LINKS: "The following match is scheduled for one fall … and is for the New ERA of Wrestling TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first…"
(CUEUP: "Holy Mountain" by Sleep.)
LINKS: "He hails from Indianapolis, Indiana… standing five foot ten .. weighing 218 pounds…. "the DRUID" …. ERIK …. BLACK!"
(SFX: Bubbling water... followed by obnoxious coughing!
On the big screen, the image of a glowing orange sun rises over the crest of a mountain as titanic clouds sail through the sky. As the riffs continue, the colors distort and dance, giving a psychedelic effect that leaves many fans in a trance-like state.)
JIVE: "Thank god I’m not epileptic."
(SFX: Pyros FLASH over the stage!
As the lyrics come in, Black steps out onto the stage, wearing the robe of the weed priest and holding his instrument high over his head for the cheering fans to see!)
GHEORGHE: "Erik Black … the fans love him … although I question their reasons why…"
JULIUS: "As if you don’t know…"
(Black enters the ring, and pops up to a turnbuckle just as the bass and drums drop out of the music to allow the guitar to lead in the chorus riff... meanwhile, the Dopesmoker lights the water pipe -- which we can only assume is filled with a tobacco product of some kind -- and draws in a long breath. Just as the song comes full ensemble, he sets free a holy dove of thick, white smoke into the air as he pops into his "horizon-gazing" pose yet again! The cloud sails over the heads of the audience and eventually dissipates.)
JIVE: "Soak in the Druid!! HURRY!! BEFORE IT DISAPPEARS!!"
LINKS: "And his opponent….. hailing from Jacksonville, North Carolina…"
(CUEUP: "Killing in the Name Of" by Rage Against the Machine. Cameron Cruise steps through the curtain holding the Television championship high in the air as the fans begin to cheer wildly.)
LINKS: "He stands six foot four and weighs 264 pounds…… and is the CURRENT New ERA of Wrestling Television champion …….. CAMERON …….. CRUISE!!!"
(Cruise walks to the ring and hops inside … he holds the championship up in the air with two hands as the fans give him a standing ovation.)
JULIUS: "Apparently the fans in the arena having been smoking the same shit as Black… there’s no other way to explain why they are acting this way…"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise hands the belt to the referee …. And there’s the bell!"
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: "This match has begun … and Cruise and Black circling each other in the center of the ring … Black comes forward and they lock up!"
JULIUS: "This is Cruise’s second match of the day … both here at Destrucity II! I don’t know how much strength he has left in him … especially considering he has one more match to go before the evening is over."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise on the New ERA squad for the War Games main event at Sin City Showdown …. But he’s a hell of a competitor!"
JIVE: "Can he make it three losses in one night?!"
JIVE: "It would have to be some sort of record!"
GHEORGHE: "Black and Cruise struggling to gain the advantage … but Cruise gets the upperhand! Cameron Cruise tossing Black to the mat … Black quick to his feet .. and right into a flurry of right hands from the Television champion!"
JIVE: "The Druid has taken more hits tonight than Tiger Woods on the late night shows!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise spins Black around .. and pushes him into the ropes! Black bounces back and gets a stiff shot into the kidney! Black in pain, but Cruise isn’t letting up! Cameron Cruise hooks Black and takes him up and over with a suplex!"
JULIUS: "Black a little delayed early in this match … maybe smoking a small village wasn’t a good idea."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise with Black up … and tosses him into the corner! Black hitting hard .. and stumbles out … AND CRUISE WITH THE RUNNING CLOTHESLINE FLOORS THE CHALLENGER!"
JIVE: "Cameron Cruise is on a roll .."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise catching Black .. and he hoists him …. Back suplex blocked though! Black reverses… and hits Cruise w/ an atomic drop!"
JULIUS: "That’s going to leave a mark."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise scooped up … and the Druid nails a backbreaker!"
JIVE: "Black hitting a stride … if he can keep this up Cameron Cruise will be the FORMER Television champion."
GHEORGHE: "Black pulling Cruise up … but Cruise reaching up and chops Black right in the throat!"
JULIUS: "Black’s lungs are already charred … there’s no need to cut off ALL his oxygen supply!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise pulls Black in and NAILS the DDT! ONE ………….. TWO ………. KICKOUT!"
JIVE: "Black ain’t going down that fast, Cruise .. you’re not that lucky, buddy."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise ripping the Druid off the mat and throws him into the corner… BUT BLACK REVERSES AND CRUISE GOES CRASHING BACK FIRST! Black charges … but Cruise with the boot! Erik Black runs directly into Cameron Cruise’s boot … and now he’s trying to get away… Cruise walks out and spins Black around … and nails the neckbreaker!"
JULIUS: "If this match continues like this … I can tell you right now we’re going to be in for a see-saw match…"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise grabs the head of Erik Black … pulls him up … and hits with him a knee to the gut! Cameron Cruise against the near ropes … AND NAILS THE SCISSOR KICK! Erik Black on the mat …. And Cruise drops the leg across the back of the neck! The Television champion flipping Black over ….. ONE …………. TWO …………… but the Druid gets the shoulder up!"
JIVE: "The fans split between these two men … Cruise has the fans on his side … but Erik Black is that dopey half-retarded spawn that you just have to love… no matter how much drool or spit comes from his mouth."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise on his feet … drives the heel of the boot into the arms of Black … but Erik Black uses his free hand to grab the leg out from underneath Cruise! Erik Black trying to get to his feet before the Television champion … but they make it up at the same time!"
JULIUS: "Cruise was able to outlast John Doe in a battle on RAUCOUS … Erik Black getting his turn here at Destrucity II … and Cruise is ripe for the picking!"
JIVE: "John Who?"
GHEORGHE: "Both men meet in the middle of the ring …. They lock up, but Cruise quickly applying a headlock! Erik Black slipping out of it! Cruise turns … and Black puts the boot in the midsection!"
JULIUS: "Cruise catches his foot! Cameron Cruise with a huge smile on his face and wags his finger at Black…"
GHEORGHE: "BUT BLACK WITH THE ENZIGUIRI!!! Cameron Cruise to the mat … and Erik Black placing his feet behind the kneecaps …. Black grabs the arms …. AND LEANS BACK! ….. CRUISE STUCK IN A SURFBOARD!"
JULIUS: "The surfboard is making a comeback apparently!"
JIVE: "It’s a fun hold … especially in those oiled women’s matches……. Oh yea…"
GHEORGHE: "Black extending Cruise all the way ….. and the referee asking Cruise if he wants to submit … but Cruise shakes his head no!"
JULIUS: "One thing Black has to watch out for is his shoulders … he needs to make sure he can keep them up … or else he’ll be counted!"
GHEORGHE: "ERIK BLACK LOSING HIS BALANCE …."
JIVE: "I don’t think he is, Gheorghe!"
GHEORGHE: "What is he doing?! Black … he’s pushing Cruise backwards over his head …. MY GOD!! ERIK BLACK TURNING THAT SURFBOARD INTO A DRAGON SLEEPER!!!! I have NEVER seen this before in New ERA!"
JULIUS: "Black has it locked on!!! Cameron Cruise being extended…. His legs still stuck in the surfboard maneuver … but Black locking the arms around the neck for the dragon sleeper! Absolutely incredible!"
GHEORGHE: "The Television champion is stuck … he is hanging upside down … locked in this surfboard and dragon sleeper like hold by Erik Black …."
JIVE: "Cruise has to be in incredible pain right now … after taking that chair shot earlier …. He is already in less than perfect condition heading into this match …."
JULIUS: "I have to hand it to Black… you know he came up with that hold during one of his hallucinations!"
GHEORGHE: "The referee checking on Cruise …. But Cruise still saying no!"
JIVE: "This is perfect … the surfboard is keeping enough pain shooting through Cruise so that he doesn’t exactly pass out right away.. Cruise is exerting a lot of his own energy trying to figure out a way to break the hold!"
GHEORGHE: "AND BLACK FINALLY RELEASING THE HOLD!"
JULIUS: "The damage has been done … and as much as I’d like Black to have kept Cruise in that hold until he damn well passed out, keeping Cruise’s body weight propped up would have eventually become too much for him."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise on the mat … Erik Black getting to his feet … and he drops an elbow into the chest! Black up again …. And drops another elbow into the chest!"
JIVE: "Black sticking it to the Television champion."
GHEORGHE: "AND BLACK DROPS THE ELBOW A THIRD TIME!! He covers …. ONE ......... TWO ..……. THREE!"
JIVE: "Cruise got the shoulder up!"
GHEORGHE: "Indeed, he did! Black not wasting any time bringing Cruise up to his feet … and he tosses him into the corner!"
JULIUS: "If Cruise can’t get some momentum back, Erik Black is going to wipe the floor with him!"
GHEORGHE: "Erik Black grabbing the Television champion’s head … and he lifts him up and puts him on the top rope!"
JIVE: "Who knew that if you smoke enough pot you become the Television champion!"
GHEORGHE: "Erik Black climbing the ropes with Cruise …. Hooks the waist…… BUT CRUISE BLOCKS THE SUPERPLEX!"
JULIUS: "Black is wide open now!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise blocks a second attempt ….. and the Television champion shoves Black off the top!"
JIVE: "But the Druid landed on his feet!"
JULIUS: "And he’s heading right back to Cruise!"
GHEORGHE: "Black back up top … and I don’t think Cruise was expecting him!"
JULIUS: "There’s no blocking this now! Cruise was caught with his proverbial pants down."
GHEORGHE: "ERIK BLACK ………….. MY GOD!"
(SFX: FANS POP!)
GHEORGHE: "THE BUZZKILLER FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! BLACK HIT THE FACEBUSTER DDT FROM THE TOP!!!!"
JULIUS: "I think Cruise just left some of his teeth in the mat!"
GHEORGHE: "Black makes the cover ….. ONE ……………….. TWO …………… THREE!! WE HAVE A NEW TELEVISION CHAMPION!"
JIVE: "Cruise got his foot on the ropes!! The referee pulling Black’s hands out of the air and telling him this match is continuing!"
GHEORGHE: "That was pure adrenaline by Cruise to get his foot draped … and Erik Black heading RIGHT back to Cruise!"
JULIUS: "Cameron Cruise has taken more shots to the head tonight than any man should … he’s walked into this match as Television champion … but he’s going to walk out John Doe!"
JIVE: "John Who?"
GHEORGHE: "Black bringing Cruise to his feet … irish whip sends Cruise to the ropes …. But Cruise ducks underneath the clothesline! Cruise against the opposite ropes …. And Black frog hops over him! Cruise now against the ropes again …"
JIVE: "I think all this has confused Black!! He is facing the wrong way!"
GHEORGHE: "CRUISE COMES BACK AND RUNS STRAIGHT INTO ERIK BLACK!"
JULIUS: "Erik Black just went flying over the top rope! The momentum catapulted him! Cameron Cruise flops to the mat…. And the referee starts his count!"
GHEORGHE: "The fans are being treated to an incredible display between these two men …. This is why New ERA is today’s best wrestling .. those two men in the ring tonight .. all of the matches we’ve seen thus far …. New ERA Destrucity II …. What a way to start off 2010!"
JIVE: "Erik Black getting to his feet … he’s shaking out the cobwebs and slides into the ring before the referee finishes the ten count!"
JULIUS: "Black over to the Television champion and makes the cover! ONE …………. TWO ……….."
(SFX: FANS POP HUGE!)
JIVE: "Where does he get the fight from?! Cruise with the kickout and the match will continue!"
GHEORGHE: "Black slow to his feet …. He pulls Cruise up … and they head to the corner! Black locks the Television champion’s head … and now BLACK is going up top!"
JULIUS: "Spinning DDT coming up!"
GHEORGHE: "Black straddling the top rope ….. BUT CRUISE!! CRUISE USES HIS FREE HAND AND SHAKES THE ROPE AND BLACK CRASHES DOWN ON THE TURNBUCKLE!"
JIVE: "If the maryjane didn’t kill any chance that Black will procreate, that sure as hell helped."
JULIUS: "Black showing his "O" face …. But not in the good way…"
GHEORGHE: "CAMERON CRUISE …. He grabs Black …. Places his hands …. AND SENDS BLACK FLYING THROUGH THE AIR TO THE MAT!"
JIVE: "Black hit the mat … and now he’s clutching his back and his crotch!"
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise resting in the corner … he’s been through hell tonight …"
JULIUS: "He’s doing all he can to retain at least ONE of his championships tonight .."
GHEORGHE: "Well there is no Problem Child to screw this up for him!"
JIVE: "Are you sure, Gheorghe?"
GHEORGHE: "Wait .. what is that supposed to mean!? Do you know something I don’t?!"
JIVE: "I’m just saying … if Problem Child really wanted to screw Cruise .. why not cost him this championship, too!"
JULIUS: "Somehow I think Problem Child did what he came here to do … and I’m sure he’s already long gone by now."
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise comes out of the corner … and drops the knee right into the head of Black! The Television champion … he’s heading to the Druid’s feet …. And Cruise …. CAMERON CRUISE GOING FOR THE CRUISE CONTROL!!!"
JIVE: "If Cruise can lock this on .. the night is over for Black!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise reaching forward …. AND HE LOCKS THE HEAD …… AND THERE IT IS!!! CRUISE CONTROL!!!"
(SFX: Crowd pops HUGE!)
GHEORGHE: "This is it! Cruise is only seconds away from retaining his Television championship!"
JULIUS: "Black put up quite the fight … but in the end, his dreams of gold … went up in smoke."
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise .. all the stuff he’s gone through today … he’s going to head into Sin City Showdown as the Television champion!"
JIVE: "Well that’s if Black submits! He hasn’t so far!"
GHEORGHE: "Black trying to hold on …. But how long can he?!"
JULIUS: "The Cruise Control isn’t a move that you can just waltz out of… Black is going to have to pull a miracle out of his ass!"
GHEORGHE: "The referee asking Black … but Black … look at him!"
JIVE: "If he grits his teeth any harder he’s going to break them!"
GHEORGHE: "BLACK!! HE’s EXTENDING HIS ARM OUT!"
JULIUS: "He can’t reach the ropes… there’s no way!"
GHEORGHE: "Black reaching … and reaching … HE IS ALMOST THERE!"
JIVE: "I can’t believe it! Erik Black is going to escape!"
GHEORGHE: "Not on his own! Cruise releases the Cruise Control!"
JULIUS: "Smart move … he at least gets a chance to do more damage without the referee separating them!"
GHEORGHE: "How much damage did that do, though? Erik Black was in that hold for a good while!"
JIVE: "The real question is whether or not Cameron Cruise can even put the Druid away! He wasn’t able to do it with the Cruise Control!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise pulling Black into the center of the ring … and drives the elbow into the small of the back! And now he locks on the headlock!"
JULIUS: "Black being worked over … Cameron Cruise getting a bit of a breather, too."
GHEORGHE: "The referee checking on the Druid … and Black trying to reach up and grab Cruise’s head.."
JIVE: "Cruise applying more pressure to the headlock.."
GHEORGHE: "WAIT!! Black slips out as Cruise tried to re-apply… and he brings the arm behind Cruise’s back!"
JULIUS: "Black trying to get momentum … he’s going to need it if he’s going to win this match…"
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise trying to get to his feet as Black has the hammerlock…. And they are………….. CRUISE GRABS BLACK’s HEAD AND DROPS FOR THE STUNNER…. BUT BLACK BLOCKS IT! Cruise lands on his ass … Erik Black against the ropes … comes back … AND FLIPS OVER CRUISE GRABBING HIS HEAD IN THE PROCESS SNAPPING IT FORWARD!"
JIVE: "That move took a lot out of Black, though! He’s not exactly bounding back to his feet!"
GHEORGHE: "Erik Black sitting up … and he has to be wondering what it will take to finish off the Television champion."
JULIUS: "Black might be coming down from his high …. He’s sluggish getting to his feet!"
GHEORGHE: "Black over to Cruise to pick him off the mat …. SMALL PACKAGE!!! ONE ............... TWO .………… THREE!!!!!"
JIVE: "BLACK KICKED OUT!"
GHEORGHE: "Wow! Almost a stolen victory there by Cruise .. but Black able to get out at the last moment! The ref’s hand hit the mat for the three … but Black got out!"
JULIUS: "The idiots in the arena have to wait a bit longer before they break out the champagne.."
JIVE: "Champagne? More like Natty Ices!"
GHEORGHE: "Black up … Cruise getting up … and they meet in the center of the ring!"
JULIUS: "Back where we started!"
GHEORGHE: "Black with Cruise pushes him back into the ropes …. Sends Cruise running …. Cruise on the return as Black ducks … AND CRUISE GRABS HIM! Cruise hooks Black and brings him up for a powerbomb!!!"
(SFX: CROWD ORGASMS as they hop to their feet!)
JIVE: "HOLY SHIT!"
GHEORGHE: "ERIK BLACK BROUGHT UP IN THE AIR FOR THE POWERBOMB … and HE FLIPPED OVER CRUISE’s BACK AND USED THE MOMENTUM TO HIT A POWERBOMB OF HIS OWN!!!"
JULIUS: "And Black has Cruise’s shoulders pinned!"
GHEORGHE: "ONE ………… TWO …………………… THREE!!! OH MY HE DID IT!!!"
JIVE: "The fans are shocked!!"
GHEORGHE: "NO!!! The referee!!! He’s saying the shoulder got up!!! Cameron Cruise is still in this!!"
JULIUS: "How is that even possible!?!?"
GHEORGHE: "Black is beside himself! He can’t believe it either!"
JIVE: "We all know Black is smoking the doobies…. But I want Cruise to be tested for steroids!"
GHEORGHE: "Oh stop it!"
JIVE: "This match should be over!"
GHEORGHE: "But it isn’t! Erik Black … collecting himself … and he is getting to his feet!"
JULIUS: "Erik Black! He’s going to end this right here … right now!"
GHEORGHE: "Black calling for the Cottonmouth! Black is walking around the ring psyching himself up …. And Cruise using the ropes!"
JIVE: "Cruise is up!"
GHEORGHE: "ERIK BLACK ….. HE GOES BEHIND CRUISE AND LOCKS ON THE CHICKENWI.. NO!"
JULIUS: "Cruise just rushed into the corner and sent Black shoulder first through the turnbuckle pads into the steel post!"
GHEORGHE: "Black straddling the second rope as his shoulder is still pressed against the post… and Cruise …. Cruise back on his feet!"
JULIUS: "He’s wobbling worse than Lindsay Lohan after a night at the club!"
JIVE: "Lindsay Lohan?! Who ARE you?"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise reaching through the ropes and pulling Black back in …. Cruise hooks the waist …. AND NAILS THE FISHERMAN SUPLEX! There’s the cover … ONE …………. TWO ………….. THRE—NO!"
JIVE: "Another kickout!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise up … and drops the elbow…. But Black rolls out of the way and Cruise hits the mat!"
JULIUS: "At this point in the match he can’t afford to botch a move like that .. every single miss is going to multiply."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise sitting up …. And now he crawls over Black to the ropes! The Television champion using the ropes to get to his feet … and Black! Black on his knees!"
JIVE: "Cruise roused Black when he crawled over him .."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise comes in for the double axehandle… BUT BLACK WITH A SHOT TO THE GUT! Black grabs the head …. AND NAILS THE ROLLING DDT!"
JIVE: "And they’re both back down!"
GHEORGHE: "The crowd really getting into this match … they are hanging on every single move!"
JULIUS: "The Television championship on the line … but Black sitting up! The Druid trying to get to his feet!"
GHEORGHE: "BLACK IS UP!! ERIK BLACK ON HIS FEET!"
JIVE: "But he’s resting on the ropes! He needs to keep the pressure on if he wants the championship that bad!"
JULIUS: "Cruise still lying flat on his back .. I doubt after all that’s happened so far the Druid is in any danger on the ropes right now!"
GHEORGHE: "Erik Black wiping the sweat from his face…"
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES~!~~!~!)
GHEORGHE: "CRUISE KIPS UP!!! CAMERON CRUISE WITH A SECOND WIND AND HE RUSHES BLACK!"
JULIUS: "Black looks like he’s seen a ghost!"
GHEORGHE: "Black sidesteps Cruise .. but Cruise braces the ropes! Cameron Cruise from behind …. AND HE GRABS THE DRUID BY THE HEAD AND GOES TO THE CORNER!"
JIVE: "Druid, Turnbuckle pad. Turnbuckle pad, Druid."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise slamming Black’s head into the top turnbuckle pad …. BUT BLACK BLOCKS IT! Erik Black with an elbow to the gut! AND HE SLAMS CRUISE’s HEAD INTO THE PAD! AGAIN!"
CROWD: "THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise stumbles out of the corner ….. AND ERIK BLACK IS CLIMBING THE ROPES!!!"
JULIUS: "This is a dangerous move! All the work Black has put into this match could come crashing down!"
GHEORGHE: "Black perched on the top rope ….. CRUISE … CRUISE TURNS ……"
(SFX: FANS BLOW THE ROOF OFF!)
GHEORGHE: "PHOENIX DRAGONRANA!!! ERIK BLACK!!! ONE …………… TWO …………………… THREE!!!!!!! HE DID IT!!! HE DID IT!!!!!"
JIVE: "Holy shit!!!!"
(SFX: Bell rings and the fans continue to explode as the referee walks over to Black and raises his arm!)
JULIUS: "Erik Black pulling that move off … and Cruise caught with the pinning combination …. As much as I dislike Cruise … that was one HELL of a match!"
LINKS: "The winner of this match via pinfall…. And NEEEEWWW New ERA of Wrestling TELEVISION CHAMPION ….."
(CUEUP: "Holy Mountain" by Sleep. The fans pop AGAIN.)
LINKS: "THE DRUID ………… ERIK …….. BLACK!!!"
GHEORGHE: "Black with the championship …. What a match!!"
JULIUS: "Uh oh!!! Cruise is on his feet!"
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise on his feet and he looks incredibly deflated right now as he stands behind Black!"
JIVE: "Cruise might snap! He walked into Destrucity II with two championships … and he’s leaving empty handed!"
GHEORGHE: "Black with the belt strapped around his waist.. AND HE TURNS RIGHT INTO CRUISE!!!!"
JULIUS: "This isn’t over yet!"
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise staring down at the belt …. And now at Black …."
(SFX: CROWD POPS HUGE!!!!)
GHEORGHE: "And Cruise extends his hand!!!!!"
JULIUS: "Watch out, Black! This is a ploy!!!"
GHEORGHE: "AND ERIK BLACK EXTENDS HIS!!!"
(SFX: The fans ERUPT as Cruise shoots Black’s arm in the air!)
GHEORGHE: "Now THAT is the mark of a true champion!! Cameron Cruise congratulating Black … and now he’s leaving the ring…."
JIVE: "The Druid went through hell to win the championship…"
GHEORGHE: "He lasted through the Cruise Control … he lasted through all of Cruise’s attempts to retain the cham…"
JIVE: "No .. I meant, he went through hell by having to put up with Cruise for so long!"
GHEORGHE: "Ladies and gentlemen … Erik Black is the new Television champion …. And coming up shortly… we will have the battle of all battles …. The finals of the single night tournament to determine a new PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion… Chaos …. Ashe Corvin …. Up next!"