the one controlling the strings.  I am the one coming in on Port 3389, which you conveniently left open because your executives can't be bothered to VPN before they establish a remote desktop session.

"Let this be a warning to one and all.

"HAL has come, and all of your intertubes are now under my control.  ALL OF THEM."

(He starts cackling and the screen FADESTOBLACK.)

( the end )