(The lights in the arena dim and the crowd fills the darkness with their cheers.)
LINKS: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the NEW ERA OF WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first
("Still Alive" by GLaDOS. The crowd jumps to their feet as "PRO WRESTLING's SJH" flashes across the big screens in the DCU Center.)
NEWMAN: "It is DEAFENING in here!"
(Pro Wrestling's SJH steps onto the platform and raises his arms in the air.)
LINKS: "Hailing from Orlando, Florida
. Standing five foot eleven, and weighing in at 210 pounds
(Hart struts down the ramp and plays to the crowd.)
LINKS: "He is a former two-time New ERA Champion
ESS JAY ACH!"
JULIUS: "Look at that chump! I'm surprised he's not limping to the ring to set up ANOTHER excuse when he flops here tonight."
NEWMAN: "No excuses needed. Hart looks the best he's been all season."
TRIPP: "I agree, Natalie. Shawn Hart wants the New ERA Championship back and he's determined to make the First pay."
("Happy Birthday" by the Birthday Massacre rolls over the jeering crowd. They rise to their feet with crunched faces as the First and Muse step through the curtain.)
JULIUS: "I don't know what you guys were talking about earlier?! The fans here LOVE the First!"
LINKS: "His opponent.. led to the ring by Muse
hailing from Salem, Massachusetts .. and current NEW ERA of WRESTLING CHAMPION
(The First and Muse walk down the center of the walkway ignoring the fans trying to reach over the guardrail and yank the title away from him.)
NEWMAN: "The First turning and he just flipped off the fans in the front row! They're trying to hop over the guardrail!"
(Luckily, though, security is right there.)
JULIUS: "They're like the Druid's acolytes! Those fans want to show their undying love for the New ERA Champion!"
TRIPP: "Keep dreaming, Dean."
(First and Muse step into the ring and hold the New ERA Championship in the air as the referee pats him down for foreign objects.)
TRIPP: "Forget the First! Check Muse for weapons!"
JULIUS: "I'm starting to take offense on behalf of Muse!"
(Muse takes the championship belt and exits the ring. The two men stand in the middle.)
NEWMAN: "The referee checking Pro Wrestling's SJH for weapons
and he just called for the bell! BattleBRAWL 3's main event is underway!"
(SFX: The bell rings.)
JULIUS: "The First is only three seconds away from solidifying his grasp on the gold. I can't wait."
NEWMAN: "The First steps right up to Pro Wrestling's SJH .. and he is pointing the finger smack-dab in the middle of Hart's chest."
JULIUS: "He's the champion and he's laying down the rules."
TRIPP: "The First trying to get inside Hart's head, but I don't think Pro Wrestling's SJH is going to let him in."
JULIUS: "Not like the First would find much inside."
TRIPP: "The New ERA Champion finishing off his rant, and he just slapped Hart across the face!"
NEWMAN: "And he just set him off! Shawn Hart comes after the New ERA Champion, but the First makes it to the ropes and leans through! The referee getting in the middle of the two men."
JULIUS: "Cry-baby Hart is stomping his feet because he can't get his way."
TRIPP: "The First now walking around behind the referee
and he reaches over the referee's shoulder and slaps Hart again!"
NEWMAN: "This time Hart rolls right past the referee! Hart grabs onto the arm of First and sends him to the ropes with the irish whip!"
JULIUS: "Why are the fans cheering?! Shawn Hart is blatantly breaking the rules!"
NEWMAN: "The First well aware of where he was and he slides out of the ring instead of hitting the ropes!"
TRIPP: "He's doing anything he can to frustrate Pro Wrestling's SJH!"
JULIUS: "Well when your opponent doesn't respect the Championship enough to allow for a fair fight, you have to do whatever it takes to allow the referee to get the match under control."
NEWMAN: "Shawn Hart walking to the ropes
and the First reaches in and grabs the boot! The New ERA Champion drops Hart to the mat and yanks him to the outside!"
JULIUS: "The First outwitted Hart at every turn!"
NEWMAN: "Both men on the arena floor and the First ramming the back of Pro Wrestling SJH into the corner of the apron! The fans hissing at the First, but he is ignoring them."
TRIPP: "If I were First, I would steer clear from the guardrail."
JULIUS: "If you were the First, New ERA would go to hell in a handbasket."
NEWMAN: "First with some vicious reverse knife edge chops
and he whips Hart into the guardrail!"
JULIUS: "And now the First showing no fear as he follows in with the knee to the face! I love it."
NEWMAN: "The fans trying to reach over and grab at the New ERA Champion, but security is right there."
TRIPP: "I still think First is tempting fate right now."
JULIUS: "First chooses his own destiny."
TRIPP: "Ok, Britney."
NEWMAN: "The First grabs onto a chunk of Hart's hair and drags him to the ring steps .. my God! He just slammed Hart's face into the steps!"
TRIPP: "The referee trying to get the action back in the ring, but the First ignores him as he slams Hart's head into the steps again!"
NEWMAN: "Shawn Hart lying next to the ring steps, and the First finally feels like he's ready to bring the action back in the ring."
JULIUS: "Hart is in La La Land. Cut the Thread and let's bury this punk!"
NEWMAN: "The First slides into the ring and he drills Hart with the boots!"
(SFX: The crowd starts a "FIRST SUCKS DICK" chant.)
TRIPP: "Oh Lord."
JULIUS: "They can't say that!"
TRIPP: "We're not going to be invited back to ESENtv, that's for sure."
NEWMAN: "The First taking offense to the crowd and he is screaming at them to stop. I don't think he should take his eye off the balls."
JULIUS: "Don't you start, Newman!"
TRIPP: "The First is going nuts."
JULIUS: "God dammit!"
NEWMAN: "The fans have the New ERA Champion in a tizzy
and he doesn't see Shawn Hart sitting up! Muse is on the outside trying to get First's attention!"
TRIPP: "Hart is on his feet and he's sizing up the champion!"
JULIUS: "THIS is why the First did what he did! The fans are a cancer!"
NEWMAN: "The First turning around .. and Shawn Hart comes in with the reverse crescent
. NO! The First ducked the move! The New ERA Champion doubles Hart over with a kick to the midsection
and nails a picture-perfect DDT!"
JULIUS: "Take that you rat bastards!"
TRIPP: "Hart is out by the ropes, but the First not making the cover! He drapes Hart over the second rope and sits on his back!"
NEWMAN: "The First choking Hart with that second rope, and he's laughing at the fans in the front rows!"
TRIPP: "Where's the referee when you need him! That's a blatant choke!"
NEWMAN: "First finally relents .. and he goes against the far ropes .. and leaps onto the back of Hart again! Hart being choked once more .. and this time the referee steps in and starts the count!"
JULIUS: "For what! Hart's throat isn't on the rope!"
TRIPP: "Of course it is! Look at his face! He's turning blue!"
JULIUS: "Oh please, Shawn Hart will do anything to get the referee on his side."
NEWMAN: "First hops off and this time he brings Pro Wrestling's SJH to his feet. European uppercut sends Hart to his knees! Wait a second! Shawn Hart is trying to fight back! He sends a fist deep into the midsection of the First! Another! A third! Shawn Hart fights back to his feet and he plants a European uppercut of his no! The First with a thumb to the eyes and Hart's momentum is stopped!"
JULIUS: "Aw, listen to that crowd. Excited to disappointed in 0.3 seconds flat. That's all Shawn Hart is: a disappointment."
NEWMAN: "The First grabs onto the head of the former champion
and rakes the forehead across the top rope!"
TRIPP: "Hart has had his head slammed into ring steps and now he's got ropeburn. I wouldn't be surprised if First breaks him open before the night is over."
JULIUS: "The only thing that will be broken tonight will be Hart's
TRIPP: "Wow, did you come up with that on your own, Dean?"
JULIUS: "Damn skippy, I did."
NEWMAN: "The New ERA Champion props Shawn Hart into the corner .. and now he goes to the opposite one. First could be taking a chance here."
JULIUS: "The First is a risk taker! That's why he's the New ERA of Wrestling Champion!"
NEWMAN: "First charges out
. AND NAILS A HANDSPRING ELBOW INTO THE CORNER!"
(SFX: Crowd jeers!)
NEWMAN: "First shoots to his feet and heads to the center of the ring
and charges back in with a running dropkick right into the skull of the fallen Hart!"
JULIUS: "Shawn Hart looks to be in as good shape as he was at Cyberstrike 03!"
TRIPP: "The New ERA Champion systematically breaking his opponent down. If Shawn Hart wants to become the first three-time New ERA Champion, he's going to have to turn this thing around and quickly!"
NEWMAN: "Right now things aren't looking to good for the Minister of Getting Sinister."
JULIUS: "Understatement of the year, folks."
NEWMAN: "The First drags Hart out of the corner and now he is standing over him. Look at that smile. This is disgusting."
TRIPP: "And the fans agree, Natalie. The First has come into BattleBRAWL 3 with the sole purpose of taking Hart out of New ERA for good. So far, he's done a pretty convincing job."
NEWMAN: "The First reaches down and grabs Hart off the mat
and he tosses him back into the corner."
TRIPP: "Another handspring elbow?"
NEWMAN: "Doesn't look like it, Jason. The New ERA Champion going into the corner with Pro Wrestling's SJH .. and he places him on the top rope!"
JULIUS: "High impact!"
TRIPP: "High risk."
JULIUS: "Oh please! Hart is so out of it right now that Charlie Sheen looks sane."
NEWMAN: "The First now climbing to the top rope .. what is he planning now?!"
JULIUS: "Just wait!"
NEWMAN: "Both men on the top
. MY GOD!!! THE FIRST WITH A TOP ROPE HURRICANRANA!!!! HART FLEW OFF THE MAT AND WAS SENT FLYING TO THE OUTSIDE!"
(SFX: Crowd jeers hardcore as the First stands.)
JULIUS: "Yes!! Yes!!"
TRIPP: "What a beautiful hurricanrana! That was absolutely amazing!"
NEWMAN: "Shawn Hart hit the mat so hard he bounced right out of the ring!"
JULIUS: "And bounced straight to the bottom of the totem pole!"
NEWMAN: "The First on his feet and he is soaking in the crowd's reaction! He is reveling in their hatred!"
JULIUS: "It feeds him drives him harder! He wants to win, not only to end the reign of Shawn Hart in the main event scene, but also to give these idiots a great big fuck you!"
(The crowd shoots their attention to the curtains as a man in a pastry chef's outfit backs out.)
JULIUS: "What the hell is this?"
(The chef is followed by a huge vanilla cake on a roller.)
NEWMAN: "I have no clue, Dean. The First is watching this as well as is Muse as is the referee!"
(The big screens show the top of the cake. A bustle of confusion follows as it says "To my loving fans My sincere apologies. The First." The camera cuts to the First who starts screaming at Muse to get rid of the cake.)
JULIUS: "What the hell is that nonsense?!"
TRIPP: "This chef has just rolled out a cake that contained an apology to the fans from the First! The New ERA Champion looks livid!"
NEWMAN: "I'm guessing he had nothing to do with it!"
JULIUS: "This is bullshit! Muse get rid of that cake!"
(Muse runs up the rampway as the chef starts handing out slices of cake to the fans lining the rampway.)
NEWMAN: "Muse is up there .. and she spins the chef around!"
(SFX: HUGE POP!!!!)
NEWMAN: "AND THE CHEF JUST SHOVED THE CAKE IN THE FACE OF MUSE!!"
JULIUS: "And runs! What a pussy! He hit a woman and ran!"
NEWMAN: "He didn't hit her, Dean! But I'm confused as all hell!"
TRIPP: "WAIT! Shawn Hart is on his feet on the outside!"
JULIUS: "I was going to blame Hart for this spectacle, but he looks just as confused as everyone else."
NEWMAN: "Muse is screaming as she wipes the cake from her face, and finally the First turns and sees Hart on his feet! The First charges the ropes
PLANCHA TO THE OUTSNO!! SHAWN HART MOVED AND FIRST CRASHES TO THE ARENA FLOOR!"
(SFX: Huge pop!)
JULIUS: "No! No! No!"
TRIPP: "Hart just caught a huge break thanks to that chef!"
NEWMAN: "Hart scoops the New ERA Champion off the arena floor and rolls him into the ring!"
JULIUS: "C'mon, First!"
NEWMAN: "Hart slides in and makes the cover! ONE
.. FIRST GETS THE FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!"
TRIPP: "The first pinfall attempt of the night, and after the beating Hart was getting, I definitely didn't expect it to be by Pro Wrestling's SJH!"
NEWMAN: "Hart on his feet and the crowd is standing all over the DCU Center!"
JULIUS: "That will be the LAST time Hart comes close to getting the New ERA Championship back!"
NEWMAN: "Hart grabs onto the legs of the First and drags him to the corner .. and sends First up and over! First's head just met the ringpost!"
TRIPP: "And Hart is right on it with the rollup!"
TNO! The New ERA Champion gets the shoulder up."
TRIPP: "You were saying, Dean?"
JULIUS: "He came nowhere close that time."
NEWMAN: "A rush of adrenaline is pumping through Shawn Hart's body right now! He scoops First off the mat and sends him flying to the center of the ring with a hip toss! The former champion comes after First .. but First is on his knees begging for Hart to reason with him!"
TRIPP: "This smells of a setup!"
NEWMAN: "And Hart thought so, too! Hart with a boot to the head sends First back down! Shawn Hart grabs the First and brings him to his feet! Hart with the irish whip and hops over First on the way back! Hart turns .. AND DRILLS FIRST WITH THE SUPERKICK!"
TRIPP: "Hart covers! ONE
(SFX: The fans' huge pops quickly die down.)
JULIUS: "That's right, bitches, this thing ain't over!"
TRIPP: "Pro Wrestling's SJH slams the mat .. he thought he had this match wrapped up!"
NEWMAN: "Hart is looking to make history tonight. If he can win this match he'll be the first ever three-time New ERA Champion!"
(SFX: "ESS JAY AYCH!" chants roar to life.)
NEWMAN: "And the fans want to see it! Hart not waiting for First to get up he grabs the arm and pulls him to his feet!"
JULIUS: "Just like Hart to beat a man when he's down!"
NEWMAN: "Hart hooking the waist of the First but the First is fighting! The New ERA Champion tries to pry Hart's hands open .. but he can't!"
JULIUS: "Kick him in the nuts!"
NEWMAN: "He doesn't get the chance as Hart hits the German suplex! BRIDGE! ONE
. TWNO! Yet ANOTHER kickout by the New ERA Champion!"
TRIPP: "The pinfall attempts coming fast! Hart is trying to wear the First down."
NEWMAN: "Hart rolls to his feet and catches the First
both men now against the ropes .. and Hart with the irish whip!"
JULIUS: "First hooks the ropes!"
NEWMAN: "The New ERA Champion holding onto the ropes .. but here comes Hart!"
TRIPP: "Hart charged and First with the backbody drop!"
NEWMAN: "BUT HART LANDS ON HIS FEET ON THE OUTSIDE APRON! First turns
AND HART GRABS ONTO HIS HEAD AND DROPS TO THE ARENA FLOOR!"
JULIUS: "Now that's a choke!"
NEWMAN: "Hart hops to the ring apron .. and he's climbing to the top!"
JULIUS: "C'mon First! Hell, c'mon Muse send Hart flying!"
NEWMAN: "HART FLIES
.. AND DROPS THE ELBOW FROM THE TOP ROPE!"
(SFX: The crowd orgasms.)
NEWMAN: "Hart with the cover! ONE
JULIUS: "NO! First got his shoulder up!!"
NEWMAN: "He did! The New ERA Champion is still in this!"
TRIPP: "Shawn Hart pushes off the torso of the First to get to his feet .. and look at his eyes! He knows that the New ERA Championship is his destiny!"
JULIUS: "Shawn Hart's destiny is a seedy motel room, a cigarette burning out in one hand and an empty bottle of pills in his other!"
NEWMAN: "Hart grabs onto the legs of the First
AND HE LOCKS ON THE FIGURE FOUR!"
TRIPP: "Can the First hang on?! Is this the end of his reign as New ERA Champion?"
NEWMAN: "Both men sitting up but First's teeth are clenched in pain!"
(SFX: "ESS JAY AYCH!" chants!)
JULIUS: "Shut these idiots up!"
TRIPP: "The First is staring right into the eyes of his opponent as he fights the pain! The New ERA Champion won't go down like this!"
JULIUS: "That's the first thing you've said tonight that's made any sense."
TRIPP: "I said like that, Dean .. I didn't say he was going to retain the championship!"
JULIUS: "Well, then I take that back. You're an idiot, too."
NEWMAN: "Hart staring right back at the First! He's pouring all the pain and resentment into this hold."
JULIUS: "First is reaching for the ropes!"
TRIPP: "The New ERA Champion trying to reach the ropes behind him .. but he's just a bit out of range!"
NEWMAN: "First straining to get the bottom ropes as Hart drills the elbow into the exposed knee!"
JULIUS: "HE'S GOT IT! BREAK THE HOLD!"
NEWMAN: "First has the bottom rope and Hart keeps the figure four locked on!"
JULIUS: "Disqualify that prick!! First retains! First retains!"
NEWMAN: "The referee making the count .. and Hart breaks the figure four!"
JULIUS: "C'mon ref! Do your job!"
TRIPP: "Hart right back on his feet and he drags First to the center of the ring!"
NEWMAN: "Pro Wrestling's SJH going for ANOTHER figure four! He wraps the leg of the New ERA Champion
but First with a foot to the ass sends Hart to his knees!"
JULIUS: "Did Hart really think he'd get that on?"
NEWMAN: "But Shawn Hart comes right back in .. and drops the elbow on the knee! Hart bracing himself on the leg of the First
pushes himself up in the air and drives his knee into the First's!"
TRIPP: "By taking out the First's leg he can pretty much ground him. The First is a high-flying risk taker. If he can't support his own weight, Hart has neutralized what First does best!"
NEWMAN: "Shawn Hart to his feet and he runs to the corner! Hart is going to the top!"
JULIUS: "First called for a time-out!"
NEWMAN: "There are no time outs in wrestling."
JULIUS: "The First is the New ERA Champion! If he wants a timeout he damn well gets one!"
NEWMAN: "Hart perched on the top rope
and he's waiting for the First to get to his feet!"
JULIUS: "Stay down! Stay down! Get that breather!"
NEWMAN: "The First pushing himself off the mat .. he doesn't see Hart on the top!"
TRIPP: "IT's AIR PHENOM!"