GHEORGHE: "Look at all those things!"
JIVE: "LOOK AT THAT BARBWIRED SPIDERWEB!"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos has truly outdone himself tonight! Here come the tables … and there are about 10 staff members carrying out boxes … and there’s lighttubes in them! Larry Tact must be beside himself out back!"
JIVE: "FINALLY.. Finally Juliet Marceau is going to get revenge on Larry Tact!"
(CUEUP: ‘Violet’ by Hole. The fans in the arena erupt in a chorus of jeers as New ERA Vice President Juliet Marceau steps from behind the curtain and begins to walk down the isle.)
JIVE: "And there she is now! Speaking of the dev… I mean, the wonderful 2nd in Command."
GHEORGHE: "And it looks as if Marceau is going to join us here."
JIVE: "She wants to get an up close and personal take on this match."
GHEORGHE: "All I know is that we just got a new announce table set up here … and I’m only hoping that this one will make it through an entire match."
(Some rustling as Marceau puts on the headset.)
MARCEAU: "Are you fellas ready for Larry Tact to get beaten into a bloody pulp?"
JIVE: "YES!"
GHEORGHE: "Don’t you think that’s a little presumptuous?"
MARCEAU: "Excuse me .. you’re right. Are you fellas ready for Larry Tact to get beaten into a TALENTLESS bloody pulp? I accidentally inferred that he would have been a talented bloody pulp. Thank you for correcting me, Tom."
GHEORGHE: "That’s not exactly what I meant.."
MARCEAU: "Look at this … look at all these lighttubes. Look at all the tables.. look at the scaffold .. and look at that barbwire. No one can tell me that Larry Tact will be walking out the winner tonight. Hell, no one can tell me he’ll even be WALKING out at all!"
GHEORGHE: "Larry Tact has overcome a lot in the past and I’m sure he’ll be ab—.."
MARCEAU: "The past is the past, Tom. This is Chaos. This is BattleBRAWL 2 .. and this is a P©X match. No one does P©X quite like the champion."
GHEORGHE: "If you’re so confident, why didn’t you make Chaos put the championship on the line?"
MARCEAU: "Because Tact hasn’t EARNED it. Chaos is out here on my bidding. You know, Chaos begged for me to even allow Tact to wrestle. I was going to ban Tact from the arena and give Chaos the victory by countout… but Chaos, being the trooper he is, came to me … told me about this match .. and I was more than ready to let him go to town."
(SFX: Bell rings.)
JACOBS: "Ladies and gentlemen …. Introducing first … from LAS VEGAS, NEVADA …"
(CUEUP: ‘SexyBack’ by Justin Timberlake. The crowd, which was jeering at first, now seems confused.)
GHEORGHE: "And .. Chaos … well, his music seems a bit different."
JACOBS: "He is … I’m told … the STAR of the RAPTURE announce team…"
(Jacobs rolls his eyes.)
JIVE: "You have got to be kidding me."
JACOBS: "DEAN JULIUS!"
(The crowd begins jeering even louder than before. Julius comes through the curtains with a huge smile on his face, sunglasses on. He walks down the rampway avoiding the fans with their hands out at all costs.)
GHEORGHE: "And it looks like Dean Julius has finally made it to the arena to do his job …"
JIVE: "But there’s no more seats .."
(Jive points at Julius.)
JIVE: "Hit the road, Jack .. and bring Sexy Elsewhere!"
(Julius waves his finger "no" at Jive, and proceeds to kick a poor ringside attendant off their chair, swinging it next to Juliet Marceau. He places on his headset as the music dies down.)
JULIUS: "WHAT AN ENTRANCE!"
JIVE: "You are quite possibly the most idiotic person I’ve ever met."
JULIUS: "You haven’t seen a mirror lately, have you?"
GHEORGHE: "Haha, Dean.. it’s nice of you to finally join us. You missed a great women’s match."
JULIUS: "This is BattleBRAWL 2.. I’m the STAR of the RAPTURE announce team .. I don’t just come out here before everyone is in the arena .. oh no. I deserve an entrance!"
JIVE: "Now how about an exit?"
MARCEAU: "Look at that marvel! It’s all set up … and its ready for Larry Tact to be tossed all over the place!"
JACOBS: "The following match is scheduled for one fall and has NO time limit. It is a non-championship PRODIGY© Classic XTREME match .. and is a TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY LIGHTTUBE – CIRCUS DEATH MATCH!"
(SFX: Crowd explodes. The lineup for the match "explodes" onto the screen.)
JACOBS: "Introducing first…. From LAS VEGAS, NEVADA…"
(Jacobs glances at Julius on the outside.. CUEUP: ‘You Could Be Mine’ by Guns ‘n Roses. The crowd gets to their feet and jeers as Chaos steps through the curtain, the P©X championship on his shoulder.)
JACOBS: "He stands seven feet tall and weighs 305 pounds .. he is the CURRENT PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion …… CHAOS!"
MARCEAU: "He’s going to finally put Larry Tact in his place tonight."
GHEORGHE: "This should be a match to remember … the sheer possibility of everything we could see tonight is staggering."
JULIUS: "You’re going to see carnage. You’re going to see blood. You are going to see one man practically kill himself tonight."
MARCEAU: "And then you’ll see Chaos pin Larry Tact and take the wind out of all these people’s sails!"
JACOBS: "And his opponent…"
(CUEUP: ‘Karma’ by Diffuser. The crowd orgasms as Larry Tact steps through the curtain, his eyes focused on the contraption above the ring.)
GHEORGHE: "AND LISTEN TO THESE FANS!!!"
JACOBS: "He stands six foot six and weighs 252 pounds …hailing from Manhattan, New York … he is a former New ERA of Wrestling WORLD CHAMPION ……. LARRY TACT!"
JIVE: "SHUT THESE PEOPLE UP!"
MARCEAU: "Chaos will do that! Don’t you worry!"
JULIUS: "Nice try, Tact .. but they obviously loved me more from the reception I got!"
GHEORGHE: "Larry Tact looks incredibly focused as he steps into the ring."
MARCEAU: "Yes, ref .. make sure you double, triple check Larry Tact for deadly weapons!"
JULIUS: "As if THAT would matter."
GHEORGHE: "The ref is making a few last checks, speaking with Tact, and… what is Chaos doing?"
JIVE: "It looks like… he’s stripping one of those tube lights off the mat!"
GHEORGHE: "Can he do that?"
MARCEAU: "He can do whatever he wants!"
JIVE: "Anything goes in this kind of match."
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: "The ref rings the bell, and this match is underway! Tact comes forward, ready for action, but Chaos is waiting with a tube light in hand!"
(SFX: *CRACK!*)
JIVE: "OH GOD!!"
GHEORGHE: "CHAOS JUST BROKE THAT TUBE LIGHT ACROSS TACT’S FACE!! Tact reels back, stunned… and Chaos finds the opportunity to strip another light off the mat!"
MARCEAU: "Batter up!"
(SFX: *CRACK!*)
GHEORGHE: "SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!! Chaos puts Tact on his hands and knees by breaking ANOTHER tube light over head!"
JIVE: "I don’t believe it… Chaos is going for a THIRD?!"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos tears down one of the lights hanging from the rafters… NO, NOT AGAIN!"
(SFX: *CRACK!*)
GHEORGHE: "MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!! CHAOS BREAKS A THIRD TUBE LIGHT OVER TACT’S BACK!! Larry Tact is ON THE MAT and not moving!"
(The audience, reeling with "oohs", begins to chant "Fuck Him Up!")
JIVE: "Yeah, really! Listen to the fans, Chaos!"
GHEORGHE: "The match has barely gotten underway, and Chaos is already in full control! Tact looks hurt…"
MARCEAU: "It’s because Chaos came to this match prepared! Tact should have known better than to come into his opponent’s back yard without a plan."
GHEORGHE: "Chaos is bringing Tact to his feet… hooks him under his arm, BIG vertical suplex, dropping him on A PAIR OF TUBE LIGHTS on the mat!"
JULIUS: "Chaos knows his element…"
GHEORGHE: "The P©X Champ rolls over for the cover… ONE… TWO… NO!! Tact kicks out, and it looks like he’s still got a lot of fight left in him!"
MARCEAU: "That won’t last long unless he pulls his head out of his ass…"
GHEORGHE: "Tact is slow to recover, and Chaos takes the opportunity to… wait, what is he doing? He’s stomping down on the other tube lights!"
JIVE: "There’s eight… nine… ten… eleven…"
GHEORGHE: "Don’t tell me you’re keeping count?"
JIVE: "Of course! Somebody’s gotta keep a record…"
JULIUS: "You’re an even bigger nerd than I could ever have imagined."
GHEORGHE: "Chaos goes back to Tact as he gets to his feet… Tact with a right hook—DUCKED by Chaos! The champ follows through with a BACK SUPLEX—OH MY GOD, HE DROPPED HIM ON THE BROKEN GLASS!"
JIVE: "There’s the answer to your question. Chaos is breaking as many of those tube lights as he can to cover the ring in broken glass."
GHEORGHE: "Tact’s back looks cut up in several spots… you really have to consider the issue of blood loss in this kind of match, and how it will effect endurance."
JIVE: "You can only endure so much against Chaos…"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos now grabbing former World Champion to his feet … and he sends him to the ropes with an irish whip…. BUT TACT WITH A REVERSAL AND CHAOS GOES CRASHING INTO THE ROPES ….. AND HE JUST SMASHED INTO A WHOLE BUNCH OF LIGHTTUBES!"
JULIUS: "Chaos felt the full force of that as he stumbles back into the middle of the ring."
GHEORGHE: "AND LARRY TACT WITH A DDT…. RIGHT INTO SOME OF THE SHARDS OF BROKEN GLASS!"
MARCEAU: "Come on, ref! Get in there!"
GHEORGHE: "Both men are down on the mat .. and I can’t believe what we’ve seen already … this match has just begun and both men are on the mat!"
JULIUS: "The P©X matches, especially with Chaos calling the shots, are some of the most brutal that I’ve ever seen.. and this is probably the most brutal to date!"
GHEORGHE: "And LOOK AT THIS! CHAOS IS GETTING TO HIS FEET FIRST!"
JIVE: "He’s got shards of glass sticking out of his face!"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos … CHAOS JUST PULLED THEM OUT … AND HE’s SMILING!"
MARCEAU: "Tact is done tonight in New York City!"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos grabbing two more lighttubes off the ropes .. and he’s standing them upright in the corner. Chaos now walks over to Larry Tact as he’s getting to his feet … AND TACT FIRES A FIST INTO THE FACE OF CHAOS! ANOTHER! Larry Tact now on the offensive trying to fend off Chaos … and he’s rattling off left and right hooks… Chaos is wavering as he keeps stepping back ….. BUT CHAOS STOPS TACT’s MOMENTUM WITH A SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE!"
JIVE: "Chaos is a big, big man .. Larry Tact might be six foot six, but he’s still giving up half a foot to the P©X Champion."
GHEORGHE: "All the odds would appear to be stacked against Tact tonight at BattleBRAWL 2.."
MARCEAU: "Just the way I liked them."
GHEORGHE: "Chaos takes a few steps back .. and he drops the knee on Tact’s head. Chaos drops a second knee! Can you imagine what would happen if Tact won a championship shot tonight? We could see Tact / Chaos II!"
MARCEAU: "I don’t think so, Tom. I hope Larry Tact looked at his contract carefully before he signed onto this match. Should hell freeze over .. and should Chaos die suddenly giving Tact a victory, he doesn’t get a championship shot."
GHEORGHE: "Now that doesn’t seem fair!"
MARCEAU: "Fair? Ha!"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos hooks the leg of Larry Tact and twists him onto his stomach .. and .. now what’s he doing?!"
JULIUS: "It looks like he’s trying to rip off Tact’s boot!"
GHEORGHE: "CHAOS IS TRYING TO QUICKLY UNTIE TACT’s LACES …. And if he gets Tact’s wrestling boots off .. that means Tact will have to walk around in that ring in his bare feet!"
MARCEAU: "Chaos has this match well scouted. There’s nothing Tact can do!"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos HAS THE LACES UNTIED!! BUT TACT USES HIS FREE LEG TO KICK BACKWARDS AND HE NAILS CHAOS IN THE FACE! Chaos gets caught offguard and he falls to the mat!"
JIVE: "But Tact’s boot is loose! He’ll have to waste time tying it!"
GHEORGHE: "That doesn’t seem to be on his mind as he scoots over to the ring ropes .. AND NOW LARRY TACT RIPS OFF A LIGHTTUBE! Chaos back on his feet…"
(SFX: *CRACK!*)
GHEORGHE: "OHMYGAWD! TACT JUST WALLOPED CHAOS SQUARE IN THE FACE WITH THE LIGHTTUBE AND IT SHATTERED INTO A THOUSAND DIFFERENT PIECES!!"
JULIUS: "And Chaos fell backwards like a tree being cut down!"
GHEORGHE: "Tact slumps to the mat himself .. and both men are back down."
MARCEAU: "Larry Tact is a scumbag! How dare he blindside Chaos like that? Does he realize who he is messing with?"
GHEORGHE: "TACT IS SITTING UP!!!"
(SFX: Crowd pops HUGE.)
GHEORGHE: "AND LARRY TACT IS GETTING TO HIS FEET!!"
JULIUS: "Jesus Christ.. someone get me some Tylenol!"
GHEORGHE: "Tact … TACT IS TRYING TO TAKE CHAOS’ BOOTS OFF!"
JIVE: "He’s having a hard time though.. LOOK!! Chaos taped the top of his boots to his leg! Tact can’t get them off!"
MARCEAU: "Chaos is smarter than he looks.. You don’t think he wouldn’t have carefully planned out everything, do you?"
GHEORGHE: "TACT KICKS CHAOS IN THE SIDE OUT OF FRUSTRATION! And now he’s grabbing a lighttube off the mat!"
JULIUS: "If Tact has any chance at all in this match, he needs to rip each and every lighttube off the ropes and smash Chaos in the head with it. Knock him out. Knock him out HARD .. like .. to another dimension."
GHEORGHE: "Tact is crouching with the lighttube … and he’s got a hold of it like a baseball bat … and Chaos is starting to get to his feet…"
(SFX: Crowd GROANS!)
GHEORGHE: "OHHHHH MY!!! TACT JUST SWUNG THAT LIGHTTUBE AS HARD AS HE COULD AND HE NAILED CHAOS RIGHT BETWEEN THE LEGS!"
JULIUS: "It is a nutshot gone TERRIBLY wrong!"
GHEORGHE: "Tact grabs Chaos by the head … AND HE JUST TOSSED HIM INTO THE CORNER WHERE CHAOS HAD SET UP THE LIGHTTUBES! Chaos goes crashing into the two lighttubes chest first AND THEY ARE SMASHED INTO BITS!"
JIVE: "Pretty soon they’re going to have to start cleaning up body parts out of that ring!"
GHEORGHE: "LARRY TACT CHARGES IN AFTER CHAOS WITH A SPLASH ….. BUT CHAOS FALLS OUT OF THE WAY AND TACT HITS THE TURNBUCKLE PAD!"
JULIUS: "And they’re both on the mat AGAIN!"
GHEORGHE: "This match has already taken pretty much everything out of both men .. and they are STILL trying to compete …"
MARCEAU: "But in the end only one man will be victorious .. and that man is holding the PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme championship."
GHEORGHE: "Both men are out it seems … BUT CHAOS IS STARTING TO STIR…. AND SO IS LARRY TACT!"
JIVE: "I never understood why someone would want to continually subject themselves to this type of torture."
JULIUS: "Of course you wouldn’t.. it’s because whenever someone challenges you to anything you run home to your momma."
GHEORGHE: "Chaos is first on his feet .. and he walks over to Tact .. but the former World Champion throws a shot into the gut …. AND CHAOS WITH A HUGE FOREARM INTO THE FACE OF TACT! Chaos ……….. BY GOD, CHAOS JUST GRABBED TACT AND HAS HIM OVER HIS HEAD IN A GORILLA PRESS!"
MARCEAU: "Look at that power!"
GHEORGHE: "AND CHAOS JUST TOSSED LARRY TACT OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE ARENA FLOOR!!! The fans here in Madison Square Garden are SILENT as they hope nothing is seriously wrong with Larry Tact!"
JIVE: "Well, they better hold on a little bit longer to check, because here comes Chaos!"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos not letting up one second as he steps over the top rope and hops to the arena floor. Chaos looks like he’s been through hell and back .. but then again, Larry Tact isn’t looking fresh either!"
JIVE: "I think that’s the first substantive thing you’ve said all night!"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos … CHAOS DROPS DOWN AND COVERS LARRY TACT! ONE ……. TWO ……."
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES!)
GHEORGHE: "TACT KICKS OUT! TACT KICKS OUT! How he did it I have NO CLUE!"
MARCEAU: "God dammit! Remind me to fire this referee after the match for counting that fall too slowly. Does he even know how to count to three?"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos sitting next to the body of Larry Tact .. and he is scanning the ringside area .."
JULIUS: "If I were Chaos I’d bring Tact’s carcass over to one of the tables with the stack of 25 lighttubes taped on and obliterate Tact."
GHEORGHE: "Chaos is crawling to the ringsteps.. and he is reaching underneath the ring!"
JIVE: "What’s he going for? It’s not like there isn’t enough stuff out there already!"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos coming back … AND HE’s GOT A CHAIR!"
MARCEAU: "Sometimes the conventional items will work, too."
GHEORGHE: "Chaos… Chaos is setting the chair up?!"
JIVE: "Maybe he’s going to take a little breather. God knows he has time!"
GHEORGHE: "Chaos now grabs Larry Tact … and he is placing him in the chair!"
JULIUS: "I don’t like the looks of this … who am I kidding? I LOVE IT."
GHEORGHE: "Chaos now reaching into the ring … and he brings out a lighttube……"
(SFX: *CRACK!*)
GHEORGHE: "AND CHAOS JUST SMASHED THE LIGHTTUBE INTO THE FACE OF LARRY TACT SENDING HIM FLYING BACKWARDS TO THE ARENA FLOOR! Chaos with the cover …. ONE ……. TWO ….. THREE!!!"
