(Nick Jive takes a sip of his ‘Poland Spring’ bottled water…)
JIVE: "Got water?"
GHEORGHE: "Fans are wild here for this pay per view!"
JIVE: "This is a pay per view? I thought all the shows were on demand .. so isn’t that kind of like pay per view?"
GHEORGHE: "No… this is like THE big event.. RAUCOUS goes on DEMAND after airing on HBO … Don’t you notice it isn’t called RAUCOUS?"
JIVE: "Oh yeah! I was wondering why "Who Said" by Planet Fuck wasn’t playing in the background."
GHEORGHE: "It’s Planet Funk, moron."
JIVE: "Oh… just talk about the next match already!"
GHEORGHE: "Yeah, yeah, lazy… anyways ladies and gentlemen up next is a match up that should be spectacular. ‘the Phenom Shawn Hart is going to take on El Arco Iris!"
JIVE: "That man scares me, Tom."
GHEORGHE: "Oh… well let’s take it down to Carl Jacobs at ring side!"
(CUTTO: Carl Jacobs standing in the ring. The lineup flashes on the screen before slowly fading out.)
JACOBS: "The following match up is scheduled for one fall!"
(CUEUP: 'Tunak Tunak Tun' by Daler Mehndi. Iris appears on the ramp way, after the chants at the beginning finish, stage lights flash all sorts of colors and El Arco iris comes dancing out to the ring.)
JACOBS: "Weighing in at 190 pounds.."
JIVE: "He’s light…"
JACOBS: "From the other side of the Rainbow…."
(Arco starts being bouncy, energetic, friendly, and slapping hands and hugging as many fans as he can as he slide into the ring.)
JACOBS: "EL ARCO IRIS!"
JIVE: "Where’s Shawn Hart! WE WANT HART WE WANT HART!"
(CUEUP: 'Virtual Insanity' by Jamiroquai as out comes Shawn Hart.)
JACOBS: "And his opponent weighing in at 221 pounds…."
JIVE: "Wow he’s fat… not as hefty as you, Tom."
GHEORGHE: "Shut your mouth."
JIVE: "WEIGHT WATCHERS TIME!"
JACOBS: "Hailing from Orlando, Florida…."
(Hart slides in the ring as looks at Arco giving him a dirty look then poses for the crowd.)
JACOBS: "The Phenom ……… SHAWN HART!"
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: "Shawn Hart and El Arco Iris locking up as Shawn Hart grabbing the head of Iris and locking on a head lock."
GHEORGHE: "Iris standing up and hitting a backdrop….. Great reversal by Iris as Hart is to his feet. ‘The Phenom’ now hooking the arm of Iris and throwing him with that arm drag takedown!"
JIVE: "Yes whip him into shape, Shawn!! Iris to his feet and is just right back down with a dropkick. Hart is now appealing to the crowd! How can they not cheer this man like they do Iris??? YEAH YOU’RE MY IDOL, SHAWN! See how he points at me Tom and not you."
GHEORGHE: "Looks like your idol just got a roll up pin pulled on him ONE ………….. TWO …………… and a kick out from Hart. They are on their feet as Iris goes for a clothesline, Hart ducks, Hart off the ropes and goes for a clothesline of his own but Iris ducks this time….. The rebound off opposite ropes, DOUBLE CLOTHELINE FROM EACH OF THEM AND THEY BOTH HIT THE MAT!"
JIVE: "God I thought he was smart, come on Shawn get up!"
GHEORGHE: "And Iris is to his feet first and is picking up Hart. Hart with an eye gauge and is running to the ropes ……. he bounces off them ……… Iris turning around… REVERSE CROSS BODY FROM SHAWN HART!!! … cover ONE ….. and Iris gets the rope break."
JIVE: "I’ll give Iris credit .. you don’t want to waste energy with a kick out. Iris to his feet now …"
GHEORGHE: "Irish whip by Hart and Iris on the rebound ….. Shawn Hart with a kick to the midsection and NOW HE IS SETTING IRIS UP FOR A POWERBOMB …. REVERSAL FROM EL ARCO IRIS AS HE PUTS HART DOWN WITH A HEAD SCISSORS TAKEDOWN!"
JIVE: "NO DAMMIT! Hart is laying on the ground …. Iris climbing the turnbuckle. Iris leaps off 450 SPLASH!"
GHEORGHE: "NO! HART MANAGES TO GET HIS KNEES UP AND ARCO’S RIBS CRASH INTO HART’s KNEES! Hart is back to his feet …. And he drags him to the middle of the ring! HART NOW LOCKING IN THE FIGURE FOUR!! AND THE REF IS ASKING IF IRIS WANTS TO GIVE!"
JIVE: "TAP! I really want Hart to win!"
JIVE: "Man, we were hanging out last night and we got so wasted we got all these girls and what not… wow it was a great night."
GHEORGHE: "Liar we were at the board meeting last night till eleven o’clock then you said "I feel so tired and my mom called my cell and tolled me to get to bed early." ….."
JIVE: "SHUT UP THE FANS DON’T KNOW THAT."
GHEORGHE: "And Hart letting go of the figure four lock. He picks up Iris to his feet. Iris though quickly hits Hart with a shot to the gut …… and another …… and Hart gets in a kick to the gut that bends Iris over.."
JIVE: "Isn’t he always bent over?"
GHEORGHE: "Hart grabbing Iris head and is signaling for the Hart Attack. NO!!!!!!!!!!!! IRIS HAS PUSHED HART AND HIT A DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF SHAWN HART’S HEAD!"
JIVE: "GO BACK TO MASSACHUSETTS!"
GHEORGHE: "But he’s not from Massachusetts…."
JIVE: "Well they’re all fairy loving hippies up there, so he’d feel right at home!"
GHEORGHE: "Iris signaling for the Happy Dance! HART TURNS AROUND….. HAPPY DANCE FROM EL ARCO IRIS! IRIS WITH THE COVER! ONE …………………… TWO ………………… THREE!!!"
(SFX: Bell rings.)
JACOBS: "Here is your winner… EL ARCO IRIS!"
GHEORGHE: "What a great fast paced match up, Nick!"
JIVE: "NO! I want a rematch!"
GHEORGHE: "Ladies and gentlemen we continue with the action … as El Arco Iris managed to finally beat ‘the Phenom’ on the big stage!"
JIVE: "My idol just got beat down."
(Jive sulks while Iris is celebrating in the ring .. and helping Hart up.)