LINKS: "The following match is scheduled for one fall … and is for the New ERA of Wrestling WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!"
(CUEUP: "What’s My Age Again" by Blink-182. The fans pop as the music blares over the PA system.)
LINKS: "Introducing first.. the challengers… coming to the ring at a combined weight of 456 pounds…. JACK ……. HOFF ……….. JACK n’ HOFF!"
(Hoff comes through the curtains and begins to walk down the rampway. Following him, bursting through the curtains is Jack. Hoff shakes his head as Jack begins to run circles around him, playfully jabbing the air.)
JIVE: "Can you imagine if these idiots win tonig…. No wait… I can’t even go there."
GHEORGHE: "Jack n’ Hoff are an incredibly talented team, Nick. They have a good shot at winning the championships tonight!"
JIVE: "Yea, and Problem Child is going to try his hardest out there!"
JULIUS: "The best part about this match is that Cruise not only has to worry about Jack n’ Hoff, but he has to try to keep Problem Child in check… that in and of itself should be worth the torture."
LINKS: "And their opponents…"
(CUEUP: "Killing in the Name Of" by Rage Against the Machine. The fans pop as Cameron Cruise steps through the curtains, and a good portion of the crowd jeers as Problem Child comes through moments later.)
JIVE: "Problem Child keeping his distance from Cruise … I would, too!"
LINKS: "Coming to the ring … at a combined weight of 479 pounds… they are the WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS …….. CAMERON CRUISE ….. and PROBLEM CHILD!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise keeping an eye on Problem Child as they make their way to the ring .. and PC with a sly smile as Cruise turns his head back."
JIVE: "I can already tell … this relationship is going to work out as well as the WFW:NE!"
(The World Tag Team champions step into the ring. Cruise turns to strategize with Problem Child, but PC turns his back and begins tightening his laces.)
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: "The bell has rung … and the referee now telling Cruise and PC they need to decide who will start things off…."
JIVE: "And Problem Child just hopped over the top rope! I guess that settles that!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise not happy about the unilateral decision by PC.."
JULIUS: "Why does that sound eerily similar.."
GHEORGHE: "It looks like Hoff will be starting things off and both men are now in the center of the ring!"
JULIUS: "Problem Child egging Cruise on … I love it."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise turns and tells PC to cool it … and Hoff takes advantage of the situation! Hoff grabs Cruise from behind and takes him over with the belly to back suplex!"
JIVE: "Cruise back on his feet and PC is giving him a healthy round of applause."
GHEORGHE: "Hoff now grabs Cameron Cruise and backs him into the ropes …. There’s the irish whip …. Hoff puts his head down … but Cruise stops short on the return! Cruise grabs the head of his opponent… and takes him down with the swinging neckbreaker!"
JULIUS: "You’d think Cruise just single handedly saved Haiti from disaster if you listened to the crowd."
GHEORGHE: "The crowd behind Cameron Cruise here… and how could you not be? Being put in the situation he’s in…"
JIVE: "Yea, the fans usually do support the mentally handicapped…"
GHEORGHE: "I meant having to team with Problem Child, Nick!"
JULIUS: "Plus, if that were true, you’d have the biggest fan club of anyone, Jive."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise grabs Hoff as both men get to their feet … and he goes behind with the hammerlock! Hoff trying to reach back and break the hold, but Cruise avoids it… Cruise making his way to the corner to tag in PC …."
JIVE: "Problem Child hops off the ring apron!"
GHEORGHE: "Problem Child not wanting the tag… and Cruise yelling at him to get back up……….. AND HOFF CATCHES CRUISE OFFGUARD! Hoff with a drop toe hold … and he pops back up and drives the knee into the back of the head!"
JULIUS: "PC back in his corner … go ahead and tag him in, Cruise!"
GHEORGHE: "Hoff pulling Cruise into the center of the ring … and now into his corner … and there’s the tag to Jack!"
JIVE: "Look at how selfish Cruise is! Even though he’s flat on his back, he wouldn’t even tag in his partner to shoulder the load!"
GHEORGHE: "PC hopped off when Cruise wanted to tag him in!"
JIVE: "He had PLENTY of time before that, Gheorghe."
GHEORGHE: "Jack in the ring … and Hoff brings Cruise to his feet … Jack against the ropes and comes flying back … HOFF moves and Jack nails Cruise with a flying forearm!"
JULIUS: "BOOM goes the Dynamite!"
JIVE: "Did you really just say that?"
GHEORGHE: "Jack scoops Cruise off the mat .. hooks the tights and brings him up ….. and bounces Cruise off the top rope with the slingshot suplex!"
JIVE: "Problem Child is loving this!"
GHEORGHE: "PC with a huge smile on his face as his partner is taking the brunt of the damage."
JULIUS: "Jack tagging Hoff back in."
GHEORGHE: "Hoff in the ring now and his partner holds Cruise down … Hoff against the ropes and he comes back with a baseball slide! Cruise goes under the bottom rope and to the outside!"
JIVE: "Look at Cruise trying to run!"
GHEORGHE: "Run?! The man was just slammed to the outside!"
JIVE: "He could have stayed in the ring if he wanted … but NOOOOO … Cruise took the easy way out."
GHEORGHE: "Hoff and Jack in the ring looking over the top rope as Cruise lays on the outside.."
JULIUS: "Problem Child is sneaking into the ring!"
GHEORGHE: "PC! He is sneaking behind Jack and Hoff …… he drops to his knees…."
(SFX: Fans jeer.)
JIVE: "Double low blow!! Now THAT’s how a good tag partner operates!"
GHEORGHE: "What!? He’s been avoiding entering this match since the beginning!"
JULIUS: "Problem Child’s in there now, isn’t he? Doing what Cruise couldn’t!"
GHEORGHE: "PC picks Jack off the ground…. And he just tossed him into that corner! PC with a spinning heel kick right into the face of Jack!"
JIVE: "Problem Child cleaning up the mess Cruise left."
GHEORGHE: "PC now grabbing Hoff … and he’s taking him to the other corner! And he hits him with a spinning heel kick!"
JULIUS: "What’s good for the goose is good for the gander."
GHEORGHE: "PC now bracing himself… and he charges into Jack’s corner and NAILS him with a splash! Jack takes a few steps out and falls to the mat! PC …. he charges Hoff … AND SPLASHES HIM TOO! Hoff slides down to the mat!"
JULIUS: "The referee is trying to hand this match to Jack n’ Hoff!"
GHEORGHE: "No… he’s trying to maintain order in the ring and get PC out of there! Cruise is the legal man!"
JIVE: "PC ain’t listening… he just brushed off the referee!"
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise getting back to his feet and shaking out the cobwebs… PC goes over to Jack … and drives the boot into the ribs! Cruise is back in the ring!"
JULIUS: "Oh come on .. get Cruise out of there!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise back in the ring now and he walks over to PC … and he just pushed him!"
JIVE: "Cruise is an idiot!"
GHEORGHE: "PC turns around … and he shoves Cruise!"
JULIUS: "This team is doomed!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise staring PC down ….. AND HOFF COMES FROM BEHIND AND GRABS PC … AND TOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPES!"
JIVE: "Well that’s not nice!"
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise taking advantage of the situation … and he clotheslines Hoff from behind!"
JIVE: "THE JERSEY SHORE KIDS ARE HERE?!"
GHEORGHE: "What are you talking about?!"
JIVE: "THE SITUATION!"
(Tom Gheorghe shakes his head in disbelief.)
JULIUS: "Just like Cruise … attacking someone with their back to him."
GHEORGHE: "You didn’t seem to mind when PC did it earlier!"
JULIUS: "That’s because Problem Child was trying to restore order to the match."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise now picking up … no! Hoff kicks him away! Hoff scrambles to his feet …. And ducks underneath a Cruise clothesline! Hoff with a kick to the gut … and bounces against the ropes…"
JIVE: "He made the tag to Jack!"
GHEORGHE: "Hoff comes back .. but Cruise knees him in the gut! Cruise placing Hoff’s head between his legs… BUT JACK IS ON THE TOP! JACK FLIES OFF!!!"
JULIUS: "Cruise sees him but it’s too late!"
GHEORGHE: "JACK WITH THE SUNSET FLIP!!! ONE ……………… TWO …………….... THREEE!!!!!"
JIVE: "HE GOT HIM!"
JULIUS: "Ah, bastard! Ref is saying no!"
GHEORGHE: "The ref shoots up … and Cruise got the shoulder up!!!!"
JIVE: "Jack and Hoff were celebrating … too soon."
JULIUS: "I don’t think anyone is more disappointed by Cruise getting his shoulder up than Problem Child."
GHEORGHE: "Jack back on his feet and he bends down and lays some fists into the face of Cruise … Jack brings Cruise to his feet … and hits the standing dropkick!"
JIVE: "Jack getting himself all riled up over nothing.."
GHEORGHE: "Jack heads to the corner … and he’s going to the top!"
JULIUS: "Bad things happen when people do this.."
GHEORGHE: "Jack steadying himself … Cameron Cruise lying flat on his back … AND JACK FLIES OFF WITH THE FROG SPLASH!"
JIVE: "Cruise got the knees up!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise with the knees up and Jack rolls off him holding his ribcage!"
JIVE: "Now would be a good time to tag in Problem Child!"
GHEORGHE: "So he could take all the glory for doing no work?"
JIVE: "Exactly… I mean, no!"
GHEORGHE: "Jack turns himself onto his stomach and he’s trying to crawl to his corner…. And now Cruise is doing the same!"
JULIUS: "Gotta get the fresh man in there … Problem Child could easily save the World Tag Team championships for his team."
GHEORGHE: "The real question is whether he even wants to!"
JULIUS: "Of course he wants to!"
GHEORGHE: "Jack almost to his corner… and he makes the tag!"
JIVE: "Cruise is at his corner!"
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise reaches up for the tag ….. BUT PROBLEM CHILD JUST STANDS THERE! Cruise is looking up at him …. And Cruise starts cursing at PC!"
JULIUS: "That is no way to treat your partner…"
GHEORGHE: "Hoff runs up from behind … and he grabs Cruise’s foot and drags him back into the center of the ring! Hoff flips Cruise over .. BUT CRUISE WITH A BOOT TO THE FACE!"
JIVE: "Stop trying to be the hero, Cameron! Let Problem Child bear some of the burden!"
GHEORGHE: "Hoff comes back… but Cruise with another boot to the face! Cruise is getting to his feet!"
JULIUS: "He just slapped Problem Child!"
GHEORGHE: "The referee is telling PC to get into the ring!"
JIVE: "He didn’t even bother asking him if he was ready!"
GHEORGHE: "Make up your goddamn mind, Nick!"
(SFX: FANS POP HUGE!)
GHEORGHE: "AND CRUISE JUST GRABBED PC AND BROUGHT HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE INTO THE RING!"
JULIUS: "Problem Child wasn’t expecting that…. And Cruise just left the ring!"
GHEORGHE: "PC on his feet … and he glares at Cruise!"
JULIUS: "Look at that smile from Cruise!"
GHEORGHE: "PC just flipped Cameron the bird! AND NOW HE’s LYING DOWN AND TELLING HOFF TO COVER HIM!"
JIVE: "Hoff does! ONE ………….. TWO ……………….. TH…."
GHEORGHE: "AND CRUISE FLIES INTO THE RING AND BREAKS UP THE PIN!"
JULIUS: "I think Problem Child got the point through, don’t you?"
GHEORGHE: "He tried to lose the match on purpose!"
JULIUS: "No, no .. he was going to kick out anyway… but he was telling Cruise that this match is in his hands…"
GHEORGHE: "I highly doubt that was his attempt! The referee forcing Cruise to the outside ..... AND PC RUNS OVER AND SLAPS HIM OVER THE REFEREE’s SHOULDER!"
JIVE: "Problem Child did his part.. now it is time for Cruise to do his!"
GHEORGHE: "But Cruise just got out! He’s been the legal man for the entire match!"
JIVE: "I do believe Problem Child was just the legal man…"
GHEORGHE: "For about 15 seconds!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise steps into the ring and he is visibly angry at his partner…. Hoff comes in .. but Cruise quickly ducks the left hook! Cruise grabs Hoff and slams him! Cruise now with a forearm to the jaw… Hoff puts the arm up … but Cruise grabs it … irish whip to the ropes … and takes Hoff down with a big back body drop!"
JULIUS: "The fans felt that!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise hooking the leg of Jack … and he’s going for the figure four!"
JIVE: "Not on Hoff’s watch!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise turned and Hoff with a well-placed foot to the backside kicks him out of it!"
JULIUS: "Cruise not taking that lightly."
GHEORGHE: "Cruise right back on the attack and drops the leg across the throat of Hoff! Cruise brings Hoff to his feet …. And nails the sitdown facebuster! Cruise with the cover….. ONE ………………. TWO ……………………. KICKOUT!"
JIVE: "You’ll have to do better than that!"
JULIUS: "Jack is in the ring!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise sees him! Jack goes for the boot …. But Cruise catches it! Jack begging ….. AND GOES FOR THE ENZIGUIRI!"
JIVE: "Cruise ducked!"
GHEORGHE: "Jack hits the mat …. And Cruise lifts his arms …"
JIVE: "Hoff has him!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise locked from behind by Hoff …. But he slams the elbow back into the jaw! Jack back to his feet … but Cruise turns and hooks Hoff…. BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX SENDS HOFF FLYING INTO JACK!"
JULIUS: "Jack n’ Hoff are down!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise grabs both men … and slams their heads together! And there goes Jack to the outside! Cameron Cruise now looks over at Problem Child …. And he’s bring Hoff to him!"
JIVE: "It’s about damn time!"
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise throws Hoff into their corner… and he reaches over the ropes for the tag…."
(The camera focuses in on Problem Child… his eyes focused on Cruise’s. Finally he reaches out…)
GHEORGHE: "PC is accepting the ta…. WAIT A MINUTE…."
(SFX: The fans begin to JEER!)
GHEORGHE: "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?!"
(Problem Child steps back and hops off the apron.)
GHEORGHE: "PROBLEM CHILD…. HE JUST HOPPED OFF THE APRON!"
JULIUS: "He’s leaving!"
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise screaming at PC to get back here… and he’s following PC around the ring! PC is leaving!! He’s walking up the ramp!!!"
JIVE: "Why should he have to save Cameron Cruise?!"
GHEORGHE: "Earlier you were saying that PC was the savior!"
JIVE: "That was then, this is now, Gheorghe!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise yelling from the ring at PC … and Problem Child turns!"
(SFX: The fans jeer hardcore …. Problem Child looks around, and then back at Cruise.)
GHEORGHE: "WAIT A MINUTE!!! HOFF!! JACK!!! THEY’RE BOTH ON THEIR FEET!"
JIVE: "Problem Child just gave Cruise the bird!! Cameron Cruise is livid!"
GHEORGHE: "Jack and Hoff nodding at each other!"
JULIUS: "Problem Child … he’s telling Cruise to turn around … but Cruise isn’t listening …"
JIVE: "Cameron Cruise is letting his hatred of Problem Child get the best of him! He doesn’t deserve the championships!"
GHEORGHE: "JACK GRABS CRUISE AND SPINS HIM AROUND ….. MICHINOKU DRIVER!!! CRUISE IS DOWN!!!"
JULIUS: "And now Problem Child has a front row seat to his downfall!"
GHEORGHE: "Jack races to the corner…. Hoff bringing Cruise to his feet ……………………….. HOFF WITH THE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP… AND JACK FLIES OFF WITH THE 360 DEGREE LEG DROP!! SWEET, SWEET RELEASE!!!! ONE ………………........ TWO .................................... THREEEE!!!!!"
(SFX: Bell rings. The crowd pops for Jack n’ Hoff but begins chanting "PC SUCKS! PC SUCKS!")
GHEORGHE: "Problem Child cost his partner the World Tag Team championships!"
LINKS: "The winners of this match…. And NEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW New ERA of Wrestling World Tag Team champions …….. JACK ….. n’ HOFF!!!!"
GHEORGHE: "Jack n’ Hoff celebrating with the belts… and that SCUM Problem Child walking up the ramp …."
(SFX: THE FANS EXPLODE~~!~!~!~!)
JULIUS: "What the hell is he doing out here?!"
GHEORGHE: "JASON PAYNE!!!! THE DOG OF WAR JUST STEPPED THROUGH THE CURTAIN AND HE HAS A CHAIR!!!"
JIVE: "Someone get out here and stop him!! Jason Payne trying to add insult to Cameron Cruise costing Problem Child the World Tag Team championships!"
GHEORGHE: "PC COST CRUISE THE BELTS!"
JIVE: "Problem Child’s not the one who let his hatred get the better of him!"
GHEORGHE: "Problem Child backing up as Jason Payne walks towards him …."
JULIUS: "Jack n’ Hoff don’t want any of this! They’re taking their belts and sneaking by the two!"
GHEORGHE: "PC is backed up to the ring! Jason Payne mouthing something at him … I can’t quite make it out …"
JIVE: "I’m sure you wouldn’t want to know …. Hell, New York cab drivers don’t even want to know!"
GHEORGHE: "AND PC JUST ROLLED INTO THE RING!!!"
JULIUS: "God… and Cruise is getting back up!! This can’t be good for Problem Child!"
GHEORGHE: "JASON PAYNE IS IN THE RING!!! He is pointing at PC!!!"
JIVE: "AND CRUISE IS UP …. He pushes Problem Child from behind!!!"
(SFX: FANS BEGIN TO JEER!!!)
GHEORGHE: "WAIT A MINUTE!!!! McMILLAN!!! McMILLAN IS RUNNING DOWN THE RAMPWAY AND HE HAS A CHAIR!!!"
JIVE: "Jason Payne is about to get a little action of his own!"
JULIUS: "McMillan coming to finish the job he started earlier on Payne!! And Payne doesn’t even see him!"
GHEORGHE: "McMILLAN SLOWLY CLIMBING THE RING STEPS!! PAYNE IS TOO BUSY THREATENING PC WITH HIS CHAIR!!"
JIVE: "Problem Child eying McMillan…. He’s beckoning him to hurry up and take Payne out!"
GHEORGHE: "Cruise pushing PC still …. AND McMILLAN IS IN THE RING!!! THE WOLF IS STANDING BEHIND JASON PAYNE!!!!"
(SFX: CROWD POPS HUGE!!!!)
GHEORGHE: "AND PAYNE TURNS AND SEES HIM!!!"
JIVE: "I don’t think the ring can handle those four men right now!!! Cruise wants to rip Problem Child’s head off right now … and McMillan and Payne almost destroyed each other earlier … and I think we’re about to see round two!!"
GHEORGHE: "CHRIS McMILLAN RAISES THE CHAIR …………."
(SFX: CRACK!!~!~!~!~!~!~!~! CROWD GASPS!!!)
GHEORGHE: "WHAT THE HELL?!!?"
JIVE: "McMillan swung the chair at Problem Child!!!"
JULIUS: "But PC ducked!!! McMILLAN JUST CREAMED CAMERON CRUISE WITH THE CHAIR!!!"
(McMillan looks down at Cruise’s body and drops the chair. He turns to face Jason Payne, and then looks down at Problem Child.)
GHEORGHE: "What is going on here?! PROBLEM CHILD CRAWLING OUT OF THE RING…. CRUISE IS DOWN!!!"
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES!)
GHEORGHE: "PAYNE CATCHES PC’s FOOT!!!! JASON PAYNE DRAGGING PROBLEM CHILD TO THE CENTER OF THE RING!!!!"
(SFX: The roof blows off the MGM Grand Garden Arena!)
GHEORGHE: "AND CHRIS McMILLAN DROPS THE KNEE INTO PC’s SKULL!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!"
JIVE: "Jack n’ Hoff are standing at the top of the ramp … and they are looking on dumbfounded!"
JULIUS: "I think that’s just their regular expression, Jive."
(McMillan gets to his feet and walks up to Jason Payne …)
GHEORGHE: "PAYNE AND McMILLAN STANDING FACE TO FACE!! Problem Child rolls to the outside and he is hightailing it through the crowd!!!"
(McMillan and Payne stare …. Finally Payne grabs McMillan’s left arm and raises it in the air..)
GHEORGHE: "PAYNE!!!!! McMILLAN!!!!! ARE THEY….. ARE THEY BACK TOGETHER?!!?"
JULIUS: "Somewhere Whitney Houston is rolling over in her grave…"
GHEORGHE: "She’s still alive, Dean!"
JULIUS: "Is she? …. I mean, really…"
GHEORGHE: "The crowd can’t believe it! The Dogs of War!!! They’re back together!"
JIVE: "This is disgusting! Get those two freaks out of the ring!"
GHEORGHE: "Payne now telling the ring attendant to get a microphone…. And now he and McMillan are over to the side …. AND THEY ARE POINTING AT JACK n’ HOFF!"
JULIUS: "I think Jack just pissed his pants! He just bolted!"
GHEORGHE: "Cameron Cruise on the outside…. And he can’t believe it… he still has to defend the Television championship tonight … and by God, he’s already been through so much!"
JIVE: "Oh great… the big doofus and the walking dead have mics now…"
(The camera cuts from Cruise, walking up the ramp with his hands on his forehead, to Jason Payne and Chris McMillan standing in the ring.)